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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Struggling to move on after my ex left four years ago

5 replies

Gryuh · 08/10/2024 19:32

It’s been four years since my ex left me, and I’m still grappling with the aftermath. We were living together when she decided to move to the USA, ultimately leaving me and our 3-year-old son behind. Initially, I resisted her plan to take our son with her because I couldn't enter the country without a visa. Eventually, I found a way to get into the U.S. and wanted to ensure our son could join her.
However, she didn’t follow through on her end, forcing me to add our son to my visa application, which meant two long years apart. Now, I’m in a new relationship that has lasted about a year and a half, but I often feel like I’m lying to myself and my partner. I had been single for over two years before meeting her, and I fear I might be dating out of boredom.
I also struggle with jealousy as my ex seems to have built a great life for herself, finding a new partner who appears to make her happier than she was with me. I want to maintain a positive co-parenting relationship for our son's sake, but hearing about her new partner triggers strong feelings of anxiety and hurt.
After being together for 13 years, the memories of what went wrong resurface whenever I interact with her. I want to move on and live a fulfilling life, but the constant reminders make it difficult. She’s mentioned that I need to meet her new partner for our son’s comfort, but the thought fills me with anxiety.
Has anyone been in a similar situation? I’d appreciate any advice on how to truly move forward and cope with these feelings. Thank you!

OP posts:
imverynosey · 08/10/2024 19:35

Wait, she left you and your son? So are you a full time parent, female or male?

MummyShah369 · 08/10/2024 19:40

yeah I can’t work out are you male looking after your son

Gryuh · 08/10/2024 19:40

I want to point out something about my new partner: she is truly awesome. The issue lies with me. When we started dating, she mentioned that she only has two years left on her visa, and after that, things might get complicated as she’ll need time to secure a working visa. I told her I support her, and we made plans for her to move in with me after her visa expires (in about 3 months), which would give her a better chance to adjust. This makes it tough for me to express that I’m not 100% sure about our relationship. I don’t want her to feel like she’s wasting her time with someone who isn’t fully committed, especially since she deserves the best during this challenging transition.

OP posts:
Gryuh · 08/10/2024 19:42

imverynosey · 08/10/2024 19:35

Wait, she left you and your son? So are you a full time parent, female or male?

Sorry for not including this earlier: I’m a 34-year-old male, and my ex is 30. After she left me, I was a single parent for two years before I moved to the USA to start my visa process. That’s when I discovered that she hadn’t taken any steps for our son, and I ended up feeling trapped in the situation.

OP posts:
sunflowersngunpowdr · 09/10/2024 13:42

Well you have to interact with her to a certain degree for your son's sake but you don't have to meet the new bf if you don't want to. Personally I would want to meet him if he is spending any time around your son. If you know you aren't really in to your new gf - tell her, don't waste her time, especially if she wants to start a family etc- that isn't fair. Maybe go for some therapy to help you move past your anxiety. You ex sounds like a bitch to be fair, what kind of woman leaves a 3 year old?

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