Signs a friend is jealous

[Superfoodie123]

Hi

Has anyone had experiences of a jealous friend for whatever reason and can list below the type of behaviour they show?

Thanks

Passive aggressive comments. Example: I'd just had a baby, was very weak with a two door car and I said I was late because a delivery van parked in the only child and parent space and I could not get the car seat out. Her response was "so you want special treatment now you have a child"

I have but it was jealousy from their own insecurity. But in my case it came out as little jabs here and there. Remarks like omg you wore makeup we just going out for dinner. My makeup is very minimal but it would make me feel self conscious and silly.

Then the remarks would become mean and I started to notice little glimpses of micro expressions of contempt that really unnerved me.

In the end I distanced myself from them as it got worse and it came to light she was struggling with self image and her husband lost attraction to her.

I have experienced a couple of jealous/envious friends recently. I have lost 2 stone since May (and dropped 2-3 dress sizes,) and although I am still around 2 stone overweight, and need/want to drop another 2 dress sizes, they both tell me that I don't need to lose anymore, and should stop my diet/ health kick/ walking 2-3 miles a day.

Can't bear the thought of me looking better than them! No WAY do I 'need to stop.' They seem slightly annoyed that I am looking slimmer and fitter. One person told me (in front of one of these friends) that my weight loss has taken 7 years off me. Her face went a deep red. She was fuming! 😆 I look slimmer AND younger. Oh NO! 😂

Brilliant ! Good for you 😊

old saying ”who needs enemies with friends like that”

@SabreIsMyFave Amazing!

When a friend knows something good has happened in your life, and instead of celebrating with you, blanks you/acts disinterested in you.
Also little put downs here and there.

Thank you. Reading it back, it read like a bit of a stealth brag! (Sorry if it came across that way!) I am quite chuffed with my progress so far, and do think I am looking better for it.

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And thank you too!

I have a 'friend' who would tell me she wasn't dressing up for dinner out and then would turn up looking dressed up to the nines when we had agreed jeans and nice top.

She raged like a toddler when she suddenly couldn't make a dinner date with a group of friends and insisted we all five of us reschedule.

I have discovered she was bitching about me behind my back via two other friends.

She texts me from time to time to make sure my lot in life hasn't improved. Never wants to actually talk but just wants to know if anything has changed for me via text. I don't tell her anything about my life.

Yes I'm experiencing this now. Odd comments, very unnerving as you'll look like the bad 'sensitive' one for taking a comment to heart

@BlastedPimples She sounds awful! I have had a few friends like that in the past. Awful, attention-seeking, me me me fuckers, who hate it if you look better than them, or if your life is going a bit better than theirs!

Better off without her you are!

It's so funny, nothing like weight loss to show you who your friends are! I had very similar, my friend actually reminded me she's the prettier one just to put me in my place after I lost weight.

She seems to like me more postpartum now I've put a few pounds on.

Well done on your weight loss by the way!!

I heard she’d been laughing about stuff that I’d bought. Yet she’d tell me how lovely it was. I’ve heard the way she bitches about other people so I’ve no illusion that she doesn’t do the same about me but it’s still not very nice to hear. I’m always so supportive of her and her problems yet she’ll gossip about me to my own friends. She’s so dim she thinks they don’t tell me. I don’t see much of her now and I don’t tell her that I know, I still support her whenever she texts. I do notice though that she doesn’t ask about me much.

Passive aggressive digs, designed to make you doubt yourself.

Lectures or unsolicited advice.

Copying.

I relate to this. I've lost a lot of weight (but with a bit more still to lose) and have had people telling me I need to stop losing weight, or critcising me for being 'obsessed' with exercise (I run and swim a couple of times a week). The people who say this sort of thing are usually thinner than me.
It's interesting to see things like this being framed as jealousy, and it makes sense.

Thanks @Superfoodie123 !!!

One upmanship, I go on a lot of holidays but they're always great deals or middle of the road hotels. I don't brag but do mention it if I'm going away and see them. They're now planning safaris and business class flights to the UAE etc when I know they can't afford it as they have to wait till the end of the month to pay for a shared hobby. Its funny really as these trips never materialise and they go camping instead, and I really do not care where they go or what they do.

Yep! Exact same experience as me. 'You need to stop now, you're getting obsessed, you're losing it too fast' etc... One person I know keeps mocking me eating less/eating smaller portions. And they seem to have an issue with me not eating anything like chocolate or crisps or cakes or anything sugary or 'carby' on one of my 'diet days.' (I am on the 5:2 - but some weeks it's 4:3,) and I am quite strict on my 'diet days.' I have even had someone mocking me for walking 2-3 miles every day, like it's a bit daft.

As you say, thinner people seem so threatened by their 'fat mates' losing weight/getting thinner, and looking better. And people do often look better when they lose weight, because they are more confident, and dress more stylish/trendy, because they feel more comfortable in their own skin. They make more effort with their hair and make up too, and the whole look can result in the person who has lost the weight looking younger. Doubly annoying for the people who are jealous and threatened!

Well done to you too, on your weight loss!

!

One upmanship!! It's so cringe when people do this!!

I can't be sure it was jealousy but she'd make comments about what she claimed other people thought about me..always negative.
At one point she did a horrible impression of me to mock me for no reason.
She was furious with me for ruining her night out when I wanted to call the police after a man threatened me with sexual violence.
Yeah. Horrible really!

I get people can be rude but how does these things mean people are jealous?

Oh the unsolicited ‘advice’ definitely… I have a friend who for the most part is lovely but definitely has a little green monster that sometimes emerges… little comments appear and I’ve long since decided to address each one head on… yes my child is still doing well at school, no I don’t think they need to finish their hobby because it’s useless - it’s a hobby (and actually they are fairly accomplished at it and it will hopefully turn into a part time job for them once they are old enough), yes we’ve got a holiday booked. I absolutely know what she is doing every time and I just gloss through it… it’s a sign of her own insecurity and it’s bizarre as I wouldn’t mention any of these things if she didn’t ask about them (self flagellation?)

projection… like one friend in particular used to constantly ask if I had an issue with her …. And then used to give examples? I never had an issue - but I think she had one with me and was trying to cause an argument about it - which I used to avoid. She would tease, but not gently, rather harshly like a bitchy teenage girl, very childish, and then the one time I did it back (because I was so fed up with her being like that for so many years) she ended up screaming at me. I still love her, known her for decades, but it’s less stressful now I only talk to her maybe three times a year. She never remembers any key dates in my life, yet I still send birthday and anniversary wishes every year. It feels a bit one sided so I’m going to let it fade away. I feel quite sad about it all.

Not sure that's an example of jealousy.

Oh they're funny creatures aren't they, jealous " friends"

You don't want to lose any more weight you'll look gaunt

You are very dressed up
Oh another new outfit/car/holiday

It's boring but funny. I call her out every time. She's not really even a friend. I think she just hates her life/who she is. Sad really.

@greenbuckets

I relate to this. I've lost a lot of weight (but with a bit more still to lose) and have had people telling me I need to stop losing weight, or critcising me for being 'obsessed' with exercise (I run and swim a couple of times a week). The people who say this sort of thing are usually thinner than me.
It's interesting to see things like this being framed as jealousy, and it makes sense.

It's not really jealousy. It's insecurity. They felt secure knowing they were the better looking/slimmer ones. Now you are losing weight, the thing they felt superior about is being eroded.

Jealousy means they want what you have. They are already slim so it's not jealousy. It's insecurity at having their perceived advantage reduced.