Handhold me again please support me

[Dodgybehaviour6666]

If you read my post last night you will know its me.
I've just found my boyfriend on a fake Facebook profile tonight after another argument. He's following a mature women to date page (I'm 35) and all these women are looking for relationships and wanting to take the relationship over to whatsapp.
I've tried calling him but due to our argument he's silent. He won't respond. I've just sent him a screen shot off the page I've caught him on and said I feel such a fool.

How do I end it now when he's just started medication? He's been recently diagnosed with bipolar and bpd. Yes I've wrote on here before. I'm really suffering tonight from intense distress at him harming himself. He told me earlier I'm all he's got and without me he has no purpose left. He's also being evicted by his landlord. I just cannot cope with what I've seen tonight.

Please please tell me what to do

Life is too short.

Do not engage with someone who you suspect or has form of previous mental health issues, i mean as in no back and forth messages that won't do any good. It doesnt matter what hes done or why, it's over and thats all that needs to be said. You say it's over and you block his number. No it won't be easy but nothing good can come from this

You are not responsible for him.
He is responsible for himself.
He is probably well aware that giving you the silent treatment will make you worry that he will harm himself....that is abusive behaviour by him.
You have done nothing wrong. It is sleazy and understand for him to be going after other women, and you don't have to tolerate that. It is ok to be unhappy about that and draw the line. Honestly he sounds toxic and this relationship sounds like it's been really damaging to you. Just end it, build a new, better, stress free life for yourself. Be strong, you deserve better.

Underhand not understand

Thank you. He's not replied still but I am going to try to stick to it now. I'm worried he's done something stupid. He told me yesterday that OK his own purpose in life and without me he has no reason to carry on. But he doesn't even respect me to be lying to me. He won't EVER admit stuff. I've caught him on zoosk under a fake name a year ago too. He made an instagram account last summer. I woke up with a phone notification saying your friend " Bob smith" is on Instagram click to follow. He had added a woman who's son he buys weed off and another local woman who I have no clue to him following. He denied it and denied it.

Several months ago now I went to his flat. Felt things were off. I knew he'd had people round but wasn't telling me. Possibly men but I thought I could see a long hair on the sofa. Then I was emptying his hoover and inside was a snapped acrylic nail. He denied this was anything other than from the last Tennant. 2 months ago I decided I hated his flat and never wanted to go down there again. I had a razor there juat incase I needed to shave my legs ofcourse. It had hair wrapped around the handle (long head hairs) they seemed black. He managed to convince me I was paranoid and they would have been mine because nobody else has been in the house.

His landlord is evicting him because a window and door has been damaged. He tells me the landlord says it's his friends. He says it's nothing to do with him. I know it is. I just know.

I cannot Bury my head in the sand anymore. I work and run my own house. I'm a sensible and normal person. I'm unsure why I'm still doing this. But I am all he has. Apart from his adult daughter. I'm the only person left.

I was relieved when he got his diagnoses but nothings changed. He cannot control his impulse to lie. He lies so much. He never admits nothing. So I've become so confused in the process.

I want to be free from it all. I've always had this fear if I leave he will write a suicide note blaming me. He said before he will write down what I've done to him and others. I feel like I'd end up questioned by the police and in prison accused of abuse I never did.

I'm his only purpose in life*

Get rid of him for good

Start living your life for you

You can't keep engaging with someone because they might do something silly and might name you in a suicide note. He's your ex now. Block, delete, move on.

You can't go to prison because somebody commits suicide. It's not your fault. If you stay away from him and have no contact he cannot get away with claiming abuse.
If he's been calling you on a landline, change your phone number. Please stop agonizing about this. He is a grown man and responsible for his own choices.
Let him blame you if he wants. You know the truth and you can speak that truth if anyone asks about it.

If you were really his only purpose in life that's massively unhealthy but he also wouldn't even consider looking at other women. It's not true, it's just manipulation. Tell him you're done and block him.

Don’t feel guilty.
Get away from him. He’s making you unwell. He’s not your responsibility. Respect yourself.

Who's blaming you? He's an adult, responsible for his own actions. You need to block him. Take control of your life and keep him out. Do exactly what @AutumnFroglets said.

