Has anyone else had to make peace with being long term single?

[MushroomOnPizza]

has anyone else had to accept they will be single for many years? how do you make peace with it? i’ve already been single for years but i find it’s getting harder as time goes on not easier. those of you that are long term single or having to accept you probably won’t have a relationship again for a long time how do you make peace with it? how do you stop feeling like you’re missing out or life is passing you by..

You just have to get on with life. I never had a boyfriend till my 20s. I've had some relationships since, but they all ended up long distance, so I was still living a single life apart from weekends and holidays here and there. I thought I'd found someone last year, but he had a mental breakdown and dumped me after 6 months.

It's easier now I'm in my 50s, because the question of whether I want children is no longer there. And I've been better off than friends who have been in relationships where they've literally been in fear of ther lives. If I want sex there's the Internet. O do have some great friends. And I've done a lot. I've travelled. I've got enough income to be okay (I'm not rich by any means, though.) I do exercise classes and language classes. If I don't feel like doing the washing up, no one else is inconvenienced by it (though equally, no one else does it.)

There are still times in the dark of night where I wonder why it never happened for me, why I'm not normal. I have other friends who are long term single, but someone has liked them enough in the past to live with them for a few years. I have a male friend who said he can't understand why I never married - as if I have spent years turning down proposals. There just hasn't ever been anyone close to it. We've known each other since childhood, so it's not like he doesn't know this. It just never happened.

The one thing that does make me roll my eyes are the people who've been in relationships, had children and have been single since. It really isn't the same.

Very happy single in my 50s

Two significant relationships, first married then widowed, two children. Second, Satan.

Both DCs independent and I live alone now with the cat.

Cannot envisage any scenario where I will swap my current lifestyle for the compromises that inevitably come with a relationship.

I think it depends on why you're single. With hindsight, I think I'm made for singledom. I was single for years before I met the man I married and I was perfectly happy. We were together for 25 years, the last 5 of which were hell due to his alcohol addiction. I've now been single again for 6 years and have no desire whatsoever to be in another relationship - I have a house, the kids have mostly left home but I see them often, I have cats and a job I love and an active social life.

If your image of what life should be includes a relationship, it's obviously much more difficult, and we can't help how we're made.

58 and been single 5 years. Has a handful of first dates in that time but nothing beyond that. I’ve tried every average that’s suggested to meet people but I just don’t meet anyone. In that 5 years I’ve had 1 kiss and zero sex which I’ve had to come to terms with as I don’t have a choice but it’s not easy.

Ive hit a lot of friends and a really good social life but I really miss physical intimacy

People say it’s easy fur women to get sex but it’s proven impossible for be unless I want to drop my bar to the gutte.

I was married for 25 years but even before meeting him I’d never really had any bfs so I just always come to terms with the fact I don’t attract men.

I have a terrible 2 and a preteen when they're not with me I need time to myself not to be torelating anyone else's shite so yes am very happy am single

I've been single for over 10 years now. Accepted that I'll never live with anyone again (apart from pets!).

Very happy being single. I do not ever see myself having a relationship with a man again. There is nothing they offer that I want or need. I am quite happy with my own company and do not look for validation externally. I am enough.

I've been single since I had DD at 23, she's well into her teens now. I can't imagine having a proper live-in relationship, partly because I suppose I've missed out on developing those relationship skills and any men my age have probably been married and divorced by now but also I'm just too set in my ways I wouldn't want to share my space with anyone else. I can't see anywhere in my life that could be enhanced by having a man apart from perhaps having two salaries for a nicer house but I already own my own one outright so getting a mortgage even for a much nicer one seems daft.

So I accept I'm going to be a fabulous spinster, with my black cats and living life on my terms.

I'm quite excited by the fact WFH cottages are now a thing as I work remotely so when DD is off to uni I quite fancy booking myself one for a month or so a couple of times a year and going to live and work in other areas of the country.

I’ve accepted that I’m not attractive and fat so I’ll be on my own for the rest of my days. I miss sex and companionship but the thing I struggled with the most is dealing with being the only failure in my social circle. The only one to be divorced, the only one that gets no attention from blokes ever. It’s just taken time for acceptance to come.

I don't know if this counts as longterm single but I'm 'only' 35 and I've been single for a year with absolutely nothing on the horizon and zero motivation to look for a partner as I am emigrating in the next few months. Plus I just have this feeling that this is it now? For the foreseeable at least. I just can't be arsed with another relationship.

