Is he doing this to be abusive?

[Lyannaa]

We've had an on/off relationship for about 7 years but he does this thing where a few days after we've had sex, he complains that his testicles hurt and do I have an infection or have I been with anyone else? This pisses me off because I've never cheated on him - he is the one who cheated on me in the past. It seems to be a pattern of behaviour that he does which leaves me thinking I wish I didn't have sex with him.

He also complains about 'how I taste' saying my body fluids taste a bit sour. I asked him what did he expect it to taste like, strawberries? He said 'well it did last week'.

I am a very hygienic person who always showers meticulously right before if I know I'm going to have sex. At the time of the sex it's always pretty explosive but then he says this stuff and I think why do I bother.

Is he doing this to be abusive? Surely if he was genuinely concerned about having an infection he would go to the doctor. He has an autoimmune condition which necessitates urology appointments but he always ignores the letters he has about it.

This is the reason to stop going back. Your poor child. Give them a stable life, please.

What is keeping you with this prince amongst men?

And I can only echo that he’s accusing you of cheating because that’s what he’s doing.

It’s the abusers MO - liars accuse you of lying, cheats accuse you of cheating etc.

Its absolutely classic DARVO

It's not that I don't think I can do better. It's more that I know that if I try to move on with someone else, he will try to sabotage everything because he does not want another man / potential father figure spending time with our daughter.

Thank you for your responses and telling me what I need to hear. I am a regular poster btw, just namechanged.

Be on your own for a while until you are secure enough with yourself that his opinion no longer matters.

Think what example you’re setting to your daughter? You’re showing her that it’s ok for men to treat women like shit and that’s what she’ll take into her relationships.

Do it for her future if you can’t for yourself

You know the definition of insanity, right?

Lots of people have kids with someone but still need to get out of that situation. That is the cycle of abuse hoping the next time around things will be better/improve etc. It's about learning where to draw the line.

This 100%.
I speak from the experience I wish I’d never had.

so he has re-occuring infections down there and keeps accusing the women.
Yes, he is blind, stupid, moron or just plain twat, and who knows - abusive.

He sounds absolutely dreadful. Separate yourself from him and organise the child contact.

I have children with my ex but I do not have sex with him.

It's not compulsory, I promise.

They shouldn't be doing that for a long time, for her sake and yours.

But anyway ... Too fucking bad.

You are allowed to move on. You have the right to move on.

He doesn't get a say in your dating and relationship life when you're finished.

It's not his business.

I can guarantee you won't be getting a say in his dating and relationship life (and who he has around your child).
You didn't even get a say in his "dating" life when you were in a relationship with him (!) He was a fkg cheater.

Yes he is doing it to put you down, to control you.

It's a horrible way to treat someone.

Please don't let him treat you like this any more. My life changed SO much when I realised how shittily low I had set the bar for men to treat me, when I would walk away from a female friendship that made me feel that way.

Yes you can't cut all contact because of your child - but you can put him on a severe information diet, and refuse to engage with any discussion which is not directly relevant to your child and 100% necessary.

A clean break is clearer to your DC as well.

Have you read the Lundy Bancroft book? There are free PDFs of it online. Also everything on this website is fantastic and really, really helped me: https://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/start-here-for-the-blog/

Yes OP.
This IS abuse.

Take your child and get out of this abuse

Basically, when I met him he wasn't really single even though he presented himself as such. And then he was running between me and this other woman and the only time he stayed with me and didn't abruptly break up was when I was pregnant with our dd. I suspect the other woman had enough when she realised he'd knocked someone else up.

Then we broke up again because Covid happened and he did not want me to have the Covid vaccine.

Look up Negging OP.

I'd rather be alone the rest of my life than with such a low-life.

He's negging you. Get out asap before your child picks up on the behaviour and it's either copied or normalised.

So tell him straight - any more talk like this and we’re done, and I will move on with my life as there are decent men out there who don’t behave like this.

And if that happens, make sure he can’t sabotage things. Sort out a good babysitter so you’re not reliant on dating when he has contact.

He won't, love. And you deserve so much more. He's an insulting abusive prick. How dare he? Get rid. You do NOT have to stay with a revolting specimen like this, with or without a child. Ugh.

I can't comprehend why on God's earth you have sex with someone who is so vile to you??
Stop. It.

So he’s a lying cheating vile piece of human crap who wants to control your body but you can’t leave because of having g a child with him?

He won’t get better this is who he is.