Struggling with breakup

[Do0dles]

I broke up with my partner of 3 years 4/10/24 I walked out alcohol was involved. Next day I find out he has another girl in his flat it's destroyed me I can't cope. I love him so much there is an age gap between us and I feel so low about myself. He is 31 I am 44. I just want things to be back to how they were miss him much.

I am guessing that this girl didn't appear overnight.

How was your relationship before the row?

You walked out for a reason. Stand firm.

Agree with both PP.

Unlikely a girl simply appeared from nowhere. He has shown you what he thought of your relationship by moving on so quickly, let this fuel your anger to ensure you don’t look back.

Tell us about the alcohol use, how serious a problem / worry was it?

I think what you might need is to remember why you did what you did, and to start looking forward at your own life....

She sent him a message a few weeks back saying she seen him in a shop and thought he was nice. Apparently she was on his old friends list from years ago(Snapchat) I was annoyed but he said I can't help who messages me and blocked her. Then the night I left he was very drunk thought I had met up with someone else and messaged her. She went round drugs and alcohol were involved on both sides. My ex has an issue with drinking and goes a bit overboard once he starts. He is very paranoid about me and would think I was with other people or make comments about it. We didn't live together but I spent 4 days of the week with him that's including weekends. Its all come as a shock as we were actually getting on really well. Iam in a mess and just don't know how to get over this.

He got jealous of a friend of ours who was there at the time and became angry he told me if I left we would be over. I left because I didn't want to argue.

He knew he had a problem with alcohol but when we got together he calmed down more of a binge drinker. He has alot of issues mental health being one of them. He works goes the gym and looks after himself and was very loving towards me. Just when he drank he would be very negative. He was never violent towards me though

When you go through a break up the disloyal one always has their next victim lined up ready and waiting the whole time probably leading them to believe they are very much available or waiting for something better to come along, the fact he’s not even tried to reconcile and around another women 24 hours later speaks volumes, sounds like a man not worth keeping.

Please give some thought to what a healthy good relationship looks like.

It doesn't sound like this relationship is good for you.

Work on your boundaries and research what a healthy relationship looks like, neither of which appear healthy from your OP.

It sounds pretty toxic. Although it hurts now it won’t hurt forever, and you’ll be better off.

It doesn't sound like a great relationship at all, so while it's very hurtful that he jumped straight into bed with someone else, ending it here for good would be for the best.

Just get through the upset and you'll be relieved in the end.

I know iam just finding it extremely hard at the moment hopefully will get stronger soon.

I know you are right Iam just finding it very hard to come to terms with it at the moment.