What’s it called when someone accuses you of something you are pretty sure they are doing themselves?

[Ghostcushion]

Just the title really. I’m pretty sure I’m being accused of behaving in a way I’m not and they are telling people I’m doing something I’m just not and never would dream of. I’m many things but I’m not this. I’m pretty sure that they are doing this though.

Projection?

Deflection?!

Double standards?

Lying.

Projection yes.

Also see DARVO (deny, attack, and reverse victim & offender) a common tactic in emotional abuse where the abuser pretends that it is them who is being abused.

Are you ok OP?

Also called hypocrisy
Hope you're ok op
Whatever it's called it's not a good sign

Gas lighting

Hypocritical

Im Ok. I’ve just got this weird situation with a family member.

Yep, I’d say gaslighting. Trying to convince you that you’re the problem when really you’re the victim.

Wankerism

Have a look at DARVO. A lot of that really rang true for me.

Transference

The pot calling the kettle black

I’ve been on the receiving end of this from so-called family.
They are stitching you up, but yes, I believe the correct term is ‘projection’. It’s the most frustrating and disturbing thing to be on the receiving end of, especially when people believe the lies that spill out of their mouths.

Hypocrisy.

It is projection. They do something then accuse you of doing it and thus projecting their weaknessess onto you.

If you are both doing the thing but they upbraid you for it, then it's hypocrisy.

If you are not doing the thing but they say you are (when in fact it is them that's doing it) it's projection. Also DARVO. It's a tactic that is supposed to deflect your attention away from them.

This. Projecting.

Ok. I have had a little reading and narcissists do this because they are too perfect to have negative feelings so they blame the other person and project. Does this sound right?

Yup, projection is right.

I think when they turn around and blame you for something they've done, it's gaslighting.

If they have a go at you for doing something that they blatantly do themselves they're just thick and lack self awareness. The best thing you can do is call it out.

You can actually do this kindly if you want to maintain a decent relationship with the person. They may not draw the comparison themselves.

You've just told me that you are hurt/angry that I did xxxxx. I thought it was acceptable to you as you did xxxxxxx. Please could you explain why you're not happy?

Sorry just reread your post.

They're arseholes. I've got one in my family. Spreads lies about me to cover herself up. It's shit.

If they are not aware that it’s something they are doing then this often ends up being something very tricky OP. Ie they will do anything to avoid facing it including escalating lies/behaviours against you.

Personally I have walked away from a situation like this as I was starting to internalise their projection.

i hope you are okay OP.