Ex moved on straight away

[ls6879]

My ex partner recently moved out of the family home 6 weeks ago. We first split a year ago. We were on and off for 12 months in an attempt to make it work for our family, but it failed. He was a serial cheat and I couldn’t return any sort of trust.

I still loved him and was devastated that he moved out but knew deep down it was probably for the best.

We were amicable. However, that recently changed a few days ago when I found out he is now in a serious relationship with his best friend. They got together the same week he moved out. Against my wishes they all went on a play date with our 2 children (4 and 1yo) and her kids. I only found out afterwards, I didn’t even know they were together at the time.

It’s only been 6 weeks but they seem really serious about each other and are probably quite well suited. They have the same interests and hobbies, and she was also a serial cheat in her previous marriage.

I’m just devastated. I’ve been blindsided by the whole thing. They have agreed to not spend time with the children anymore as I insisted a relationship of 6 weeks isn’t appropriate to introduce kids. I knew he would be in a new relationship eventually but it’s all just happened so soon.

I think I’m just looking for some moral support. I don’t have many friends nearby and am alone quite a lot- and feeling sorry for myself to be honest!

So sorry to hear this. It must hurt a lot. It sounds like if they weren’t already together they were planning to be.
If she was his best friend, had the kids not met before?
Take good care of yourself, be extra kind. You’re going through a difficult time and you deserve to love yourself.

They were probably cheating for a while😞. Sorry. How do you know they're dating though?

I’m sorry to hear that. It’s likely that he started to detach and grow close to her while you were trying to make it work 🥺
Two cheats sounds like a recipe for disaster though so you’re lucky to be out of it.

SO he has had her on the side for a while.

It has nothing to do with your worth, remember that.

Its shit when they do this. They almost always come back when they have test driven the flame, old mate or whatever this woman is to him. He will get bored in the end. The question is will you let him back in?

He knows your worth, but hopes you dont. If you let him back in, he will treat you like this until you have nothing left in you.

Take a good look at his actions, past and present, and less focus on what he says. Him taking the kids to see the new woman, thats shit. Tells you who he really is, no care for the DC emotional welfare, just all about him.

op this will have been going on for much much longer than 6 weeks

just focus on you and your children. Make a happy settled stable home for them. And indeed yourself. And accept your ex will do his own thing with the children when they’re with him

What’s the split in child arrangements now?

I’m sorry OP. In my experience too men seem to move on very quickly. They always seem to have someone waiting in the wings.

It is painful but there are some positives for you. You got rid of a serial cheater and all the anxiety that living with one of those brings. Very gradually you will start to feel the benefit of that.

As for those two, well it might work and it might not. They both know they are cheaters so I doubt they will totally trust each other.

In time if it works you may even be happy with your DC spending time with them both and it will give you some free time to focus on things you want to do. Maybe you’ll meet someone you’re more compatible with and who doesn’t cheat.

It’s shit though now. But you’ll be OK. One day at a time. Plan something nice for this weekend with friends and family to cheer you up. Don’t feel you have to couple up too. Find yourself first.

💐

You first split because he’d been having an affair with another woman OP!

Come on OP, this isn’t someone you want to be with

anyway…. all your focus now should be on you and the children

I know it don't stop the hurt but they deserve each other, although I doubt it will last long, you have freedom from him and his cheating ways so you can better your life and he can live his deceitful ways that never bring him happiness.

Thank you everyone I really appreciate the support and sound advice from all of you.

@PiggieWig Thank you for kind words. She hadn’t met the kids before. They are in a band together so they saw each other a lot via their hobby whilst I had the kids at home

@Chowtime That is probably quite likely. He told me they were seeing each other, but I had to drag it out of him. I had an intuition they might have been dating but no idea how serious it was or that he’d introduced the children

@TheseBootsAreWalking thank you that is really good advice. As much as I feel I want him back it’s probably just a mixture of nostalgia/jealousy/wanting our family back together

@bakingwithtrays yes you are probably right. We’ve split the childcare 60/40, but I work 12 hour shifts from home on my days without the children so not finding much time to see people or distract myself

@Catoo thank you I appreciate it, you’re right, I think I will escape somewhere this weekend. I had hoped I would be very on board when new partners were introduced, but I wasn’t expecting it to be so soon or without warning. Hopefully in time I will feel differently

You will feel differently.

If in time you decide she’s an OK person to be around DC, I would actually make it my mission to be nice to her just to annoy him.

Ex partners rarely move on in the way we imagine it could happen. Usually it’s very fast and they seem very loved up. But for you, the best thing is to take your time, find out who you are again, be the best mum you can be, and if you can, take up a new interest. Focus all your energy there and let those two cheaters get on with it.

💐

You need to allow yourself time to grieve
then it’s time for you
and time for you and your children.
Hope you can find your peace and freedom

Keep it settled for your dc, if they are both serial cheats it will only be a matter of time before wanders off to cheat again. Be thankful you've escaped the drama.
You are so much better off without this person and will get through this in time.
Stay strong.

I’m so sorry this sounds absolutely horrid. If he’s a serial cheat chances are he’ll do the same to her, or she to him. Not that that thought which will be much comfort when there are small kids involved. For that reason you are absolutely right to insist on a minimum period for the relationship to be established before the kids are involved. 6 weeks is way too soon. 6 months would be more reasonable. At least they seem to be listening to your wishes. So does that mean when the kids are with him he doesn’t see her? I hope you can trust him to stick to that.
How vile of him to move on so quickly. It might not seem like it right now but you are well shot of him and things will get better I promise xx