I'd love to hear from others who have been in a terrible dilemma about whether to go back to their ex, or who have done so and it succeeded/failed.
Me and my H have been married 7 years this year, we were mid 20s when we got together and i think we were both a little immature for our ages, we fought a lot and both acted kind of needy and took a lot of our mutual childhood issues out on each other (both troubled childhoods with abuse/neglect). We separated for about 6 weeks twice after things came to a massive head during lockdown, and ended up in almost a year of weekly counselling, as neither of us wanted to let go. Part of that is that he is stepdad to my DS9 who has never known another dad figure and he's been in DS life since he was 2, we have had so many shared experiences as a family and we're a lovely unit when it's good.... but when it's bad, it's bad. DH is a sulker/silent treatment giver and I hate that DS has been around that, he does it whether at home or on days out, and he can be quite nasty to me and some other red flags like not really bothering with my family members, saying there's something wrong with me and blaming all our communication issues on me. He also doesn't really do housework and various things in his behaviour have given me the 'ick' so we havent had sex in quite some time. We moved abroad for his job a few years back but he got depressed about the pressures of work and missing his family and within a year we were arguing a lot, spending precious date nights arguing, stuff like that. Arguing with DS in earshot which is so awful, I know. I got close to having an emotional affair about this time last year and told DH about it and how i didn't know what I wanted and that. He got very upset and basically things were not the same since. He told me to 'get out' in January so we had a couple weeks separation but ultimately decided to try again, but after a failed attempt at a nice holiday in March I just couldn't cope and went back to home country with my DS which really angered and upset H. I have been here since, although DH came over in August as we had to renew our visas and I decided to go along and do this with him as I truly didnt know what I wanted, both of us are finding it incredibly hard to let go, we havent initiated divorce proceedings or even split finances properly, and we both cried and felt really sad when we last met up in August, and we had a meal together with DS who seemed happy we were all back together. DS is very closed up and won't tell me what he wants. Also, I've been spending time with an old friend of mine who I think would want more, if I wanted to be with him, and he is the opposite of DH: very domestic, calm, a bit older and a higher maturity level. I have made an OK life here for me and DS, close to family members, manageable little house and car.
But honestly, many days I feel incredibly depressed. I miss DH's friendship and our in-jokes and cuddles and how well he knows me and DS, I miss our much beloved pet, I miss the city we lived, I miss the friends we all had there, I miss family time - meals together, walks together, trips together, lazy afternoons. I was able to give DS all that despite his bio dad not ever being around, and now I feel I have taken it away. Financially me and DH are very well off together but apart (especially as he will not be paying any child support for DS who he never adopted) it is tough. The thought of getting divorced and letting go fully of that other life is heartbreaking. I am very close to booking flights and taking DS back next week to go back to our old lives and try and make it better. I think if we went back to MC and I went to IC, it could maybe help. But i could just be delusional. There is a life ready here for us, and my friend has reminded me there are other men/relationships out there I am only in my 30s. Part of me is like, the pain of my old life ending can only be resolved by not ending it. And selfishly I want my old life back, I want DS to be OK (as in, with the good friends he had, with the lifestyle we had, etc.) But is that the right thing? DH and I have argued for years, always tried to hurt each other, we don't have a sexual relationship anymore so to speak, and mainly there is real bad blood especially over the past year and what if we went back and it all imploded. what would that do to DS? Yet we both do still feel 'love' for each other. Despite everything.
TLDR: Does it ever work to go back to an ex?