How often would you want to see your new boyfriend?

[Polkadotpiglet]

In a relatively new relationship (7 months). All is going well. We both have one child each. We have met each others children. (Just for context).

In a relationship where you don't yet love together and there are children involved, how often would you expect to see your partner? A few nights a week? Just at weekends? Once every couple of weeks? An hour here, an hour there?

I feel like we've barely spent any time together recently but am worried about mentioning it in case I'm being completely unreasonable.

Once a week, minimum I think. If working full time, I probably don't want to see them during the week, but I'd expect to see them for either a night out, or the day at the weekend.

How old are the children and what are the arrangements for them? Is it a case that he can’t get child free time? Or is he reluctant to get too involved with your child?

Couple of times a week would be reasonable I think? That's what I did in similar situation for the first year and then it gradually crept up to living together after four years.

Every other weekend with a couple of nights together after work in between

It’s difficult to say because I’ve never dated with children, but I would want to have some of my childfree time (maybe half of it?) to myself and the other half we could spend together. So it would very much depend on how much childfree time I had. I would need time for myself and my own interests, not just a man.

Depends on distance
When 1 hour away from each other it was once a week for us
Now he moved 15 minutes walking dustance so it can be as often or as little as we both want or can
From spending the night to just meeting up at the high street and going grocery shopping together and each going back to their own place, planned or spontaneous, it just easier when the distance is shorter

Once a week might be realistic given you both have children, but twice would be better if possible

Hmm depends really on the set up for the children, if you've met the kids yet etc

For context, I had a 1 year old son when I met my partner (now we live together 3 years on)

I'd sleep over at his on a Tuesday night when my child was at his fathers then he'd sleep at mine on a weekend night (and maybe occasionally one night mid week too)

That was the general set up until we got our own place

Just one weekend night for me, then the other one to see friends. I like my own space and can’t do anything in the week anyway.

Less than he wants. One weekend night a week was my preference. If he’s not pushing to see you more there’s probably something off

It depends how often you both have your children I think. I'm a lone parent with no childcare so once a fortnight would be as much as I could manage. If it was 50/50 care I'd say once a week.

It would depend entirely on the patterns of who has the children when, their ages, work, and what else was going on in my life.

It would very much depend on whether you are both the main carer for your children and the age of the children

If you both have primary school age DC then I can imagine it being hard to see each other more than once a week or fortnight

Depends on a few things tbh. Id want to feel somewhat of a priority though.

I mean we WANTED to see each other every day at the start, but of course that wasn't always possible. If you're worried about bringing it up with your OH that says a lot. You should be able to discuss these things in a healthy relationship.

Like the others have said, it depends how often you both have your kids and the kids ages. Also how far apart you live.

Yeah I agree with @Illpickthatup - I'd want to see a new bf alllll the time! But also as an adult with responsibilities I know that isn't feasible so we would have to talk about what was realistic.

If you can't be honest about both how you're feeling and also the realities of life, then it doesn't sound like a strong start tbh.

I think one night a week

When I was dating in my 20s I'd generally see partners twice a week or so, so I wouldn't expect much more than that to be honest early into a relationship to be honest.

Once or twice a week. If you both have kids, more than that would be too much imo.

Maybe as a person above suggested, every other weekend and the odd work night in-between.

If kids weren't involved then I'd maybe go from 1-3 nights per week instead of 1-2. I'd feel smothered if it was more that 3 days per week. I could see how, also having kids other days and work etc...even 2 days might be too much sometimes.

I don’t know if it makes a difference, as we don’t have children, but when my partner and I met two years ago, we saw each other around twice a week (usually one weeknight, one weekend, and both would be sleepovers). For about the first six months. Then from six months to a year it evolved to around three nights. Then after exactly a year we moved in together.

I think everyone is so different though! Weirdly, a woman at work would often make comments to me in our early days about how we “don’t seem to see each other much.” She’d ask me in the lunch room how things were going, and specifically ask how often we see each other. When id say “around twice a week” she’d say things like “oh so not to often then, so you’re quite casual, it’s nothing serious?” And I always found it so bizzare! I thought twice a week for first six months was incredibly normal!