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Original poster

His phones been off all day

24 replies

ThisTaupeBee · 12/10/2024 23:26

Hi, going to keep it short as possible

Me and my ex have decided to "try again"
We split due to me not liking his life style.. drinking partying etc

We are both 30 and have a baby together.
We don't live together and never have. I live with the baby and we are co parenting but have recently decided to "see how things go" in hopes to maybe get back together one day

Anyways, yesterday he stopped texting me at about 9oclock last night. Which is early for him to go to bed.

Then I had my first message off him at 12 o'clock this afternoon noon. (He claimed he fell asleep early) We exchanged about 3-4 messages each and I haven't heard from him since. (2 o clock this afternoon) when we usually text all day.

This is the kind of thing he always use to do and I'm not happy with it but also feel like I can't really say anything as he isn't exactly my boyfriend. Who am I to have a go at him about it

But i remember the pattern from when we were together. This kind of thing use to happen most weekends

How would you guys handle this

OP posts:
username3678 · 12/10/2024 23:27

I would accept that he hasn't changed and work on co parenting.

GrazingSheepy · 12/10/2024 23:27

I'd forget about 'trying again'.

AgainandagainandagainSS · 12/10/2024 23:29

GrazingSheepy · 12/10/2024 23:27

I'd forget about 'trying again'.

This
Do you honestly believe that couples who split, ‘try again’, split, ‘try again’ end up happy and content in their 80s?

Cut your losses and focus on your child.

MommytoA · 12/10/2024 23:29

He's showing you exactly the kind of person he is. Listen to it and move on.

Ismellarat1 · 12/10/2024 23:36

If this is him ‘trying’ again, there you have your answer.

Foopa · 12/10/2024 23:39

He'll have a better offer. It's literally that simple. Could be the boys or another woman, but either way he is more into them than you.

Grabyourpassportandmyhand · 12/10/2024 23:42

I wouldn't try again either but I can see why you did with the baby

Nor would I text anybody all day long. I honestly can't imagine spending my day writing and checking messages. I wouldn't have the patience for it one day never mind every day.

This guy isn't going to give you the security you are hoping for, either because he can't or he won't. If he really wanted to, he would.....

ZippyLimeSnake · 12/10/2024 23:45

Well you saw how things have gone & already he has proved he hasn’t changed. Call it a day & focus on co parenting. I am sure you can do a lot better & deserve more.

Original poster
ThisTaupeBee · 13/10/2024 09:59

I've seen no change, so I'm done

OP posts:
Osirus · 13/10/2024 10:10

I think it’s a bit much to expect messages all day, especially when you’ve been together a while. Maybe he’s just a bit sick of it? Anyway, you know him so it’s all about how you feel.

Original poster
ThisTaupeBee · 13/10/2024 11:55

Osirus · 13/10/2024 10:10

I think it’s a bit much to expect messages all day, especially when you’ve been together a while. Maybe he’s just a bit sick of it? Anyway, you know him so it’s all about how you feel.

It isn't that I'm a needy little school girl that needs to talk to her boyfriend all day

It's the fact that he's a father and has purposely turned his phone off for nearly 24 hours now

OP posts:
TheShellBeach · 13/10/2024 11:57

He's probably reverted to type, OP.

He isn't putting you or the baby first, so you need to bite the bullet and just end it, for good.

He doesn't respect you.

I'm sorry it's worked out like this.

HomeSomeday · 13/10/2024 16:32

ThisTaupeBee · 12/10/2024 23:26

Hi, going to keep it short as possible

Me and my ex have decided to "try again"
We split due to me not liking his life style.. drinking partying etc

We are both 30 and have a baby together.
We don't live together and never have. I live with the baby and we are co parenting but have recently decided to "see how things go" in hopes to maybe get back together one day

Anyways, yesterday he stopped texting me at about 9oclock last night. Which is early for him to go to bed.

Then I had my first message off him at 12 o'clock this afternoon noon. (He claimed he fell asleep early) We exchanged about 3-4 messages each and I haven't heard from him since. (2 o clock this afternoon) when we usually text all day.

This is the kind of thing he always use to do and I'm not happy with it but also feel like I can't really say anything as he isn't exactly my boyfriend. Who am I to have a go at him about it

But i remember the pattern from when we were together. This kind of thing use to happen most weekends

How would you guys handle this

He isn't going to change OP. Hopefully he'll be a better father than partner, but I doubt it. Concentrate on your and your child's happiness.

