Is this an acceptable lie?

[Lifeisjusttoohard]

DD 19, has been going out with her bf for around 7 months. He works for a small company which also happens to form part of their hobby. They have a large group of friends and she tells me he treats her well. There have been a couple of red flags which (very unusual for her) she’s let slide…and now this.

He works with a girl who he gets on really well with, she has a bf. DD asked him if he’d ever had a ‘thing’ with her, he said no! A few months ago, he made a TikTok with this girl which Dd thought was a bit flirty. She asked him again if anything had ever happened, he still said no!

Then a few days ago, he was sitting scrolling through old snapchats and a video came up of the two of them, taken before Dd met him. They had both saved the video. It was just a silly clip, but in the comments he’d called her a rat (joking) and she’d replied “You didn’t think I was a rat when you had your tongue down my throat” So…After many denials, and her continually asking him, he eventually admitted they’d had a fling before he met Dd. He maintains he lied to protect Dd from being upset about them working together. She has now broken up with him, but I think he will win her round.

What are your honest opinions please?

I can see both sides here.
If she really likes him, it’s a silly thing to break up over.

Liars will always lie. It's what they do.

Trust is everything in a relationship. If he'd said, "That girl and I had a bit of a fling but I didn't want to see her after a few dates. I quite like her as a friend, though, but I'm not interested in her romantically" then I think your daughter would've been fine with it. Instead he lied and lied. She deserves much more than this guy.

This would concern me more to be honest, the refusing to listen when she said no, the manipulation that someone would think DD didn't like them, repeatedly turning up at the house hassling her until he got the answer he wanted. All that and he's a liar? I hope your DD stays far away from him.

Why are you so invested in your daughter's relationship? She's an adult. It's weird. Let her live and learn through her own experiences and mistakes.

Every so often there's a post on here where a man is annoyed when he finds out how many men his partner has slept with.

The overwhelming advice (which I agree with) is that noone is owed any information about sexual history / previous relationships.

That works both ways, your daughter's boyfriend isn't required to tell your daughter anything about his dating past, frankly it's none of her business. If there's something about his behaviour he doesn't like, then why does it matter if this other girl is an ex or not? The current behaviour is the issue, not the history.

There is a fine line between being The Cool gf and being a mug..

Twice he has gone out clubbing and not told her u til afterwards. She’s very chilled out and not the jealous type so there was no need not to mention it.
If she's so 'chilled out' whys it an issue he didn't tell her till afterwards?
Does she run everything past him before she does it?

He took the path of least resistance and lied for a quiet life

so now she’s the injured party and no doubt claiming she wouldn’t of minded if he told her the truth but the fact she was asking in the first place shows she would of been bothered

weird???? Er no! I’ve given her no advice. I have told her that it’s her life and her decision and none of my business. I am merely asking for opinions that’s all, just like people do on here all the time. I have my opinion and wondered if I was being too harsh in my thinking.
Feel free to scroll by if it’s not your bag!

Wouldn't trust him

It was only an issue because he lied. She goes clubbing herself, she doesn’t care what he does, but the point is he lies unnecessarily. He said his phone died so he couldn’t message her, but it hadn’t. It’s the unnecessary lying that bothers her. There’s no reason to lie because she doesn’t have an issue with him going out or going on lads holidays or weekends away.

One of her previous bf’s worked with his ex. She didn’t care, she said she was his ex for a reason and it was never an issue. She only asked about this girl because she felt there was something between them. I think you’re saying that if someone asks you a question you don’t like it’s ok to lie. I just don’t get that.

I think it's more 'of someone asks you a question and you know your answer will lead to a deluge of more questions and accusations and things like 'he went to a nightclub without telling her'.... then you do what you think will be less stressful'?