feeling guilty

[soangrywithme]

not really looking for advice, just need to get this out because it's driving me mad!
i'm married with 3dc and adore my dh. but just before christmas my ex (who i hadn't spoken to in 4 years) contacted me and we met up. it was just meant to be a friendly drink but we went to his flat (that he shares with his wife) because she was out. he kept trying to kiss me and i was honest and told dh. what i haven't told him is that, just for a few seconds, i kissed my ex back.
it was only very brief but now i feel like such a bitch! the worst bit is we've been chatting on msn and it's been very flirty. i love dh so i really don't know why i've been like this with my ex. hate myself so much right now.

This ex if just giving you the bit of excitement you've probably been missing after being a mum to 3 dcs.

It's dangerous, it's cruel to your dh and is not worth it in the long run.

My advice would be to stop all the chatting and meeting up and concentrate on your own marriage before someone gets very hurt.

he keeps asking to meet up again but i've said no because i don't want to lose dh. i think you're probably right that it's just the excitement. tbh it just felt nice knowing that he still finds me attractive. pathetic really.
thing is that this ex was the first serious relationship i had and we first dated when we were 15 . he was my first love. i know this doesn't make it right.
i am trying to stay away from him and just concentrate on dh. i really do love dh. i don't want to hurt him.

You went back to his flat after a few drinks, what did you think would happen ffs.

Your not a silly little teenager, time to grow up and move on.

It comes down to one thing - is the enjoyment you're getting from this attention, worth losing your husband for? Is it worth breaking up your family?

If the answer is no then stop all contact.

I know it's never that black and white. He's stirring old feelings. It's nice to know that you ex still fancies you and that is a massive ego boost. He was your first love.

But - you broke up for a reason.

Remember that reason.

Then remember the promises you made to your dh and the committment you made by having children with him.

Focus you energy on getting a spark back into your marriage.

Please leave your ex where he should be. Firmly in the past. This can only lead to heartache in the long run.

no i really don't think the attention is worth losing dh over. stupid thing is i've taken a good hard look at my marriage and there's nothing wrong with it! i'm just a horrible person.

You must be getting something out of this that you are not getting from your marriage though!

Presumably excitement

Well if you want to trade your lovely dh and dcs for a bit of excitement you are going about it the right way!

I would cut all contact with him now

You're not a horrible person. It natural to be flattered by the attention.

You're only human! We ALL make stupid mistakes sometimes.

It's what you do from now on that matters.

you are not a horrible person. I flirted with a bloke i used to work with one night I got VERY pissed last year. He told me he used to fancy me (I knew it) and ended up trying to kiss me. I didn't tell OH, and I didn't tell him I kissed him back for about 2 seconds, before coming to my senses. I aim to never speak to him again (out of embarrassment mainly) but I will certainly never go out drinking or flirt with him again.
I regret it, of course, but I've learnt from it, won't do it again, and moved on. You need to as well, stop contact, you know why you keep going there and you know it's risking your relationship. Marriages aren't exciting in the same way a flirtation is, but you must know that. You make your choice when you get married, and swap the excitement and flattery for a whole lot more (and better, ideally!)

Stop all contact - you are decieving your husband and the father of your children, he is deceiving his wife - it will only lead to pain for everyone concerned.

CD it's not that there's anything wrong with my marriage. it's always been this way with my ex. i very stupidly thought things would be different now after 4 years and us both married.
i hate keeping this from dh but i can't tell him because he would be so hurt. i'm finding this so hard to keep in though. i was diagnosed with depression 12 years ago and atm i'm struggling..and this situation is making it worse.

I could tell you that in the majority of occasions it won't be a happy ending for anyone!!