Have I done the right thing?

[ForAmberBiscuit]

Been in a situationship on and off for 4 years. Decided to call time on it. Fed up with him thinking it was more than sex tbh. We never made plans, he was always skint and prioritising buying weed, was never there for me emotionally, despite me explaining several times what I needed for it to become a relationship. Never came to my house, so I was basically facilitating going to him once a week - a weekly one night stand as I have pointed out to him. The problem is his mother is on the brink of dying and he is (I think) emotionally blackmailing me - I am selfish, demanding, unreasonable etc. I never saw a future with him. He never took any interest in me as a person and often was verbally abusive, showing that he has anger issues. I am questioning myself - am I being a bitch here or has he just worn me down to make me question myself?

I think the first bump in the road was entertaining a “situationship” for so long when it clearly wasn’t what you wanted, whilst simultaneously expecting him to understand that you wanted a proper relationship and apparently without any of this actually being communicated about properly and realistically. Explaining what you need for something to become a relationship to somebody who very obviously doesn’t want a relationship was never going to be a success.

Say what you mean and mean what you say. The next person you date, be clear right from the start about what you’re looking for and what you expect that to look like. If they don’t want the same - or their actions clearly don’t match the words coming from their mouth - then move on. Spending four years unhappily being a once-a-week booty call in the vain hope that somebody who is being very clear with their actions that they only want and are interested in a once-a-week booty call might suddenly change their mind and fall in love is madness.

Sorry should have said that it did start off as a relationship but was very on and off because of his anger issues. I kept going with it because it suited me at the time. You are right the communication I feel it was terrible. He said he loved me at the beginning although I never felt that. My kids are older now and I want to start doing more - he just does not have the money as he prioritizes weed, then makes me feel like I am being a gold digger. I am talking about the odd coffee and dinner once a month. I even pay for myself on these rare occasions. Even as I write this I am embarrassed at myself for entertaining this for so long. His mother basically being on her death bed is really nothing to do with me although of course i sympathize.

Dump the loser. There are zero reasons for maintaining this "situationship" so far as I can see.

He’s an abusive stoner who contributes nothing. You’re basically his weekly sh*g and it’s convenient for him. F that guy! He’s been an ass for 4 years. It’s a shame his mother is dying but that’s not your problem. You owe him nothing. Block him and move on.