Toxic friend or an I being paranoid?!

[proudmum1234]

Just looking for other peoples experiences on dealing with difficult friendshships! I have so much fun with this friend when I'm with her, but she makes absolutely zero effort in the friendship. She'll never ask to do anything together, but she'll do stuff with other people, if I didnt contact her, she would never contact me again, she talks bad about people that are her friends and this makes me anxious that she talks about me the same. My problem is, our husbands are friends and when we are together she's lovely to me. How do you know if someone is your friend and theyre just bad at initiating contact, or if she doesnt like me and shes just nice to my face?!?!
TIA!

Sounds to me that she is a good laugh but needs to be kept out of your inner circle. Enjoy the group times and don't expect her to ring for just you. From what you say you don't trust her so listen to that instinct.

Your husbands are friends with each other. That doesn't mean that the two wives are necessarily going to be friends with each other as well. If you didn't have that link, is she the sort of person you would have chosen to make friends with otherwise? Perhaps not.

You are friends-of-friends at best, and in my view, maybe treat her as an acquaintance instead.

People who bad-mouth others to you will bad-mouth you to others - it's what they do. You can enjoy her company on a superficial level when the opportunity arises, but by all means do not confide in her. I personally wouldn't initiate activities if she doesn't, but others might feel differently.

I would assume if she talks badly about her friends to you she will do exactly the same about you to other people.
Tbh it sounds as though she doesn't regard you as a " friend " anyway, if she never bothers with you unless you contact her.
I think you are best keeping it to socialising with her as required when your husband and his friend socialise.

She talks bad about people that are her friends

I have never come across someone who habitually does this and doesn't have other toxic traits that come out at some point. Guaranteed that she will talk bad about you too.

I would have a laugh with her and enjoy her company when you're out with your DHs but other than that I wouldn't pursue a friendship or trust her with any information about you at all.

So minus the bit that she talks badly of people
behind their backs - this girl could be me! there are many people i enjoy their company but i have no time or energy to arrange get togethers even when they happen at my place! i am fine hosting as long as hubby organises it with her hubby etc so it may not necessarily mean she doesn’t like you or enjoy your company it might just mean she doesn’t do well organising stuff and maybe her meet ups with others are prompted by them! the fact that she back chats people thought may be a sign to keep her at a distance!

If they are gossiping about others, you can bet your life they are gossiping about you to. Some people are just gossips. I wouldn't want her in my circle personally. Stop making effort, if you feel she would just happily let you slip out of her life maybe you should do the same

Sounds like she isn't interested in a close friendship but happy to just meet as couples.