Single parenting issue…

beasmithwentworth · 13/10/2024 23:41

I am in this position too! Older teen is the one who never wants to go but her and younger teen are v close and now younger teen is pushing back too. I have had them both here quite a few weekends when I desperately needed a break, wanted to clean the house and just have some time and headspace.

My only foolproof way of getting at least one of them over there is if I go away for the weekend or night as the younger one isn't old enough to stay home if I'm not here. But I don't want to have to leave my home just to get a break!

Occasionally it can work if younger one persuades older one to go over too but its increasingly rare.

God forbid I ever meet anyone and want to have them here and just be.. adults!

Sorry no great solutions here but solidarity with you

Original poster

Fiestytiger · 14/10/2024 22:13

beasmithwentworth · 13/10/2024 23:41

I am in this position too! Older teen is the one who never wants to go but her and younger teen are v close and now younger teen is pushing back too. I have had them both here quite a few weekends when I desperately needed a break, wanted to clean the house and just have some time and headspace.

My only foolproof way of getting at least one of them over there is if I go away for the weekend or night as the younger one isn't old enough to stay home if I'm not here. But I don't want to have to leave my home just to get a break!

Occasionally it can work if younger one persuades older one to go over too but its increasingly rare.

God forbid I ever meet anyone and want to have them here and just be.. adults!

Sorry no great solutions here but solidarity with you

Glad it’s not just me. I am dating someone so it will be awkward if I don’t get me time. But trying to put the children first and get balance is tricky.

OP posts:

Hoardasurass · 14/10/2024 22:21

It's up to the teen if they want to go or not I'm afraid. Crts basically let them decide from age 12-14 depending on the judge.
Is there any particular reason that they don't want to go or is it a general teenage thing

Singleandproud · 14/10/2024 22:23

Can they have a sleepover at a friend's?

Original poster

Fiestytiger · 14/10/2024 22:26

Hoardasurass · 14/10/2024 22:21

It's up to the teen if they want to go or not I'm afraid. Crts basically let them decide from age 12-14 depending on the judge.
Is there any particular reason that they don't want to go or is it a general teenage thing

I think they have good reason. They think the other parent is putting their new partner first. I don’t think they are wrong either sadly.

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beasmithwentworth · 14/10/2024 22:29

@Fiestytiger

Same reason (partly) why mine don't want to go. Plus they just like being in their main home. My older teen (17) is autistic so having all of her familiar stuff / bed / around her is important and transitions are tricky.

Elizo · 14/10/2024 22:36

Fiestytiger · 13/10/2024 23:16

Teen no longer wants to stay at other parents house. Happy to see parent for activities but not stay over. Sibling won’t stay if teen not there. Wwyd? I want to listen to teen. But also sometimes need time out too.

I think this is really common. Mine is less keen but is still going and doesn’t want to stop, it’s more apathy. What is the reason? Can you change the timing etc to make it more convenient. I think you should try to insist because they need the relationship with other parent (unless any issues) and a you say, you need a break.

Elizo · 14/10/2024 22:38

Elizo · 14/10/2024 22:36

I think this is really common. Mine is less keen but is still going and doesn’t want to stop, it’s more apathy. What is the reason? Can you change the timing etc to make it more convenient. I think you should try to insist because they need the relationship with other parent (unless any issues) and a you say, you need a break.

Show quote history

Sorry read the rest. Can you talk to your ex about them not being keen??

aurorabora24 · 14/10/2024 22:41

I totally get the need for a break. However remember if you were still together there wouldn't be such a thing as a child free weekend...ever!

I would listen to your teen. Don't make them go somewhere they don't want to. There could be more to it. Id take it as a compliment that they feel happy and safe at home with you.

Are they of an age where you can go out for a few hours in the evening and leave them home alone if you want a break?

Original poster

Fiestytiger · 14/10/2024 22:55

Yes totally get if we were together I wouldn’t get a break. However every day would be shared and it’s not. Life is complicated here sometimes and feel I am a better parent for the break. But if I need to mix my dp with family more then that have to be it. I just tend to save dates for when they are away. Yes evenings they can be left but not overnight obviously. They 100% come first. I thought this may happen at some point just wasn’t sure how others manage it.

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HappyToSmile · 14/10/2024 22:55

I completely get you!! I have literally put my life on hold for the past 4 years as my DS either wouldn't go or wouldn't stay at their father's or he would be horrendously late picking her up or he would return unexpectedly.
It is getting easier now he's older as I can at least leave them for a few hours. That doesn't really help people staying over etc, but I guess I will have my time when they move out. I do feel bitter about it as everyone else has moved on (father's girl friend was pregnant before very long at all), but my focus was deliberately on DS and I don't really regret that as they didn't choose to be in this situation.