Step son and causing a rift

[Kors]

So we have recently started living together me and my partner I have 2 kids live here 9 and 17 he has a 17 year old as well. His son doesn’t live with us but stays often, the arguments have started since his son has got a girlfriend there’s a lot of bickering she doesn’t like my daughter and thinks my step son likes her so she has to be here every time he stays, his son is disrespectful he doesn’t ask if she can stay she just turns up expecting tea etc and to stay my step son slags me off calls me lazy and I don’t do anything to my daughter I work cook clean the house and don’t stop he likes to slag everyone off his gf his mum her mum everyone when it suits but expects lifts and teas made I’ve spoken to my partner and he says kids are kids and that his gf can stay and I’m trying to cause trouble by saying she can not stay ? I said a odd night is fine not every single night he comes he’s said he’s going to start looking for somewhere else to live as he doesn’t have a day in things as it’s my house; from where I’m standing it’s me that has no say ? They come in when they want make a mess expesxt me to clean it all up and walk out, I wouldn’t have it from my own 17 year old but I feel I can not say anything to them as he’s not my son and looks like I’m been funny or nasty but for some reason his son is always making things arward giving me and my kids dirty looks asking what his dad has paid for ? I pay all the bills in the house gas electric rent council tax food everything his dad may pay for holidays or meals out but he sees his dad buys everything and tbh my partner sees it the same way I pay for nothing but I pay my bills and anything kids need I can’t afford days out meals holidays as well on top it’s hard enough as it is but no one’s offers to pay towards anything I feel my house has become like a stop gap for ppl to eat and sleep and make a mess and go, it’s me that has no say in anything but the step son and my partner are now the ones hard done by he tells his mum and his gf mum all sorts and try’s to cause trouble yet his dad says he’s a only child and he’s always had everything and been on his own he’s 17 he’s not a baby and what he’s doing is causing trouble his gf does not talk and she try’s to be awkward or makes it arkward the other day I was in the shower my daughter was in too the girlfriend juts walked in my house and was laid on the sofa and said she’s waiting for my step son to come home ? I may be old school but do u not knock on the door or ask if u can come around I don’t get it at all

Why are you putting your boyfriend's ineffective parenting drama above the wellbeing of your children?

He needs to move out and you need to give your children their safe space back. They really don't need random teenagers coming in and creating conflict.

Put your own kids first, not your boyfriend. You say you always put them first, you need to be true to your word and get them out.

I’d be glad he’s leaving - in fact I’d help them pack and change the locks!

I don't think the son is behaving particularly terribly. He just sounds like a normal annoying teenager treating the house like his home, which it is now.

If it was normal for him to have his girlfriend over etc when his dad had his own place, it's a bit harsh to expect him to change that because the adults decided to live together. It's not his decision. If he's rude maybe it's because he resents the change. Maybe his dad should try to parent him better.

Your partner should be putting his hand in his pocket and cleaning up after his son and trying to make things better for you.

Did I just read that right? Your bf pays nothing towards the house but you think the problem is stepson? You have a cock lodger and a cocklodger in training. Stand firm about him leaving as currently you are teaching your dd this is what she should expect of men

Well done on asking them to leave.

Your P did a number on you, by not paying rent and bills he had the money to splash around on holidays etc making him look like King Big Dick.

But if he'd need equally contributing to the home, YOU would have had money to spend on holidays etc and both he and his Son may have had a bit more respect you.

Glad you've seen sense and asked him to leave, good for you.

Brilliant well done on getting them to leave. It sounds from what you’ve posted as if your ‘partner’ decided upon himself to give up his house and move in.

Well done for telling your partner straight. Him, his son and the girlfriend seem to all be cut from the same cloth. You'll be better off without the lot of them.

Well done, you've done the right thing.

I can't believe they've treated you so appallingly in YOUR own home.

Your ex-DP IS a freeloader cocklodger and on top of that he expects you to put up with his disgusting son his wacko girlfriend.

They've been metaphorically stamping on your head.

This is not good for your DC's to witness, because they'll grow up thinking it's ok to be treated like sh*t.

I hope you find someone who actually deserves you.

You don't get a voice or an opinion in your own house. That tells you all you need to know.

This

Be prepared that he'll probably change tack once he realises you're not going to beg him to stay OP so you're going to need to be strong and insist that he moves out. Living together when you have DC only ever works when you both start from a place of respect and consideration and he has shown none for you or your DC by allowing his DS to behave the way he has.

so he out for nothing and allows you to have no rules in the house

this isnt working

Why are you putting your kids through this?

Why on earth did you agree to let this man move in rent free?

This isn't a SS issue it’s a freeloading piss taking cocklodging so called partner issue.

Well this is where I don’t win apparently he pays for meals out if we go which I’m not overly bothered about tbh rather have help with bills he pays for holidays but the rest is up to me to pay but I’d rather have help with bills than those things I’ve tried explaining them things don’t fill the cuboards or pay bills he likes to live a life style and we have lived diff lives mine has been work family and my home and not going out all the time he see it as he likes nice things

Why are you with this man disrupting your house and spending your money

But if he had his own place he'd have to pay for holidays AND food and bills. Why should he be massively better off just because he moves in with you and have you struggle?
'Meals out and holidays' indeed. Like the blokes who mow the grass once every six weeks and maintain they do 'an equal amount of housework'.

Well done for having a Big Discussion . Rules and boundaries are the way forward. That includes helping pay the bills.

I was going to suggest 40:60 split, but if dp’s son and gf are there a lot , and eating you out of house and gone, then 50:50z.

is do helping with housework, cooking etc? Or have you gained another ‘child’.

someone upthread said you’ve got a cocklodger and trainee cocklodger . Yep!

(Or LTB if behaviour continues)

So he gets to act like Billy big bollocks flashing the cash for holidays and fine dining due to the fact he’s being bankrolled for day to day life by his partner? Hes not only a cocklodger he’s a flash fucker wanting a champagne lifestyle on a Diet Coke budget.

Please understand that by bankrolling him and freeloader jr that you’re spending money that should be for YOUR kids

You tried living together it’s not worked - see ya later and take your sulky offspring and his entitled princess gf with his

Well I wonder if he'd eat out and have holidays and nice things if he had to do what the rest of us have to ...... pay the bills!!!!

Well done lovely. 👏

of I didn’t pay rent or bills I’d be eating out all the time in Dubai!

Did you discuss what he would be paying towards bills when he moved in?
I always say this, but have a relationship without living together, then you never have to see his DS and GF ever again.

The cleaning cooking everything is down to me no one wants to help or do a thing ppl on here thinking his son is a child he’s not he’s 17 I have one too that age nearly adults and he’s so lazy they have the check to call me lazy but I’m doing it all and paying for the lot he may buy a odd shop but very very rare and he moans saying he’s paid for something else ie a meal out so what I don’t need meals out this has slowly got like this and it’s getting worse ovs the best thing is for them to leave as I’m getting frustrated more by the day he sees nothing wrong and I’m creating conflict by asking his gf not to come every time the step son does she never stayed at his dads before but now she wants to be here with him 24/7 they don’t ask they don’t care and his dad says why can’t he bring her ? I would never of been able to juts bring a friend back for tea or sleep we had to ask frowning up what’s wrong with these kids

Well we didn’t discuss it but let’s face it he’s not stupid he should contribute and I thought he would of why do I need to ask it’s common sense to pay something he went out and bought his self 1000 worth of clothes last week and gave his son 509 to spend that really p////ed me off when I’m paying bills bills bills food and I started about it I was like are u for real here he said he does pay he pays for holidays ect that’s no use really