New relationship

[breakitoff]

I’ve been dating a man for about 10 weeks, we have agreed that we aren’t dating or seeing anyone else. Things were going great until the start of the week. We both agreed to take things slow.

This is where I’ve been left hanging as I’ve hardly heard from him except the odd message. He says he has things going on and will be back in touch properly soon. Before this week we were having regular video chats, messages and meeting up.

Last weekend he came over to mine for the first time and things got heated. It was mutual and I didn’t have any regrets until now as I feel used.

I really like him and I was developing feelings so part of me wants to wait until he gets in touch. But another part of me wants to break things off. I don’t want a relationship with a man that goes cold when life gets too much.

I know logically due to his situation lots can be going on and I don’t need to know but at the same time a bit of an idea would be nice. Would also mean I have a better understanding of what’s going on.

My past relationship was toxic so I get I can be needy but he knows all this.

Is this slow ghosting or his way of letting me down gently rather than being honest? I don’t know what advice I need right now. Part of me wants to send a message asking what’s going on and honesty about us but at the same time I don’t want to come across as pushy and demanding answers. I also don’t want to come across as a heartless b*h as I know all about his situation at home.

Sounds like he's doing a slow fade rather than ghosting you totally. I would confront him then dump him. Life is too short and there are plenty of decent men around who won't behave like this.

Have you messaged him this week?

Yeah I've messaged him, this is why I know he has some stuff going on. He just hasn't said exactly what. With it being so new I understand that he won't want to share everything.
He has tried to reassure me and the last message said it's not me and he'll be in touch soon. But right now I'm feeling shitty about myself and questioning everything.

I feel I've given him the chance to explain but at the same time I'm getting not much in return.
Maybe he'll explain when he gets in contact but how long do I leave it? Or is there a magic message I can send without sounding needy ir heartless. Maybe even something that suggests if things don't change then I will break it off

Just to add if things hadn't got heated last weekend then I don't think I would be feeling this way.
We both have repeatedly said we were taking things slow and didn't want to rush anything. Which I did and thought he had too. We also agreed we didn't want regrets if/when it happened.

Now it just all feels like a lie on his part or he has regrets and doesn't want to admit it

No matter what’s going on in your life your should still be able to communicate with your partner.

There’s no excuse for blanking or ghosting someone who you genuinely care about and want in your life.

As difficult as it sounds, I think you just need to go along with it at the moment at least for another week then if nothing has changed have a rethink. You've said that you can be needy and that's completely understandable given your past experience. But, unfortunately, that just makes it more difficult to give him time, almost unbearable.

Remember, you both agreed to take it slowly so perhaps he feels that he's pushed you a little further than you're comfortable with.

Just give him time (as hard as it will be), it would be a shame to break it off just as things are developing. Good luck!

I wouldn't message again. Hard as it is, give it more time before deciding anything. Your silence will be either dignified if he has shuffled off, or showing non-neediness if he is still there. Whichever you need when you know what is going on with him, it will be a good reaction either way.

Decide to move on and don't let yourself wait on him, he's not interested in a relationship, he's being very vague, 'a lot going on' and breadcrumbs aren't enough when/if he comes back, I'd get myself back out there and delete him off the phone.

I hate this.

Either state your intentions or fuck off.

Wasting people's time.
Who does he think he is.

Don't sit arround waiting for this man who must realise what a big deal crossing the line and having a sexual relationship meant to you, well most women really.

Who wants to be ignored after that.

Or, he might just have a lot going on?

It’s always a coincidence how these men can juggle everything when they are pursuing women but as soon as it starts to get a little serious or sex is involved they suddenly have too much going on. I’m sure it’s happened to so many of us.

Give him the silence he wants and try to enjoy living your normal life. He may come back in a few days so step back for now. You may find the time apart helps you realise that he can’t pick you up and put you down.

sorry but it’s a slow fade. I would not message him again and if he can’t communicate properly 10 weeks in then there’s no hope for a long term relationship!

We all have lives.

There is no excuse for being rude, he had enough time to flirt and get her into bed, why now must he cut communication.

It's insulting and he knows he's doing it.

I'm sure op has the ability to know the difference in communication from before sex, to after sex.

Any man who wants to be with you, will tell you.
Chuck this one back.

Yup

Op sorry but saying you're not seeing anyone else is VERY different to being bf and gf.

I would call or reach out once more this week saying 'hi I hope you're ok, what's been happening?'

If there is something genuine like a bereavement then of course he'll tell you - I had a short relationship earlier in the year and I had drama after drama in my life (me being injured, family death, child being ill, moving house, work etc) and I made sure I updated the man I was seeing so that he knew I still liked him but I was juggling a lot and also it was a nice 'test' (not intentional) to see how he responded and he was lovely and supportive. That was also very new relationship (which I ended later due to general incompatibility but I was really interested in him at that point ).

My point is if I can manage to stay in touch will all the crap I had going on, he should be able to do so too but if you haven't directly asked him he migbt go into the man cave to try and problem solve and just expect you to be waiting patiently when he comes up for air. Um no, you have needs too.

If she is still being shifty or flakey after a week or so just message him saying
'I hope you've been ok. It seems like you've got loads on now - I like to be in touch regularly when I'm in a relationship amd it doesn't seem like we're on the same page so I'm going to end things here. Take care xx' - if he likes you and he is a genuine person he'll immediately try to apologize and put things right, if he's a bad guy he'll guilt trip you