Always one sided.

[exhaustedmum24]

Soo fed up with 'friends', all my life I've always been the one to make effort, to arrange to meet, to text first and I'm sick of it.

I'm the one who's always there for them and making sure they're ok, checking up on them and I never get this in return. Is it an age thing? I'm 33?

I could have written this years ago.
Sadly due to things that happened I stopped making an effort and eventually lost those friendships.
Now I think do what is best for you. If having people in your life you can go out with and makes you happy , continue to invest in those friendships even if it means you do the leg work.
I didn’t and I regret it

I can relate to this, which is one of the reasons I only have a couple friends. And even then they can be a bit flaky. Making friends is so hard as you get older. I genuinely don't know how others do it. I have some work friends but we don't hang out outside of work. Something I'm considering is joining a class or club and trying to make friends that way. Maybe you could try something like that?

It's annoying I've been friends with this woman since 2017 and I know she works but it's always me messaging her first and asking how she is, always me arranging to meet she never makes the plans it's always me. I just cannot be bothered with it anymore.

Maybe I could join clubs etc. it's just effort isn't it? I'm 33 and I just think I can't be bothered with people anymore. Just leads to disappointment all the time.

I think you're right, what's best for me is to just leave it. She wasn't really there for me when I split with my husband as he cheated on me, she wasn't really there when I was pregnant where as when she was having issues with her partner I always messaged and asked if she's ok and stuff but I don't get it back. I can't even be bothered to say anything either because it's just more effort from my side when she clearly is not bothered. Think I'll just leave it now.

I think some people are just better at organising things than other people. I'm usually the one to arrange to meet, text first etc, but it doesn't bother me. Unless you arrange to meet and then they pull out at the last minute - now that's annoying and I would stop making an effort with them.

No it's always me making the effort, she never messages me first, never suggests meeting up, it's always me that's why I've just had enough, I had a rough week last week and I tried to vent to her and the reply I got back was 'oh no sounds stressful' not hope your ok, or what's happened. I am just done with it now.

I have some friends who make an effort and some who don't. I find my friends with husbands and families don't make an effort while fellow singletons do.
Being older, 62, has made it much easier for me to make friends.

But if this irritates you so much, why keep doing it? There’s clearly a benefit of some kind to you. Ask yourself what it is. Do you need the friendship more than she does?

I think it’s where I’m a single mum and don’t have anyone really, I’m quite lonely as sad as that sounds and I have like three friends, I just rely on seeing her as little as I do, but I’ve just been thinking the last week why? She hasn’t really been there for me as a friend she doesn’t make any effort soo why keep trying when she clearly doesn’t care. I think it’s a case of me now realising things I didn’t before and thinking NO no no more.

I completely understand the feeling of disappointment. It's hard to form genuine, close friendships. I'm in the same boat!

Keep her on side but as a reserve and make the effort to welcome others into your life-I know that's not easy as single mum but it will get easier as your child get older.

Also, if you know you have downgraded her to reserve, to second tier, you won't become as upset when she is flaky because you know she is not your strongest friend and you won't always care so much because you will have others.

Make her your second best dress-you look after it, it's nice but you won't be bothered to go to the effort of continually dry cleaning it!

You have a long life in front of you and it will be filled with people-some important to you, others not so much but all fitting in somewhere.

I also went through this in my earlier to mid 30s. I was starting to realise some of the people I surrounded myself weren't all that good for me. They were unbalanced relationships and I wasn't happy.

I used to be so scared I would never have any friends and now I'm like why should I spend my precious time on these people?

I have now have a lot less friends but the ones I do match the effort I give out. I'm not expecting them to message me all the time or vice versa. But they make plans as I do and they are there for me as I am for them. My life is quieter now but the quality is much better!

I would say to you if someone is continually making you feel bad then they aren't your friend. Look at what people do and not what they say was my biggest lesson in realising if someone is genuine.

I don't believe in that you don't give to receive bullshit. Trye healthy boundaries are when you both give and receive. I think that's how societies work healthier too.

Well, objectively, it sounds as if you prize the friendship more highly than she does, which is why you’re doing all the running. But getting cross because you make all the effort because you have very few friends is a bit self-defeating — you’re doing it because you want to. But, if the friendship isn’t working for you any more, concentrate on expanding your social circle by doing things you enjoy that will put you in the company of the kind of people you make like.