Then go and do the Freedom Programme so you know how to establish firm boundaries and recognise abusive and unhealthy behaviour patterns.

Why do you think he's going to kill himself when all the signs are that he'll just be chatting to other women instead? Don't take that on yourself. End the relationship now. He will really drag you down with him otherwise and as you can see he isn't even loyal to you.

He is not your responsibility, why stay with someone who treats you that way? If he does something stupid then that's his decision to make. My husband and I had a serious argument one day a while back and he mentioned he would jump off a bridge. I said to him that was a ridiculous idea and don't think for a second I would feel responsible, it is a purely selfish decision that wouldn't fix things and is 100% on him. Now I think my husband was sympathy gathering as opposed to meaning it.

The fact he was ringing his ex whilst doing something stupid is also telling, it suggests his motivation was to gain sympathy.

He is draining your life, he is potentially being unfaithful and he is unhealthily focusing all his energy on you

Block him on everything including his number.

Absolutely. You'll never get rid and will be utterly miserable.

That's over dramatic. By the sounds of things you've been behaving like a mix of mother and manager.

He needs to stand on his own two feet. He won't appreciate what he had until it's gone.

I'm sorry OP, but his telling you that you're his only purpose in life and that he has no-one else is simply untrue - it's sheer manipulation. He has his weed-smoking "friends" and other women. He's PLAYING you and you know it.
You posted previously that he once attempted suicide and his ex-gf "saved" him. Who told you that? Her? Or him? Did it even actually happen? Don't you see what he's doing with this? He's telling you that in order to be as good as his previous gf, you need to "save" him. Well, bollocks to that! He's got you twisted so tightly around his little finger I'm surprised you can even breathe.
You say you're normal with a job and a household to run, so why do you even tolerate his toxic presence in your life? Don't you think you deserve better?
END IT. NOW. BLOCK HIM ON EVERYTHING. He is NOT your responsibility.
I hope you have a lovely weekend doing all sorts of things except thinking about him because he isn't worthy of a nano-second of your time. Take care OP. 🤗

Women are not rehab centres for damaged men, he can look after himself.

He's a manipulative leech.

He is not your responsibility.

Just stop. Stop this.

If he's so worried about being on his own, he shouldn't treat you like crap.

Don't feel guilty about ending the relationship and don't listen to any emotional blackail.

I've just called him an ambulance as he's taken aload of tablets. He's just poorly but it's too hard. It really is.

you have done your bit and called for help
now block, delete and let the professionals deal with him
stay strong he is not your responsibility

Good. So you've done what any normal, decent person would have done in these circumstances. He's now in safe hands and you can get on with your life. Please don't get drawn back in.

Now block him so he can't get in contact with you again. You are not his support worker or his therapist, you do not have the professional qualifications or ability to refer him on to the best medical pathway.

You are out of your depth. If you block him he will be forced to look for help elsewhere and it might actually spur him on to seek proper treatment. Remember, the only person responsible for his in/actions is himself, nobody else. Block.

I bet he hasn't really taken a load of tablets.
He isn't your responsibility anyway.

Block him.

Op, you're not the fix for him staying alive/ not hurting himself/ having accommodation. You are your own person living your one life and you deserve happiness and respect. He cannot (no matter what he has going on) be treating you badly and breaking your trust and disrespecting you and expect you to do anything other than walk. That is massively narcissistic and entitled behaviour and it sounds truely manipulative.

The awful fact is, if he wasn't happy with you and you weren't "enough" for him in some way he could have left you and broken up with you in a respectful way. Instead he chose to continue the relationship with you while playing around behind your back. This was a conscious decision he made because he wanted to do what suited him with no consideration for you. This is in NO way a reflection on you. He is showing you who he is.

If you allow yourself to be continously caught up in his struggles then you will spend the rest of your life swallowing his betrayals and disrespects and disappointments while you somehow fall into the role of being responsible for his welfare.

He's an adult. Support services exist for all of the difficulties you've listed. It's not your job to fix him. It's not your job to make yourself less than for him. It was his job to respect you and treat you well. Leave him, block him for your own peace of mind and find someone who treats you the way you deserve. This is where your self care and your support network are what you need to focus on. Not him.