Partner hasn't came home ....

[kellyoj]

My partner went out at 5pm for a meal with his works team
That was at 6pm
He texts at 8 saying he is in a pub and will be a hour
Obviously he isn't home
Text him saying I'm going to bed
He replies saying okay just in another bar won't be too long
So that's him not home till midnight

Now I don't care if he goes out etc
Just why say your going to be a hour if your not

Would you be a bit annoyed ?

Not really. It was only 11:00 when you posted this! Who cares if he stays out until midnight after a work drinks/meal? Unless there’s a backstory and he does it several times a week leaving you home alone with 4 kids or something, I wouldn’t care at all.

He probably lost track of time/is having a good time.
Unless its a regular occurrence I wouldn't be bothered.

It's just the fact he said he would be a hour
So I've sat waiting for him
Then he doesn't come home
If I'm out with my friends and I say I'm home and I'm not he goes in a right strop...just a bit like double standards to me

It's annoying that he said he'd be an hour and stayed out for several hours, but there's nothing annoying about staying out until midnight after a work meal, so long as it's not too often.

You shouldn’t sit waiting for him why would you do that !? He also shouldn’t “strop”, sounds unhealthy.

Reading your OP I wouldn’t be overly delighted but I wouldn’t be that bothered. I’ve done it myself after saying I was going for a quick drink.

@Bakedpumpkin he didn't take his key,he hates carrying them incase he looses them
So I've just left the door open as I can't be bothered to wait anymore

Lock the door and ignore the phone when he can't get in?? 😂

OP it sounds like you both get in a strip when the other stays out late. Leave him be, or better have an adult conversation about it.

That’s ridiculous. If he wants to stay out occasionally that’s fine, but he has to be a grown up and let himself in.Its not reasonable to expect you to wait up to let him in.
If he gets uptight if you are ‘late’ just tell him you don’t know what time you’ll be back. I’ve been married for more than 30 years, and we’ve never set curfews for each other. We say if we won’t be back for dinner, or if we’ve made plans to be out for the evening, but there’s no time limits- we both come back when we’re ready to. If DC need to be babysat, then of course we’d check if the other is ok with looking after the dc, but I still don’t see a reason for time constraints.

Yes it would annoy me OP.
He should have just been honest with you and told you he didn't know what time he'd be in and told you to go to bed if you wanted.
He also doesn't sound very responsible if he can't even trust himself not to lose a door key - is that because he drinks so much he doesn't know what he is doing?

Why bother worrying what time your partner is going to be home when he's out on a social fun evening? Unless there are particular obligations he needs to be back for, surely it's easier to just accept he'll be back whenever? I wouldn't want my partner to have to cut his evening short if he was out having fun, and vice versa. The key thing is annoying, though. I'd definitely have him start taking that out with him, then timings don't have to be an issue and everyone can relax.

All sounds a bit immature and fuss about nothing tbh.

You both sound ridiculous. He planned to come home earlier but has got slightly carried away. A grown man doesn’t need a curfew. Why are you even waiting for him? Just carry on with your evening

All men say that
Also when I went out I'd say I don't know what time I will be back, see you when I get home.

Totally with you on this. Me and dh are old now (50s) but, when we were in our 20s, he'd tell me he'd definitely be back at a certain time and never was. Then i'd get a call (no mobiles then) saying he was just on his way. But he wasn't.

I did not mind how long he was out for - it was the fact i was waiting up for him and expecting him through the door any min. And then a call - still an hour away, saying he was on way but then wouldn't appear for 2 or 3 hours after he'd said.

This got worse when dd1 was born as he left for work at 6am so it was a long day for me on my own with a first baby. Sadly, i used to go to an upstairs room to watch for his car turning into our road at the expected time (about 6pm)

Usually, it did. But a few times, at 6, i'd get a phone call to say he was still at work (over an hour's drive away) It was gutting.

He improved once he hit his 40s i think. I dont know what changed him. He's much more reliable now.

Next time insist he takes a key and just relax! Get on with doing something for yourself.

People often/usually stay out longer than they plan on works nights out because they forget how alcohol works. In future, don't give each other unrealistic deadlines and if he 'strops' with you again remind him of tonight. Also, if he doesn't want to take his keys he needs to be home by an agreed time or you have a key hidden somewhere.

I'd definitely lock the door, you're going to get burgled or murdered.

And he can get a lanyard for his key, or an Apple Air tag.

My husband is a nightmare when it comes to what time he will be back & being in contact when he is out. It’s easier just to say don’t bother - even when he says I’ll just go for a couple - I stop him and say nope no times!

I just go to bed - he’s an adult and always manages to make it home. Avoids any arguments too :)