Divorce but both sad

[AutumnalCosiness]

A friend and her DH are separating after 20 years / 2 DC
They are both completely gutted.
They say they've tried therapy for a couple of years but it didn't work. They can't stop arguing.
Is this common?
Should they try another therapist?
I feel sad for them.

Not your business! Just be nice to them.

I am!

Posting here because I'm wondering if this is a common occurrence.
Most people on here post about breakups where someone is unfaithful or abusive.
That's not the case here. Seems sad for all involved.

this is very odd

You starting this thread that is

not the couple divorcing

What is your relationship status OP?

It is sad but, unless there has been infidelity or some other massive breach of trust, it sounds like they’re just not compatible. If they keep arguing, they’re either hopelessly mismatched or incapable of relating to each other in a reasonable and sensible way despite the therapy.

I think it’s common to grieve the relationship you hoped you’d have.

The change needs to come within the couple, I don’t think it’s down to the therapist.
maybe instead of a divorce they could try separate living arrangements and trial that. If they have young dc they can try nesting as well as spending time trying to “date” again.

I think it’s completely normal to feel gutted that something you thought would last forever, hasn’t.

Do they live separately?

I would live separately for at least a couple of months before starting divorce proceedings.

The good news is that they both seem to be on the same page, which will make it easier.

They can remain

Change is scary, but it’s good.

Agreed.
They've been together a really long time though. I guess some people just grow apart.

They've just separated. He's moved out. No one seems happier.

@ThePinkBiscuit not sure why you're being quite so outraged.

Don't you care if your friends are upset?

It's a bit odd that you're so invested, do you not have much going on in your own life? Or is this about your own divorce?

We are at that age where people start separating.

It's just with other friends it's been much more understandable.

I guess you never really know what goes on between 2 people.

See point above.

Getting divorced is sad 😢

Yep I’ve been there, got the t shirt, was more upset for the kids than the loss of relationship personally. I am happily rebuilding life with dp of 5 years. Learnt alot about relationships and mistakes from divorce so do things differently in my newish relationship

It's (nearly) always sad when a couple divorces,especially when they seem to have had a good marriage, maybe they will decide to get back together after a time,stranger things have happened.

Divorcing is sad! No one gets married thinking it's only temporary
Ex DH and I were together 14yrs married for 8. We were both sad when we realised the relationship had ran its course. There was no big scandal around our separation/divorce just a realisation that as we grew up we had different priorities and wants. It happens and in my onion its far healthier to realise it's not working than to plough on and be miserable together

I initiated my divorce and was still very sad and it's taken me a long time to grieve the split. As PP said, no one gets married thinking you'll get divorced.

Good to hear you're happier now @Secondstart1001 m
And yes they're really worried about how it will affect the kids. Sad. But hopefully better eventually 🤞

Maybe. I'm sure they've given it a lot of thought. It is just sad though you're right.

True.

Not uncommon once the kids leave home and couples realise they don’t have anything in common anymore.