Am I weird for having no friends?

[Ellsx6]

I'm in my early 20s and since my childhood bestie dropped me at 16 I literally have 0 friends. Don't have a social life as I have no one to do anything with. I have a partner and sister (we're 1yr7months apart and very close!) but no other family really as my mother lives 3 hours away and I don't speak to my extended family due to family arguments when I was younger and I've never bothered to reconnect with them nor do I want to either really. I've been no contact with father since age 6 as he has a new family and didn't want to see me anymore.

I went to school/college but never found I 'clicked' with anyone really. Everyone says I'm quite mature for my age so maybe why? I feel like I were forced to grow up quite fast tbh. I've always been self employed and I work alone so quite hard to meet people. The 3 friendships I've formed with people since being an adult all are no longer friends because

1. In all honesty she was just too loud and crazy for me and always on one/always on alcohol/drugs. I've never done drugs and don't drink often so it was just irritating me. I'm quite 'settled' and enjoy a quiet life it was all just to hectic for me

1. Felt like she was using me as she was only available when she needed help from me or wanted me to drive her and her sister somewhere for there benefit (didn't even offer petrol money or anything!)

1. We were honestly amazing friends at first then she started to try and flirt with my partner?! Partner was uncomfortable and so were I but I felt like apart from that we were good friends so I let it go. She got a new boyfriend and hasn't spoke to me since..I've tried but she always says she's busy with him so I've gave up

Am I the problem?! Most girls in there early 20s have friends and I have no one. I'm quite easy to get on with I think. I like to go shopping, restaurants and nice girly days out I'm just not a party animal that's all. I'm pregnant and worried my baby will have no baby friends and I'll have no mum friends either😖

Are you happy?

That's the thing you need to answer.

I have no friends. I have no partner. I don't speak to family. I can go weeks without speaking to another adult, and when I do, I don't enjoy it.
I don't like people. I like solitude and being left alone. I'm very happy this way and prefer it. I tried for many years to fit in, never worked, just made me miserable.

So.

Are you happy and content?
Or unhappy and lonely?

Yes I would say most people considered it weird. I have no friends use to be close to my sister like you and she had loads of friends and they became my friends but we fell out so no back to having no friends and yes people find it odd

You have two close people and if you're happy then it's fine. Don't think it's wierd. Other people who would have continued the 3 friends you mentioned may end up dragged down because it of and many people do. I don't see any point in keeping friendships that aren't meaningful.

I think you sound lovely. And can spot a bad friend a mile off, I’m sorry youve had these experiences. Maybe you just haven’t yet met your ‘people’. Please don’t let your life experience so far put you off from going to baby groups once little one is born. Everyone is always welcoming there as you’re all in the same boat ❤️

@NunyaBeeswax sometimes yes sometimes no
I think I find it hard to make friends because I feel like I don't fit in and I won't force myself to be friends with people that I'm nothing like just to have a friend. I'm quite content being alone. In all honestly I love my DP a lot and we've been together since 15 but I've always been so independent I don't feel like I NEED him I just WANT him. Same as friends I don't NEED I can do just fine without but sometimes I feel it would be nice to have someone to do some girly things with.

My DP doesn't really want to come clothes shopping with me he hates it! I go alone which I don't mind but sometimes I wish to just have a nice close friend like most people my age do. I feel alien that I don't.

I'm contradicting really because when I do have friends I find it annoying because they want to text all the time or meet up all the time.. I know i can't just pick them up when I feel like it but it does piss me off and I can't be bothered to text 24/7. I always feel very irritated if I'm around them for to long too. But I'm like that with my sister too who I love dearly. The only person who I can easily be around for ages and not be irritated is my DP or the girl I was best friends with as a teen but she's very different now and I've tried to reconnect with her but it didn't work out as she's changed a lot (rightfully so we are adults now!)

Thankyou lovely!🤍 I'm hoping when baby arrives I'll find my people at the groups ect..we can hope!🤣
Pregnancy has been quite lonely so far as there's not really anyone to check in with me or ask how it's going which gets me down a little. I feel sad that baby won't have many 'aunties' (mums besties) either. My DP mum came with me to do some baby shopping as I was sad I had no girl mates to go and be excited with!🤣🤣

I am exactly the same. But I don't have a partner right now

I think people probably do find it weird.
I wish I could make friends but I am a pretty awkward person so I find it difficult

If by weird you mean unusual, you are weird. But there is nothing wrong with it as long as you are happy.

Bumble has a friends option where you do the same process as dating but it's just to find normal pals, try that? My friend used it post divorce to build her social circle and liked it. You may need slightly older friends or just ones your own age that are more mature.

Babies are social passports so you'll soon have an opening to meeting new women and a shared thing to (stress) bond over.

You get to join groups, library, swimming, church hall, baby massage, go along with an open mind. Be patient when identifying who get on best with, be proactive at arranging coffee mornings.

