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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Feel incredibly used.

6 replies

takenomore195 · 13/10/2024 11:53

Me and DH have had a huge bust up. It was over him lying about something financially. Don't want to give details so I can't be identified.

After a horrendous couple of days of him shouting, sulking, fixing it, not fixing it, round and round in a loop, this morning he was being apologetic and reasonable.

He started to hug me then said he was trying to make it up with me and stop the row. We did the deed, he got up, said he needed space and walked out the room. He has since started to go back to the points of the argument again.

I feel so used and told him so. He doesn't get it. I'm so angry right now and have been left feeling like I'm the bad one for saying I felt used. No idea where to go with this one.

OP posts:

NewtonsCradle · 13/10/2024 11:59

It's difficult because you are in a position of reacting to what he's done. You need to figure out what resolution would work for you and then make that happen, but you both need to be on the same side of the table while fixing it. If you feel betrayed or that you can't forgive him then it's over.

Sundaymondaytuesdayetc · 13/10/2024 13:11

I think he has behaved very badly.
You rightly assumed you were " making up" after your major disagreement with a view to moving forward.
Now it looks as though all he really wanted was sex and having got what he wanted wants to resume the argument.
No wonder you feel used.
I would make it clear to him that the issue between you needs to be resolved before you can be intimate with him again.

Original poster

takenomore195 · 13/10/2024 13:29

He's just stomped out so no resolving any time soon.

OP posts:

Original poster

takenomore195 · 13/10/2024 13:31

It feels very manipulative

OP posts:

Dery · 13/10/2024 13:37

@takenomore195 - it feels manipulative because it was manipulative. He realised you wouldn’t have sex with him while you were still angry so he pretended to want to make up. I actually think that is truly cynical and unpleasant behaviour on his part.

Beautiful3 · 13/10/2024 13:41

All you can do is not to sleep with him, until all this is over with. If he asks to make up and suddenly wants sex, I'd say nope you did this last time then went back to being angry. I'd wait a week of good behaviour before sleeping with him again. Perhaps make yourself busy, and go out in the evenings.

Flip