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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Man child

7 replies

Dogmama1989 · 14/10/2024 21:46

I have posted about some of these issues before in more detail but never all in one go if you recognise any details. My partner is my best friend and we have a great time just spending time together and ignore the long term practicalities which is why I am feeling torn. There are so many issues that are bothering me and I have brought up before but he's either did nothing about them or has tried for a couple weeks and back to usual after. So he is aware of all this before I get into it, please don't shame me but I just need to hear it from others that this it total bullsh*t.

First issue is we live in a house that I hate for multiple reasons and he has flat out said he's never moving again and I have to see the long term potential. The location is not what I want on top of other problems that require loads on money. He also doesn't help out with any daily housework which is left all to me or will reluctantly help on occasion when told specifically whats needing done. Secondly he has had bad personal hygiene since he started working from home and a shower every 3 days is the norm which he doesn't see any issue with and also sleeps naked - he improved on this but has reverted. Thirdly he stays up gaming til all hours so is on a complete opposite schedule to me on weekends where he wants to sleep in and be lazy. Lastly he smokes weed, I have asked him to cut back and smoke outside but he continues to smoke in one room of the house and all day long on weekends if no plans.

He does have redeeming qualities obviously why I'm still here but I feel like he doesn't think any of its an issue and says stuff like he's a great partner etc. literally don't know what to do now other than leave, I feel like I have a teenager. I know I sound horrible about someone I love but am fed up.

OP posts:
DecafDodger · 14/10/2024 21:47

I also don't know what else you could do but leave. Leaving sounds like a very good choice though.

Gettingbysomehow · 14/10/2024 21:51

I would be looking at the long term potential of living without him and upping your standards in future.
You are living with a disgusting, lazy, dirty man who does nothing yet lays down the law on everything and does not consider your feelings.
He throws you a bone every now and then like a dog to keep you keen.
Have some self respect and leave, this isn't love.

Mum2jenny · 14/10/2024 21:51

Are you in a position to leave? Have you got sufficient financial reserves to make that an option? If you don’t, how long would it take you to be able to leave?

RobinEllacotStrike · 14/10/2024 21:53

It sounds like you are coming to the realisation that someone who is fun to hang out with, isn't necessarily a viable long term partner.

And he really doesn't sound like someone you can share a future with

Nice for him though - you doing all the housework etc. He won't be going anywhere.

Time to move on OP.

Mum2jenny · 14/10/2024 21:54

I couldn’t live with a manchild that thought showering every 3 days was sufficient. My dh is disabled and he showers most days even though it is a real issue for him to even access the shower. (It has a 20cm step up access)

Screamingabdabz · 14/10/2024 21:57

Bad hygiene
Drug taking
Different priorities in life
He treats you like the maid
Bleak future

Everyone has ‘some redeeming qualities’ - even serial killers. Jeez girl get out, and get a life. You deserve more.

Dogmama1989 · 14/10/2024 22:13

I'm just sitting here thinking how did I get here where I put up with all this. I think my bar is so low and I'd basically fallen in love with him before this stuff really became an issue. I suppose if he loved me in return he'd actually try to do something about these things and stick to them

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