There is no abuse but there are things that I am unhappy with. I don't know if this is just typical relationship stuff as no one is perfect. I have read some horror stories of abuse and indeed know people that have had abusive relationships, myself included, so feel lucky that I am not dealing with that type of situation.
We have been together for seven years and living together for three of those years. We aren't married or have children together. He has a daughter from a previous relationship that only ended because his partner died.
I was attracted to him as for the first time I found someone who was interested in doing things and travelling. We also have a similar interest but he is more experienced so I have learned loads from him. He has also been supportive in my career change as it is in the industry he works in so has given me loads of advice.
The things that are making me question everything as despite having a similar interest, we have different outlooks on life. This has caused arguments and at times has me thinking that he is from a different planet. Communication with him can be difficult in different ways. I feel that he doesn't listen to me and can be quite dismissive. The conversations are usually all about him and I maybe get a few minutes. I am a quiet and introverted person though so people do tend to dominate me. If I say something about feeling unwell he always turns it to be about him and how he feels unwell and how busy he is. There have been times when he has made decisions without discussing it with me even though it impacts the relationship. I have also had a difficult time health wise and he hasn't always been supportive in that he is dismissive even though I have medical evidence. I've been accused of being abusive and controlling when Ive tried to talk to him about how I am feeling.
The biggest issue is our living arrangements. I live in his house which his daughter will inherit when he dies. I pay my share of the bills and food but don't pay him rent (he owns his house as is mortgage free) so on the positive side I have saved loads of money. However, I am surrounded by his things and the life he had with his daughter's mother who died 18 months before we met. All my personal items like family photos are in a room upstairs which he has allowed me to make as my own. He won't change the house to blend our things together as it will upset his daughter. His daughter is in her 20's and lives with her boyfriend. Before I moved in he said that we could at some stage buy a place together so this would give us somewhere we could start a fresh. Now when I brought it up a couple of times he doesn't want to buy a property with me and if I was so keen in owning my own place I should buy one on my own.
These issues have made me feel that I'm not his partner at times, just a house mate he has sex with. There is no romance or commitment of any type and he has made me feel bad for asking. I now have to beg him to do things with me and he thinks spending quality time with each other is us just being in the house together even though this time is spent doing chores or he is glued to his laptop. When I think back to the early days now I think he was only keen to do things as he was grieving and I was a replacement.
Most of the time though we get along ok and there isn't constant tension. That is probably because I now I just bottle things up as it is when I try to talk to him about how I am feeling this causes tension and accusations of being controlling. I am 43 so I know finding someone else will be difficult, especially now that I have health issues. When I was single in my early 30's it was difficult then so it is probably worse now.