Should I be concerned?

[FunOpalSwan]

I’m really struggling with how to address something with DH, and I’d appreciate any advice. Our DD (17) recently started dating a lovely young man, and while I’m happy she’s found someone who makes her happy, DH has been reacting… strongly. He’s not just disapproving – he’s actually thrown out some of the gifts her boyfriend has given her, like a necklace and a couple of other little things. When I asked him why, he got really angry and said he didn’t want her “distracted” and that “she deserves better.”
I’ve tried to talk to him about how intense he’s been lately, but he’s so adamant that this relationship isn’t good for her. He also makes strange remarks sometimes, like saying our DD is starting to look like me when we first met, or asking what I think of her boyfriend’s looks, as if he’s comparing him to her. I’m not sure what to make of it, and it’s been unsettling, to be honest.
I want to approach this in a way that won’t make things worse, but I also don’t want our DD to feel unsupported or hurt by her own father’s actions. Has anyone else dealt with a DH who’s overprotective to the point of being possessive? How can I address this without escalating things?

I am hoping you are bored, nothing to do, and so started this thread

I wish I was. This is serious.

If this is actually true then she needs to get away from the abusive piece of shit known as her 'dad'.

I'm trying to get rid of him, to no avail.

When you say you are trying to get rid of him, what do you mean? What are the barriers?

I say this as someone who dealt with coercive control and broken bones and bite injuries from the father of my DC. It is possible to go to someone, any advocate, tell them what you wrote here and ask them to help you end the marriage. I went to my parents when a chunk of skin on my shoulder was missing from one particular attack. Sometimes you need someone else to set the wheels in motion but the most important thing is giving it voice and putting it into the 'public' realm that is outside you two. It is serious, you are right.

He said "I'll only leave this house when I'm carried out in a box"

This is probably wildly inaccurate and inappropriate but the first thing I thought of when I read your post was sexual abuse. he is reacting like an ex boyfriend and not like her dad. he has no right to throw out gifts she has been given and is clearly insanely jealous that someone else is sleeping with "his property". The whole carry me out in a box bollocks is just that - bollocks. go and see a soilicitor and start divorce proceedings. get your financial ducks in a row and when that letter hits the mat he might have a different view. dont let him dictate the narrative.

I am frightened of him, but I'm going to talk to my sister, she studied law.

He’s acting like a jealous controlling boyfriend and it turns my stomach. You need to seriously leave this man, not resign yourself to staying together just because he’s declared he won’t leave the house.

I know, I've cried over this. Many times.

Have you tried Womens Aid?

Also just keep in mind if your daughter has had an abusive relationship/father modelled to her all this time, she is more likely to fall into an abusive dynamic herself. Just keep your eyes open in regards to this young man, he may well be lovely, but better to be cautious.

He's defended me, her bf, many times, against my husband. So I think I can trust him. As does she.