Upset that I never found the one

[BrandNewKey]

I married young (early 20s) and got divorced early 40s after my husband treated me badly and subsequently cheated. Since then I have had a couple of relationships but ended them as the men turned out to be a disappointment. I am so gutted that I never found a true love, I am surrounded by people (socially and at work) that seem to have such fantastic relationships, their OHs buy them gifts and treat them so well. To add to the jealousy they also seem to have perfect, compliant children. One of my kids is constantly bunking off school and is in detention every other week. I just feel like I would be so much happier if I could find a decent partner, or failing that have no contact with all the smug marrieds/ parents that have perfect relationships and children. Where do people meet such great guys?

There is no such thing as a perfect relationship. Every relationship is full of compromises. What is acceptable to one person is not acceptable to another.
What is on show to the public is rarely the true picture.
If a partner buying you gifts is the measure of a good relationship then I fail. Other than the odd bar of chocolate or treat that I think my DH would like, I only buy gifts for birthday and Christmas. I had a friend who received lots of gifts. Every time he cheated, treated her badly or abused her he would buy her something to say sorry. From the outside you may think she had the better relationship. I would disagree.
It's lonely being a single parent. It's even lonelier being a single parent in a bad relationship.
I think you have to be in the right state of mind to meet the right person.
If you are looking for someone to make it better or rescue you then you are more likely to dismiss someone who has needs and has problems themselves. But people who present as being perfect rarely are and those that are perfect want perfection in return.
If you are prepared to accept someone faults and all and they are prepared to accept you, with your faults then you can begin to build.
So maybe don't look for Mr Right but look for Mr Close Enough?

Anyone who tells you that their relationship is perfect is a liar. Marriage takes work and is often punctuated by peaks, troughs and life events that can make it tough going at times. It is also wonderful to meet your ‘person’ to share your life with.

I think the best time to consider the idea of meeting a life partner is when you don’t feel you need to or have to. It seems that you believe that meeting a man will be like some miraculous salve which will fix all of your problems and that simply won’t happen.

If I were you @BrandNewKey, I’d work at getting your kids on the straight and narrow. Work on your own confidence. Do nice things for yourself, join groups with similar interests and really look for the best in now. If you build on that you’ll be in a much better position to meet someone lovely whom you can have a sustainable relationship with because you have chosen to rather than felt that you needed to.

I hope things work out for you xx

It's never too late to find the one, but it does involve working on yourself first. Love is recognition - you find someone that you 'get' and really understand - especially their flaws. You really accept and understand their weaknesses and love them either in spite of or even because of them. But to get to that point you have to understand yourself, your own flaws and accept yourself. I think it's telling that you describe other couples as smug - you feel this because YOU are struggling. It will work out a lot better for you if you take ownership of your own disappointments in life and really accept them and grieve your own losses. I think therapy might help with this. Good luck and don't give up hope - there is still plenty of time to find the one.

I don't think they meant you the original poster but in my own experience I was very confident in my lovely relationship until a few years ago when my oh almost left me.
I was blindsided and davastated and it was totally unexpected.
Still together but not saying I was smug as that's the wrong word but pretty confident I had got a loyal one.
So I think people sometimes say this to let others no that things can change.
In your situation you sound happy and I hope long may this continue. I'm sure there is loads of people on Mumsnet who have great relationships forever.
That is what I wish for everyone on here as it's nice to hear.

I don't believe there is such a thing.

A relationship is what you make of it.

I've been with someone for a vv long time. Our SM pics look good but he's no 'great love' of mine.

We are a partnership running a household/family.

No one has a perfect marriage.
You have to be bloody minded enough to think it's worth working on. You have to respect each other enough not to cheat. You have to like each other.

DH and I have been together 35 years and I am not romantic enough to think he was "the one" in that we were somehow destined to be together and no other man would ever have been an alternative "the one" if fate had kept us apart.

We love each other because we like each other, we have a shared history, shared kids, a lifetime of stepping up when one of us was down - each of us has taken this role at different times. There were hard times when it could very easily have fallen apart. It's not perfect in any way. But it's solid.

I hope you find someone you can work together with to create a shared life worth holding.

You can say you're happy without being smug.
I'm not married btw.

I hear you OP. It’s very difficult not to be bitter at times. I look at my sister who is married and she’s so sheltered from the harsh realities of the world, is taken care of, doesn’t have to work, is literally pampered and I’m out here struggling to get by. She tries to seem supportive but it comes over as patronising and yes smug! Why is it some women get so lucky to meet a great guy and other women get men who use and abuse them or get overlooked entirely?

I’m 44 now and it feels like time is running out.