How do I find out if dp is having an affair???

[Bezi]

I read my dp's phone msgs this morning (maybe this was wrong of me) basically because I am not sure if I trust him, we have had problems for the last 6 months or so where he goes on nights out and dosnt come home til the next morning, the most recent of which was last weekend, the last time I read his msgs about 3 months ago I found out he had gone out with a girl from work, when he told me he gone out with a bloke, so this morning when I read his phone I couldnt beleive it him and this same girl has been texting each other last night, I was in a state and in a rush whilst reading his msgs coz he was in shower and I didnt want to get caught so I cant remember all msgs but it was something to do with what they did at lunch and the last msg from her said nyt nyt gorgeous!! is this normal would a girl write that to a bloke who she was just friends with??I dont want to conforont him without any hard evidence but dont know what to do???

I dont think he wants me to find out, for an easy exit. I gave him the perfect opurtunity to leave at the weekend after he didnt come home all night I told him I wanted him to leave, because after the previous time he didnt come home (6 weeks ago)I told him if he ever did it again he would be out. but he made some excuse that he thought I'd said it was ok for him to stay out (i said he could watch boxing aslong as he came home straight after). So he would of left then he if wanted to get out of relationship. Still not sure what going to do will try find away of getting phone, but I think he will be suspucious that Ive read he msgs now from way Ive been acting, so will be being extra careful in deleting msgs. Ive not actually seen him since this am coz Ive just come home from work and he picking up ds from mil.Thought of seeing him makes me feel sick though

next time you get a chance a chance to snoop through his phone forward all the messages to your phone....that way you wont be under any pressure to read them quickly.
If he is hiding things from you and not coming home then i feel you are justified to get to the bottom of it

Bezi - you could do what I did... I found that a name kept popping up on group emails so I googled the name did friends reunited and finally found her on facebook and there was a picture of the 2 of them staring abck at me!!!

He still had the nerve to deny when I asked if he was seeing anyone else but when i mentioned the name and that I had seen proof he couldnt deny it any longer!

It was heartbreaking for me and still is I am just 3 weeks on from finding out but I am glad I did - even tho I miss 'us'

Agree about asking if he wants out of the relationship (as per Nati8na's suggestion). No need for detective work and also puts you in a very good position for negociating what comes next).

erm well I don't think night night gorgeous is definitely evidence of an affair, she might just be from Essex

I don't know why he would go on nights out and not return that night though

Hi Bezi,

Sorry have not read all the posts but the fact that you say hetakes his phone into the shower with him set alarm bells ringing.

My dad started doing this- took his phone everytime he went to the loo etc- he was having an affair.

Should be fine for OH to look at partner's phone whenever.

Could you possibly quickly get hold of his phone and change her number to yours.... that way you get all the messages meant for her !

Also set his phone to receive delivery reports.....

All the best to you xx

Hi Bezi gosh I read this and it took me back 5 years when the same thing happened to me although at the time, we, (well I) had been happy for 10 years, was a complete shock. I heard his phone make a alarm noise as he was always forgetting appointments etc so he used his phone to alarm him for certain things to remind him, he was in the shower so I looked to see what it was he had forgotten this time and I found loads of messages saved to his calender (quite crafty but I did accidentally find them anyway)!
Like Littlewoman said the feeling like time has stopped or been suspended is so true that is exactly how I felt and so I sympathise with you.

Very similair sorry to say but this sounds like he is at the least having a emotional relationship with this girl.
You need to find out for sure by getting hold of his phone or bills as suggested.
If he is not letting his phone out of his sight that there is obviously something he doesnt want you to see.
All the best with this.

sorry Bezi doesnt sound good, could be just flirting though, but staying out all night doesnt bode well, my instinct would be to kick the living hell out of him, but this doesnt work, I know I tried, I had this same problem, so my advice would be to gather evidence, get it together, because he will have a thousand reasons as to why he has messages, and where he's been, blah blah, oh and the usual shouting you down because you dont trust him, checking his phone, so get your facts straight.

You can buy a little gizmo that will retrieve deleted messages, on these spy sites, but not cheap I dont think, take a mental note of what hes saying and doing, or write a little diary, will all fall into place either way. like tallies idea of changing her number to yours, but be careful it doesnt back fire, and try to stay strong this kind of situation can really test you, if he is hes a prick, and shes pathetic.

My brother gave me a peice of male wisdom when my little drama was unfolding he said that, "they will admit to something small, to cover up the something big! The rest of the time they will deny deny deny"

take care x