I feel like life is wasting away

[TheBluntCrab]

I'm 32, in a LTR we aren't married, we have a 2 Yo DS together. DP has his faults as do I. But deep down I know he loves me even if he just doesn't show It very much. He can be very unappreciative and is old fashioned in the sense that he believes my job is to stay home and look after DS and the house etc which I do. I don't work but that's partly due to a health condition where I just can't manage it anymore. I've struggled a lot with MH issues as well in the last and still do. Recently I just feel like my life is being wasted. I'm so unhappy and miserable but I don't know what to do to make this better. I can't put my finger on what is is that's making me so miserable. I feel like my life is just being wasted and in no time at all I'll be in my ,40s or 50s and just be unhappy. I do love my DP but I don't feel like I'm in love with him anymore. Theres no special feelings there. No intimacy. It's just mundane and repetitive life. If I didnt have my DS to look after I honestly wouldn't see a point of even being here. I don't have any friends, I'm quite isolated from my family and I just feel generally bad all the time. How can I get out of this rut? I've tried to speak to partner but he doesn't understand what my problem is and honestly neither do I.

What was your happiest time like? Can you remember what you hoped and dreamed for?

I can't really remember. I was super happy when me and DP first got together and were doing long distance and then I got pregnant and life got in the way and I've felt so unhappy since. And it sounds awful to say.

I sorry to read that you are unhappy.

You write that you have a son that is two years old.
How are your feelings about being a parent?

Is your partner an active and involved parent to your child?

Is there a possibility that you have or have had postpartum depression?

Is there something you can work towards, even a small thing? I relate to how you feel a lot of the time, but generally feel much better about life when I'm working towards something eg. improving my home or garden, taking steps to push my career as an artist forward, working on a creative project that might take a long time to finish, stocking the freezer with homemade bread and other baked goods! I need to feel like I'm moving forwards in life, otherwise I feel very frantic and trapped while life flies by.

It sounds like your MH problems are made worse by you not working. I have bad MH (bipolar) and fibromyalgia. Working makes me sane. So does having friends and going out to stuff. I play team sports, go to art classes and play in an orchestra (even though I'm shit!). All these things make me happy as do my kids and DH. Makeyour life bigger in little steps. When I was 31 I had zero friends in a new city. 20 years on I have about 100! Honestly do lots of things, but little by little. And working is good for the soul. If your other half thinks otherwise so what, it's not the 1950s he can do one.

I love being his mum. I think he is what keeps me going for sure. I think if I didn't have him I would have given up by now. DP isn't as involved as I think he should be and he tends to leave most of the baby care as I call it to me as he works full time and he does feel that's it's my role as the SAHM

I definitely had a touch of postpartum depression and almost certainly anxiety which was made worse. I was treated for this but it never truly went away. I've suffered MH problems such as severe anxiety and OCD for many years

What do you do for yourself that you enjoy?

I also think friends and family - especially in lieu of a supportive partner - are really, really important.

Could you join a group or an app to meet friends?

Spend more time with family? Or move closer to them?

My parents live 60 mile away and are the only family I've got that I am close too. I moved here when I became pregnant with DS as we were doing long distance. I don't have no friends and I have major social anxiety so just rocking up to a group or something alone terrifies me even though I know it would be fine my brain just won't allow me to do it without having a meltdown.

The way you are drifting through life is risky, financially, emotionally and with regard to overall life satisfaction.

• You seem to have become a mother accidentally rather than as a conscious choice together with the father.
• You are giving your partner far too much power.
• You seem to have given no thought to your career and how you are going to get by when/if the relationship ends and/or you get old.
• You are aware of your MH issues and anxiety but it is not clear what you are doing to address this.

I suggest you need to stop being a passenger in your life and take charge.

I know everything you have said is 100 percent true.

Start with the mental health. Everything else will be easier if can address this. It will take time, but the mere fact of tackling it will give you some of the strength you need to get ahead with the rest.

You need to work towards becoming economically active and, ultimately, financially independent. Because you know that the relationship with your son's father is doomed, and remaining dependent on him is risky.

What do you like in general? Can you say the things that you like? Do you like driving fast, or flowers, or icing cakes, or the sea, or a hot day, or a rainy day, or climbing a hill, or spending time with children?
If you can think of the things you like and you can list them for yourself, you can do some of them, or find a job related to some of them. Earning money is quite satisfying.

im sorry you have a struggle with anxiety, i know it can be crippling, it limits my life to
a certain extent, but you do have to run your own Life, or life runs you, as they say.

Some good advice from previous posters.

I'm thinking about you, @TheBluntCrab , and I hope you will feel better soon.

I, too, have OCD, and it's really difficult.