Has anyone successfully got full custody due to Narcissistic abuse (Father Brainwashing the child)?

[joeysparkle]

Really interested to hear if anyone has successfully got full custody through going to court? Is it even possible to prove (and be believed) subtle yet powerful and complex narcissistic abuse.

I want to be really clear here, this is not someone throwing the word 'narcissist' around lightly.

My daughter is 11 (y7) and wants more time with him, she will say anything to please him. The best and sadly most true to our situation, way to describe it is that she is in a cult of two ..him, the charismatic, mind controlling (he even trained in NLP) leader who I now see clearer than ever before, is driving a pattern in her to 'drop' her friends and view me as 'psychotic', and her; the 'golden child' who under a recently emerging outer, very ugly 'better than' demeanour is totally brainwashed and would, I'm 80% sure, tell any court she wants to live with him more than me (because she is scared of displeasing him).

We have never needed to go through courts or even CSA before. I have just granted them more time together but after an incident I've just found out about I will be changing it back to her seeing him every other weekend (4nights) and a few hours every mid week ...this will be difficult as I will inevitably be framed as the horrid controlling psycho mum but I plan to try really hard to stick to my boundaries.

I havn't worked since February and ended up quitting my job (which I loved) because this whole complex dynamic is so all-consuming and I end up getting triggered into PTSD responses.

I started with a new Narcissism aware therapist last week who offers family therapy but I need to have my own before she will consider seeing me & my daughter together.

It's really really hard, trying to walk the line between 'sticking to my boundaries' and 'not calling out the narcissist'

Thanks for reading if you got this far, I'd really appreciate any input from people who understand covert narcissism

(just to be clear, we were never a couple but were friends and got on well from when she was born to about age 7, never lived together as a family, he has never been violent and doesn't get cross -doesn't show any strong emotions at all in fact to the point he has taught her to say she feels unsafe the minute I show any slight frustration like this is an unnatural 'wrong / mentally ill' response). it's a mess and I feel like I'm losing my beautiful girl.

What he's doing is textbook parental alienation, and yes, you can take him to court for it. See your lawyer and tell him/her all this. Have your lawyer ask that both your ex and the child undergo a psychiatric evaluation.

If he works, and you don’t, due to mental health issues, and at age 11 she expresses a desire to spend more time with him, and you’ve no evidence of abuse, you’ve almost nil chance of full custody.

It may go the other way.

I agree here

I'm struggling to see how this would require so much time and energy that you now can't work for the better part of a year?

You are giving him more fuel sadly as he can argue you are the mentally unstable one - and fixating on him and how he parents which technically would be true?

You had a child with someone you don't know - you weren't in a relationship weren't a family - both of your decision making in that respect is questionable at best

Wow!!!
Be kind people. Please.

Some people clearly don't understand complex Narcissistic abuse and the ptsd it can result in so please scroll on in that instance. Thanks.

I've known him for 18 years.
I have pages of evidence.

@XChrome
Thanks, I don't have a lawyer yet but hadn't even realised this was something I could do. I will look into this. Thanks again.

’Be Kind’ is not going to help you in the courtroom.

@SophiaJ8
No it won't but it is what I need in this instance and I have asked for support, not attack.
If you don't have anything nice to say keep scrolling.

Sounds like an awful situation and you have my full sympathies OP, but if you go to court with this narcissist it will be a very difficult experience and mud will be slung in all directions. If your mental health is fragile this may not be the best time to start this process. There will be no 'be kind' in proceedings. I would build your emotional resilience with your therapist and get back into work (so that can't be used against you to say you can't fund full time care of your DD).

I have been through narc abuse and understand the cPTSD completely but you are absolutely correct that most others will not see this dynamic for what it is.

The reality is as others have said it is likely that you would come out of it looking badly and he won’t almost said with 100% certainty.

Others will see it as a two sided situation with the victim equally culpable for a dysfunctional dynamic set up to meet the needs of others at the expense of the victim, it is more akin to having a damaging parasite than having a relationship.

You need to meet the situation where it is at. You have to learn to manage your own triggers and stay away from people who intentionally trigger you back into the dysfunction. You need to get an arrangement in place that minimises the impact your ex has on yourself and your daughter. You won’t be able to prevent it entirely so it will need to be a managed relationship until she starts to understand the dynamics.