OLD dilemma

[loopyluna]

Recently divorced, signed up for OLD, deleted account after a month as it was all a bit overwhelming but this is the current situation. Please bear with me…

Met Man1, G straight off, the first weekend on the site so 3 months ago now. Was v clear from the start that I wasn’t looking for anything too serious yet but would just see how things went. He says he’s in the same boat. I’m pretty sure he’s still on the OLD site. Anyway, he is a nice bloke, caring and good chemistry. We message briefly pretty much every day and see each other once or twice a week since early September. (Saw him a few times in July-August too.)
We have not yet had any kind of serious talk about commitment and are keeping things quite superficial but I do enjoy the time we spend together.

However, there is a Man 2.
Not sure how this happened. Man 2, J, messaged me mid August when not much was happening with G. I was just about to leave the OLD site but something about his message (and photo) made me give him my number. It was very tentative at first but slowly built up an amazing rapport but no attempt to take it any further. 2 weeks ago, I decided to cut contact as it didn’t seem to be going anywhere and I was happy with how things were with G.
Miserably failed at cutting contact. He was lovely and understanding and sent me some heartfelt and sincere messages. Since then we’ve spoken a few times, messaged a lot and were on the phone for over 2 hours on Saturday evening. Finally met up for coffee and a walk on Sunday and I really like him. Nothing physical happened at all but there is definitely a connection…

However, now I find myself in the situation that I really like both G and J but feel like it’s just not feasible to keep seeing both of them. I can’t imagine breaking it off with G but also really want to take it further with J.

I could do with some kind but sensible advice on what to do going forward…

Maybe be honest with yourself about whether you want fun or you want something that can build to be a long term relationship.

Why is it not feasible to carry on seeing both? They are friends, nothing more. Sometimes that's the best way to be! If and when anything more serious happens, you might want to stop seeing one of them but until then, just enjoy yourself!

Agreed. G is prob doing the same as he said he’s not looking for anything too serious yet either. They don’t need to know about each other because you haven’t made any kind of commitment to either one. Enjoy dating them. And if someone else nice comes along, date them too. And I mean go on dates. Have fun. You’ll soon decide which one makes more sense for you. Maybe you won’t want to get more serious with either of them. Play your cards close to your chest and have fun.

You are SINGLE! Have fun! Date as many people as you want. You have been honest about not wanting anything serious right now. This is your time to be free and enjoy life.

Have either of them asked to be exclusive or even brought it up? If not you don't need to make a decision yet, G sounds the weaker option for anything to progress but then you did say weren't looking for anything serious.

If you just want fun, stick with G for a bit. But if you, and the other guy decide you want more, then it's time to cut G if you know that J wants exclusivity. But until either of them say they want exclusive, it's fair to not be, maybe. You can usually get a feel for their underlying attitude before you have the exclusivity chat. Happily you already know G is OK about casual, and the irregular meets tends to back that up, so you don't need to give him a second thought. He's probably not going to ask.
If J asks if dating others, consider how you feel about him, consider what he's wanting out of it, and if you like him as much. If you like him, just say you are willing to be exclusive if that's what he wants ( kinda skirts the issue of G and avoids lying as such).

Oh thank you all! I think I spent so long in a miserable marriage that I’m struggling to allow myself to just have fun and not complicate things!
All these comments are extremely helpful 😊

Date both. Fuck it
One of them is probably seeing someone else too

Have friend in this exact situation

she’s dating both and seeing what happens, I agree one of them could be dating more than you - so you don’t need to feel guilty

See both. Chill, you are not married to either of them! They are likely seeing other people too (despite what they may say..) Just enjoy the ride and see where it takes you

You sound so lovely!
Have fun with them both and I hope one of them works out for you in the end!

You can take your pick and follow your instincts. Mumsnet just keeps on giving.

Are you having sex with Man 1?

I think youre absolutely within your rights to date both. Just be completely 100% honest with them and so you've got nothing to worry about or feel guilty for. Its casual with both, there has been no chats of exclusivity or not dating anyone else. If they ask, then be honest and tell them about eachother. If you decide further down the line that you like one of them more, and he feels the same way, then thats your decision made. But I dont think you need to make that choice just yet. Have some fun and freedom for a while, they will likely be doing the same.