So I am coming to terms with a life as a single woman. My advice is to focus on the positives. For me, being single means being healthy: exercising lots, eating well, getting lots of undisturbed sleep in a king size bed I don't have to share, peace of mind from making all the decisions and not getting into disagreements / fights, focusing on my friends and family and only surrounding myself with people I like (i.e. no longer having to spend time with a partner's family/friends who at best add nothing to your life and at worst make you feel like shit).

It is what it is.

I don't think there's necessarily anything to adjust to, you just focus on your own wellbeing, goals, and try to find meaning and community and contentment.. same challenges as if you're part of a couple really!

I'll be controversial here and say if someone is super keen on coupling up, there's normally always a way.

Especially as we have reasonable freedom of movement and socialising...Even without the dating apps (weird places now) everyone who is reasonably "out there' socially tends to find people at their level.

The people I know IRL who don't meet anyone, either it's intentional (which is obviously fine, they've done the cost benefit analysis)

or things like ND/being too rigid/difficult/not being attracted to people in their league who want them (which again is fine).

I’ve been single for about 20 years. Not a date nothing. That’s since I was around 40. I know I’ve missed out on intimacy and being part of a team and closeness but I think it’s just what my personality is

This sounds fantastic. I was also a young single mum and had no family support so didn’t go out or have any relationships so I was always alone. It’s been ok. I love cats and children though

I'm 55 and have been single for 8 years now. No dates, nothing. It's unlikely to change as I'm not looking.

I went through basically a "mourning period" where I let go of the idea of being in a relationship again. I've been hurt a lot (in various ways) and I need to protect my mental health. That's the most important thing to me now.

Getting 2 cats helped! It's a cliche but they're good company and affectionate. I also do things for myself. Like if I fancy a night away or I want to buy myself flowers, whatever really, I just do it. I treat myself how I would want someone else to treat me. It might not be as good as someone else doing it for you but why should I miss out because I don't have a partner? And there's never any disappointments when I buy my own gifts 😂

Some relationships are great and the people in them are lucky. But so many aren't so great. But people stay in them for fear of being alone, having to start over etc. It's so true that you can sometimes feel more lonely in a relationship than you do being single.

My last ex and I occasionally had nice weekends away, it was lovely, I won't say otherwise. A single, lonely person seeing us may have felt envious. But most weekends he just sat his ass on the sofa watching TV the whole weekend! I hate having the tv on in the day, it gives me a headache. We'd do nothing together, unless I sat down and watched tv with him! It was shit and I did feel lonely. I am so much happier sitting here now in peace and quiet, choosing what I want to do, what I'll have for dinner later etc.

The harsh truth is we don't all get everything we want in life. That's just how it is. Me feeling sad about it will just make me miserable! I also don't want to end up bitter. That's not a nice state to be in. So I stay focused on the positives, treat myself well and if I do sometimes feel a bit sad (which doesn't happen too often now) I'm kind to myself but try not to wallow in it and it always passes.

I didn't have any romance or any action at all till 45. I.just wasn't interested enough to.do.something about it. I've had 2 relationships. Both finished now. I.miss the company but more than that I.miss enjoying my own company. I used to.love it.

I also think MOST men are absolute shit stains anyway. I help out in a village pub on the weekends - the amount of men who are in there from finishing work on a Friday until late evening while their wives and kids are at home is disgusting. They’re in on a Saturday afternoon too, and again on a Sunday after a few rounds of golf/other hobby in the morning.

A fair few have made a drunken pass at me, and the comments they make about women are disgusting. I’m sure there are a few good ones, but you only have to read the relationship boards to see what women are putting up with.

Not for me thanks.

I’m much happier now I’m single even though I haven’t had abusive relationships. I don’t need to make peace with & have never looked for a relationship so not your target audience but I will say, I think this will become more common. Men by far, are getting the better deal generally in relationships. It’s easier for a man to find a great woman than it is for us to find a great man. I just fill my life with my DD, my dog & my friends & I really like time on my own. I don’t feel lonely & I love making all my own decisions in life. I am my own best friend.

When my DD leaves home I might/might not be open to a funny, interesting man that is happy to see me only once a week, has his own house and isn’t needy🤣 but I won’t be looking for it.

I'm younger than you and thrilled to to single until I die