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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Ex that I’m stuck with

19 replies

BeRoseScroller · 13/10/2024 08:44

So no judgement please. Im a single mum of 4 and I have to see my ex unfortunately as I work Monday to Thursday and start work early - so he has to come and take the kids to school. We’ve been split up 5 years now (my decision) but it took me 3 years just to get him to move out of my house. I don’t expect anything different from him as he will never change (he’s 50 and I’m 43) but he acts like a child.

moans saying this isn’t his responsibility to get the kids to school - he didn’t ask for it. Tells me me working is a nightmare for him and I should quit my job. Never does anything for or with the kids and if I ask him to he acts like a teenager and moans saying why me. Stays over at mine without asking me, invites his dad round to my house without asking me, tells me he wants to get back with me or makes inappropriate comments. Took money out of my purse without me knowing( he owes over 2k in maintenance but that’s another story). The kids can’t go to his as he has a single room in a shared house due to being 26k in debt so can’t get his own place. Think I just needed a moan. Seriously considering getting a babysitter if I can afford it to do the school run so I wouldn’t have to see him. Puts his washing in my machine but he has one at his. The kids I’m afraid to say are always asking for a new dad which breaks my heart. Anyone else in a similar situation? X

OP posts:
Chowtime · 13/10/2024 08:47

How old are they? Can they hear him moaning about them all the time?

But yes, absolutely I'd get a babysitter rather than put up with that.

premierleague · 13/10/2024 08:49

Boundaries. Have them ready to go at the door. He doesn't come in,can't get to the washing machine etc.

BeRoseScroller · 13/10/2024 08:52

Chowtime · 13/10/2024 08:47

How old are they? Can they hear him moaning about them all the time?

But yes, absolutely I'd get a babysitter rather than put up with that.

They are 5 11 8 and 9. Bless them.

OP posts:
Chowtime · 13/10/2024 08:53

Can they hear him moaning about them?

BeRoseScroller · 13/10/2024 08:54

premierleague · 13/10/2024 08:49

Boundaries. Have them ready to go at the door. He doesn't come in,can't get to the washing machine etc.

Thats a great idea but I work until 6 so he has to come in with them until I’ve finished work, I don’t know if I can afford a babysitter but I can’t put up with him anymore. I’ve had 4 years of it and reached my limit. x

OP posts:
RedHelenB · 13/10/2024 08:54

If you can sort out childcare so he didn't have to do it then I'd take he expense in exchange for peace of mind.

BeRoseScroller · 13/10/2024 08:55

Chowtime · 13/10/2024 08:47

How old are they? Can they hear him moaning about them all the time?

But yes, absolutely I'd get a babysitter rather than put up with that.

they do but there are other reasons for not liking him from their point of view,

OP posts:
Chowtime · 13/10/2024 08:58

Well if the kids don't like it, and you don't like it, and he doesn't like it - Don't do it anymore. Win for everyone that way.

saypleasepls · 13/10/2024 09:18

You are relying on him for extensive logistical child arrangements

if you want him out your life, sort other logistics

saypleasepls · 13/10/2024 09:18

BeRoseScroller · 13/10/2024 08:55

they do but there are other reasons for not liking him from their point of view,

so why are you subjecting them to much of him

saypleasepls · 13/10/2024 09:19

Today he had a go at me as I have to go into work to the office tomorrow and two of the children are off sick. I’ve tried to change it around but I can’t as all the desks are full and its a requirement that I go in once a week. So I asked if he could come over (he works nights not in the day) to have them at mine (he only rents a room in a house so has to come to mine) Cue him kicking off acting like a 5 year old slamming doors and running around in a temper.

stop relying on your ex FGS

Whyherewego · 13/10/2024 09:21

Why is he in your house ? If he's taking the kids to school then have them ready to leave the door when he arrives. Not your problem if he has no where suitable for them at weekends, he can go to a park or whatever. Get this man out of your house ! Stop engaging with him!

BeRoseScroller · 13/10/2024 09:21

saypleasepls · 13/10/2024 09:19

Today he had a go at me as I have to go into work to the office tomorrow and two of the children are off sick. I’ve tried to change it around but I can’t as all the desks are full and its a requirement that I go in once a week. So I asked if he could come over (he works nights not in the day) to have them at mine (he only rents a room in a house so has to come to mine) Cue him kicking off acting like a 5 year old slamming doors and running around in a temper.

stop relying on your ex FGS

it makes it sound so simple but my mum loves 250 miles away with my brothers and I just don’t have anybody that can help

OP posts:
saypleasepls · 13/10/2024 09:21

If the children are meant to be with you
and they are sick on your work day
and your ex works night

you can’t be pissed off if he doesn’t jump for joy at thought of jumping to your situation op

he sounds like a bit of a financial loser
you sound dependent on him for childcare

saypleasepls · 13/10/2024 09:22

BeRoseScroller · 13/10/2024 09:21

it makes it sound so simple but my mum loves 250 miles away with my brothers and I just don’t have anybody that can help

you will get 85% of your childcare costs back from UC

BeRoseScroller · 13/10/2024 09:31

saypleasepls · 13/10/2024 09:22

you will get 85% of your childcare costs back from UC

Yes, thinking about it I could pop them into breakfast club in the mornings get my eldest to high school then get back home for 9 to start work on the 3 days I work from home.

OP posts:
saypleasepls · 13/10/2024 09:33

BeRoseScroller · 13/10/2024 09:31

Yes, thinking about it I could pop them into breakfast club in the mornings get my eldest to high school then get back home for 9 to start work on the 3 days I work from home.

well yes Op

i am surprised it took me to just mention UC 85% for you to see a perfectly reasonable solution

BeRoseScroller · 13/10/2024 09:34

saypleasepls · 13/10/2024 09:33

well yes Op

i am surprised it took me to just mention UC 85% for you to see a perfectly reasonable solution

No need to be funny about it, I have a lot going on.

OP posts:
saypleasepls · 13/10/2024 09:37

BeRoseScroller · 13/10/2024 09:34

No need to be funny about it, I have a lot going on.

yes but you’ve been relying on someone who
your children don’t want to see
you can’t stand
is flakey and financially useless

when there are options that don’t involve a 500 mile round trip for your mum!

Good luck

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