Move and Finances

[usernamemu]

Hi all,

I'm looking for some advice. I moved for my partners work. Due to a significant injury I sustained just after arriving I wasn't able to find work and am just getting back on my feet. What's really bothered me is my partner doesn't seem to have any interest in equally sharing finances despite huge earnings and the move I've made for him. I've brought it up numerous times and have given up at this point. In the interim period I've taken responsibility for as much as I'm able to at home with kids and house etc. Where do I go from here?

Are the children his? Can you claim universal credit? Who is paying for food for the children?

how long ago did you move?

I am transferred a certain amount per month but have no shared access/ decision making on how money is spent despite significant earnings.

If her partner earns large amounts she won’t be entitled to any universal credit. Doesn’t matter if he doesn’t give her much, as they are together and living together it is the joint income that is counted when calculating benefits etc

They are his children to confirm.

I'm furious with my myself for having agreed to this but want to know where to go from here. Haven't disclosed to anyone in real life as don't feel I can talk about it.

There is a lot of detail missing

Did you move to a different country?
How long ago did you move?
Can you move back to where you were?
Can you financially look after yourself and children if you leave, ie get a different job, smaller house etc?

You are being financially abused btw which is DA.

I'm sorry for the lack of detail but I don't want to give myself away. Im looking for some perspective because as I said I can't talk to anyone in real life.

It would be a struggle to do it alone but ive no issue with having a big drop in lifestyle. More terrified at the prospect of raising a family alone.

If you are not married and have no shared children he isn't under any obligation to share finances with you. Is he providing you with a place to live, utilities, council tax and food? If so it's fairly generous.

What did you think would happen in regard to finances when you moved? I assumed both he and you thought you would be earning and that's not been the case.

I would recommend that every woman remains financially independent, no matter what her partner or husband earns. You have to ensure you can make choices in life, rather rely on someone else.

Cross posted, so they are joint children?

We are married with children. I agree and thought I would be financially independent at this point.

Yes they are our children

Sit down and say ‘right this move hasn’t worked out as planned, how do you see the situation moving forward, financially, home, childcare and family wise? Because it has to change and I’m not prepared to accept the current set up’

his answer will guide you 100%

How long ago did you move OP?

1.5 years

I've taken responsibility for as much as I'm able to at home with kids and house

presumably very little given you sustained such a serious injury?

Could it be that he has felt seriously overwhelmed with the move, sole provider, seriously injured wife, and taking on lots of the home and family like generally?

either way…. sounds loveless and on its last legs given the way you speak about it on this thread

I've taken on enough thats he's done well in his job despite me apparently dragging him down yes..

sounds horrible atmosphere for the children

Hard to know what to advise bar telling him you’re not happy and don’t feel like he’s treating you like his spouse and an equal. If he won’t change things what would you do? What’s the dragging him down thing about?

I'd obviously have to consider my options but I'm really looking for perspective as I don't know if stress of injury and being out of work has coloured things or if I've been left in a vulnerable position financially and am seeing things for how they are. Basically I thought we were a true team and otherwise would have never made sacrifices to move.

I'm getting slightly confused by your posts OP and I think if you want advice you are going to have to give clearer information. For a start you haven't even clarified if you all moved to a different country or not.

You state he won't share his wages equally but you haven't mentioned if he is paying for everything, plus giving you set spending money or if he expects you to pay everything for yourself and the children from your savings.

You haven't clarified whether he will expect you do to all the house and childcare even if you want/do part time work.

If you don't want to give this information that's fine, in which case I recommend you speak to Women's Aid about your situation. They will point you in the right direction.

Agree, we really do need these details OP in order to give you proper advice. I understand if you don’t want to give it, so the best advice I can give without knowing more, is to talk to him and see what his stance is. If you feel it puts you in a bad position and he wants everything in his favour, then you need to look to leave.

Actually, re-reading, the fact you have no say in making decisions is very controlling of him and not ok.