Would you leave?

[Farmwifefarmlife]

I feel like I’m ready to leave and this is the final straw. Married 2 DC currently 34 weeks pregnant. Since finding out about 3DC things haven’t been great, I feel the love is lost DH is sleeping on the sofa. I feel unloved hurt and rejected. There is a massive divide in household chores and I do 90% childcare and i work self employed. I’ve been tearful and emotional the last couple of week and DH will just completely ignore me and not speak as apparently I’m unreasonable and too emotional to talk rationally this can last 2-3 days with him not speaking and giving me the cold shoulder. I just want a hug and some reassurance.

I’ve since found out he’s been bad mouthing me to his ex partner who he has a older child with and has hidden debt (25k) I feel this is the last straw and I have no idea what to do. I feel devastated and heartbroken. Would this be enough to make you leave?
I'm devastated for my children to come from a broken home.

More than enough for me to leave.

Sorry you are going through this. 34w pregnant plus 2 dc is a horrible time to realise you are married to an unpleasant partner with debt.

Can you catch your breath and figure out the practicalities?

Do you gave friends and family who can support you with the birth and emotionally through the split, if that’s your decision ?

Someone with more practical advice will be along. But so sorry that this is your reality .

I think finding the debt is the last straw , I’ve not said anything to him yet. Weighing up waiting till after the baby and Christmas is out the way. I’d be financially okay by then too. I have a couple of good friends and my dad. I’m just sad never thought this would be my life. I genuinely got married thinking it would be forever I don’t understand how we got so far from where we once were.

OP, I am so sorry things are so hard.
Hang on as long as suits you.
Forget about him.
Detach from him as best you can.
Get organised and tell family and friends the truth.
Do whatever you can to protect yourself financially.
Buy vouchers, pre paid cards and ask your safe person to mind them.
He's not going to change, so do whatever you can to get through this.
Let those who care about you support you.
Get legal advice.

Say nothing, focus on keeping as calm as possible for you and the baby.

Awwww, have a big hug sweetie...

I'd think about going now, as you might find it harder with a newborn and lose your impetus to leave.

This is something I do worry about.

I would leave.
The not talking to me for days at a time would be enough for me to leave the relationship, but the bad mouthing and huge debt - just cut it all off.
Don't worry about your children being from a broken relationship. Being brought up in a toxic relationship is always worse than being brought up by a solo but happier mum.
Do you have anyone else who can support you - parents, siblings, friends?
Sending you a huge warm virtual hug. You can do this 🧡

Whilst @category12 does have a good point, I think you should take your time.
Concentrate on your pregnancy for now, and as you say, getting through Xmas.
But, overall, yes, it's enough to make anyone leave.
Make a plan, and don't worry about the 'broken home' - I honestly think this is a really old concept.
Children thrive in a happy home with a happy parent.
Sending you strength.

I would advise that, right now, you need to go to somebody that can give you emotional support and stay there until the baby is born. Your husband's dismissal of your emotions are totally unreasonable and it will heighten your anxiety and emotions💐Right now, you need to feel loved and supported.

Your hormones will regulate some after birth and you can then re-visit this time and decide what you want to do. Making decisions when hormones are flying and your baby is nearly here isn't an ideal time...

You have very good grounds to leave him - yes - because he is ignoring your current needs. Pregnancy can make women super sensitive - true, but you would expect your partner to hug and reassure you rather than telling you that you're "dramatic"! Your priority at this moment ought be you - not him - find a place where people can give the comfort and reassurance that you need. Re-visit his motives for this "shit-show" later - when you feel stronger - and decide other things then. All the best for the birth and sending you "strength vibes"! 💐

Are you in the financial position to live elsewhere? If you are, I would leave immediately.

Not at the moment no, I also run my business from home and would need time & money to live elsewhere and accommodate my business.

I would find somewhere else to live and fast if you can't kick him out.

He's awful and will only get worse after baby arrives and you will be even more vulnerable.

Thank you and I do agree and understand pregnancy hormones can play havoc and I’m not dismissing that I am emotional at the moment and it probably isn’t the best time to make these sorts of decisions. Unfortunately it’s not just while I’ve been pregnant it’s been a while to be honest I’m just not usually an emotional person. DC3 wasn’t planned as pregnancy no2 was awful and I didn’t want to go through with that again but I feel stronger and we are amicable he’s not a awful person I just don’t think we are what each other needs anymore.

If you feel that this situation has been going on for a while and it is causing you to think that you are not right for each other, you will need to talk to your DH about this.
I would advise concentrating on yourself and seeking out the support that you deserve as a priority. Then, as said above, revisit and reflect on this issue and how it has made you feel after the birth.
Whilst hormones do make us feel more emotional when pregnant - making not the best time in the world to make huge decisions, you also don't want your DH to blame your hormones for your concerns and "brush them off" so to speak. He is not behaving at all nicely to call you "dramatic" but, if he can recognise your concerns, you may be able to save your marriage if you both want to?
I wish you the very best for the birth and for the future. 🌻