Spagettifunction · 13/10/2024 16:34

I’d take this as a valuable lesson and you are worth more, I would keep it amicable for the sake of the child but that would be the end of a romantic relationship for me.

betterangels · 13/10/2024 16:36

ThisTaupeBee · 13/10/2024 11:55

It isn't that I'm a needy little school girl that needs to talk to her boyfriend all day

It's the fact that he's a father and has purposely turned his phone off for nearly 24 hours now

Show quote history

Because he can. He doesn't live with the baby and is able to prioritise himself at will. Which is what he's doing.

Forget about getting back together, nothing is likely to change.

WeeOrcadian · 13/10/2024 16:41

He's shown you who he is

He's your ex for a reason, remember that

mindutopia · 13/10/2024 17:28

If it was a healthy relationship and you were truly meant to be together, it wouldn’t be this hard. If you couldn’t make it work in the easy days before you had a baby, it’s not going to work now.

That said, this level of communication sounds smothering and unhealthy. I probably don’t even talk to Dh that much in 24 hours and we are very happily married and living together. I don’t really blame him for needing a break from the constant messaging!

Stormyweatheroutthere · 13/10/2024 17:30

He agreed /suggested to try a again to keep you from meeting a decent man. Meanwhile he does his own thing as you aren't really together.. Wise up and get rid op. Maybe when he is paying cms he won't be able to do so much of his own thing..

toadlady · 13/10/2024 17:31

If he was serious about trying again and proving he's the type of partner who will commit long term he would be showing you that. Making a conscious effort to do so.

If he isn't then the only logical assumption is that he isn't that bothered and has no intention of changing.

wwjalme · 13/10/2024 17:42

Just get rid of him.
I had an ex like this and we "tried again" 3 times (more fool me). Same every bloody time. He'd be ok for a while and then he'd be off drinking with the lads, phone went off, no sign of him until he showed up at 4 am or even the next day still pissed.
It's no way to live, hanging around at home (in your case bringing up a baby) and waiting for whatever crumbs he happens to throw your way.
Save yourself a whole load of heartache and tell him to get lost. You can co-parent but you don't want to be with him.
He's living the life of a single bloke while having you waiting around until whenever he decides to grace you with his presence.
You aren't living together so it's easy to draw a line under this and move on. Get proper child maintenance in place and arrangements for him to see his child.

Sassybooklover · 13/10/2024 18:05

When couples split and then try again, but then split - it's telling you that the relationship isn't going to work. Whatever spit you up in the first place, has never really been resolved, so the same issues are still there! I understand why you wanted to try again, for your child's sake. You accept you're 30, have the responsibility of a child, home etc. Your ex is still at the stage of wanting to see his mates all the time, going out drinking/partying and doesn't really want responsibility or to be tied down. Essentially, you're both at two very different stages in your lives. In theory he should be on the same page as you, but he's not, he's immature and wants the single life. You need to accept you are are different stages in life, try your best to co-parent, and go your separate ways.

DeliciousApples · 13/10/2024 18:54

Are you both on the same page?

You said: "recently decided to "see how things go" in hopes to maybe get back together one day"

So "in the hopes"..."one day". Um so you're not trying again yet then?

If he's not your bf yet he therefore shouldn't be having to text you multiple times a day?

Not entirely sure you've got any rights to chase him. What was agreed prior?

I think he's not ready to do what you want but maybe you can't demand that from a guy who is essentially your ex just now and not your bf.

I think you need to communicate better and have new expectations.

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 13/10/2024 18:56

You know you can do better.

5475878237NC · 13/10/2024 19:07

mindutopia · 13/10/2024 17:28

If it was a healthy relationship and you were truly meant to be together, it wouldn’t be this hard. If you couldn’t make it work in the easy days before you had a baby, it’s not going to work now.

That said, this level of communication sounds smothering and unhealthy. I probably don’t even talk to Dh that much in 24 hours and we are very happily married and living together. I don’t really blame him for needing a break from the constant messaging!

Come on. Context is everything. The OP and this man have had many conversations about what they both need to make a go of it again and he hasn't kept up his end. Comparing how much one couple, in a stable marital relationship, communicate is irrelevant.

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