Maintaining friendships

[SusieTrevelyan]

I have lots of different types of friendships and each one has a different way of maintaining it. However, I do find that there are some common traits that are deal breakers. For me, it is endless excuses and cancellations and being flaky - the big promises and then the let down at the last minute. Just wondered if this annoyed other Mnetters or if there were different deal breakers?

Mmm my dealbreakers or signs to slow down are:

lack of understanding re cancelling :)
i rarely cancel on a big event or ticketed/special one - eg someone’s birthday, but on a regular catch up I may need to reschedule with a few days notice. I have a health condition which my friends know about but many underestimate how much it affects me. Sometimes those friends filter themselves out naturally (having a similar dealbreaker to you maybe!)
i am very loyal and long term though - I am not flaky in my affections

it’s subtle but another red flag to me is when a friendship seems to be all on their terms or there’s an implication that I should feel guilty if not - eg we always meet at the places they like, they always dictate the time and gently refuse or steer away from any suggestions i might otherwise make

Too much advice giving. Or gossip. Though I might give someone a bit of a chance on these in case they’re having a bad patch. Or I’d set some boundaries. But I find folks who give a lot of unsolicited advice are often slightly fickle - it seems to tie in with the relationship fulfilling a need for them.

Racism, sexism and homophobia are definitely dealbreakers for me.

I don’t accept flakiness and cancelling. Unless someone is dead, in hospital, on a cancelled or delayed flight or train, you are projectile vomiting, covered in blood or unconscious, you show up. Perhaps a couple of other exceptions too but would need to be similarly extreme ones.

Flakiness and constant cancelling is a deal breaker for me. Also people who only want social media friendships but never want to.meet in person. And people who only talk about their children.

I've stepped back from a couple of friendships when my suggestions of things to do are always declined due to other plans, fair enough but they rarely give their own suggestions or give alternative times.