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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Is it me?

3 replies

Saskia22 · 16/10/2024 18:19

Hi, I'm mid forties and so is partner. Been together 6 yrs. I've had abusive relationships previously. I escaped a domestic violent relationship and took our darling child with me.
I met partner and he seemed so kind. We had many mutual friends and they all said what a lovely guy he is. Everything's been OK. He had loads of get up and go. Not anymore. Comes in from work, fussed the cat and ignores me. Always scrolling through his phone, no effort.
He gets angry/snappy at me quite a bit recently.
We had a wardrobe that needed to go upstairs recently. It was a heavy one with draws ect. I said to him that I will try. Obviously I couldn't manage it. He sniggered at me in my distressed state ( I have Bpd Ptsd depression and anxiety) I had a panic attack. I was screaming at him when he tried to drag it up. He let go, it smashed and now at the tip.
I dont work due to my struggles and he works and on UC.
I dont see any of his money. Sometimes a bit of shopping or Greg's.
I owe gas/electric 8000. He knows I can't manage. He never offers any help.
I lost my dad 3 months ago and I've never missed him more. We used to chat for hours.
Partner just wants to watch Minder repeats or Xbox. Sorry for the rant.Thanks for reading

OP posts:
username3678 · 16/10/2024 18:25

Your relationship is over; he has no respect for you.

He sounds emotionally and financially abusive if he's not even contributing towards bills. The National Debtline can give you advice on your debts.

What's your housing situation? Ie is it your tenancy?

I'm sorry about your dad 💐Cruse offer free bereavement counselling.

Rethink can give you information on benefits as well as advice on your treatment.

It would be a good idea to contact a domestic abuse organisation for advice and support.

FictionalCharacter · 16/10/2024 18:26

This relationship is over and you know it.
The only question is how best to get out, and as @username3678 said, you really need to get professional advice.

Anastas1a · 16/10/2024 21:01

Sorry about your dad I can’t even begin to imagine how that must feel. He sounds awful I’ve met some lying sneaky selfish b.tards in my time (same age) who don’t understand mental illness/trauma etc but never would they watch me attempt to lift something heavy by myself! That speaks volumes about his character. He sounds like he is taking you for granted and unfortunately some men like him don’t appreciate what they got until it’s gone

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