To add the job I do all my clients are girls similar age to me and there is a couple of them I get on really well with and think would make great friends with but
1 - too awkward to 'ask' to be friends
2 - scared they won't feel the same and will be scared off
3 - after the past 3 friendships I've made through work all haven't worked out I probably shouldn't bother and risk losing income as none of those failed friendships are clients anymore!

What to do!! Probably just leave it as it is and if it flourishes to friendship naturally outside of work it does if it doesn't then it doesn't? But if I never put myself out there will I ever actually find a friend?!

@Ellsx6
I was in the same boat, until I had my LG 2 years ago next month, I meet some of my very close friends I have now at baby groups and we go out together to softplays and walks bot twice a week. When baby is born go to them they are amazing and you will meet mum friends.

I was always wondering who on earth people invite when they throw a 1st bday party for their baby..so it makes sense if baby's make it easy to find some pals!😂 thanks for the advice. I will definitely try when baby boys here xx

I don’t think there is any arbitrary standard we have to meet in life to not be “weird”. You sound absolutely fine and normal to me.

You sound like me except I am a lot older than you but I’ve been that way for a looong time. You do sound very mature, settled and relaxed. Not weird at all. As long as you’re happy and you love the life you want and love, then who’s to say it’s wrong. You go lass!!

I've always felt on the outside of groups and not had close friends since school. I am still in touch with my school friends very occasionally - one I do visit but she lives in another country. I did make friends at uni. work, NCT but they would fade away once we no longer had something in common/in close proximity (job, maternity leave etc). Same with hobby friends. I rarely get that close to people that they "stick" / regard me as a close friend. I've never fallen out with anyone or had dramatic friendship issues. I'm quiet so people don't see me as someone they"re keen to invite because I'm fun or whatever. I was feeling particularly down about it a year ago and made an effort to join some new groups, and get in touch more regularly with acquaintances etc. So now I've got people I would say are friends - one I meet with for walks. another the occassional coffee. I chat with people at my hobby group and do social activities with a new group. None of them are close friends but I'm OK with that as I have enough social contact not to feel lonely and have things to do. My plan is to keep plugging away with the few people I do have and make sure not to lose touch with people who live further away as when the kids are older I'll have more time and money to visit.

This would be perfect for me really. Someone for an occasional catch up and coffee break or a walk once a week..I'm not the type who wants to meet up every other day which is why I think I've struggled because I'm a 'part time friend' in all honesty. I just don't find anyone my age who is willing to be a part time friend. Most people my age I know live with parents still, don't drive, don't have a relationship, don't work full time so therefore probably have more time than me and think it's strange that I can't reciprocate the same amount of time. I live with my DP I have to do my equal part of house work/cooking , I work full time I've got bills to pay and even if I had some more spare time I don't think I'd want to use it all with friends either as I still like some time to myself!

I don't have friends or a partner. I have 2 teenage DC living at home full time though.

I'm friendly with lots of people and have one 'sort of' friend who I'll have lunch with a couple of times a year, but nobody I'd ring up for a chat or meet up with in the evening or anything.

I'd quite like to have a friend, I think. It was pretty impossible as a lone parent with small DC and now I'm out of practice and wouldn't know how to start really. Everyone I know lives with partners and seems to do things with them.

Hello there, i think you're doing just fine and it's healthy and ok to question yourself.
You will meet randoms who you'll like, you really will.

I don't have any friends (well I have one I could call on but haven't seen for 2 years). I absolutely do not want any though. My 2 DC are both at Uni, I am recently single and very close to my lovely Mum and my Kids. I work FT in a busy job and have some lovely colleagues. I have never really let people get close to me. I think it was because I was bullied and excluded a lot at school. I did meet school Mum frinds when the DC were little but again I didn't make much effort. If I am weird so be it, I am happy with no friends.

I can relate a lot, I've never had any close friends either and often worry I am weird, I'm now in my mid 30s and have got 2 children.
For me it's been very lonely raising them without girl/mum friends around just for a chat, walk coffee. But some women are absolutely fine and don't feel.the loneliness.

You may meet other mums at groups, but you will have to put the effort in to get them to meet up etc that's what I've found.
As long as you feel ok in yourself living your life then you will be fine.

It's good you have your sister around, and that you're close. Sometimes just having that 1 person is enough 🙂

I'm in my 50s and have never had any close friends apart from DH, though I don't think I'm difficult to get on with. I do still get upset about it occasionally. I have a small range of acquaintances so I do get a bit of social life and you will probably find the same with children around. I'm a bit worried that it gets self-fulfilling as I assume that no one will be interested in me and don't put any effort in.

You sound like you have good solid boundaries in place.

When you have your baby, you could meet lots of new mums if you go to toddler groups.

I think it's important to bear in mind it's the quality of a friend(s) and not the quantity.