Posted a couple of threads about emotionally and financially abusive partner. 11 years, 2 children and a mortgage together and I am at rock bottom. I've been desperately trying to keep my family together because I can't bear the thought of not being with my 3 & 4 year old every day, I don't want to give up time with them. We separated earlier in the year where I had to share time with them and I hated it, I almost felt worse off. We agreed to try again but things have gradually gotten worse than ever before.
Just last week we had a falling out. I'd been on my feet all day from 5am. Getting myself and both girls up, dressed and out of the house. Drop DD1 to school, DD2 to preschool and get myself to work with 2 minutes to spare. Finish work, straight to the car to pick up the girls. Get home, put a wash on and took them on bike ride. Hung up wash, put on another uniform load and start dinner. Whilst cooking I'm breaking up multiple arguments between DDs and hanging up uniform wash whilst also fetching juices/getting out requested toys. I'm running around like a headless chicken when he comes through the door. I plate up dinner and put it on the table. He knocks DDs plate on the floor. I clean it up and give her my meal instead. He sits down, eats all of his own while DDs eat along side him. I clean up the mess and upstairs without any of the meal I just cooked. I then bath the girls and get them in bed, then go to the gym. Return home to a mess and him smoking weed in the garden - he's left the washing out on the line and it's cold and damp. I told him that he expects too much from me and I'm exhausted carrying the entire load for everyone. He works 6 days a week most weeks but won't 'help me' financially, even though my wage is less than the outgoing bills he has me covering. His work doesn't benefit me or the children. He doesn't do anything around the house or for the kids. So I have to be a full time solo parent, whilst working and keeping a house running. I told him I can't cope with it anymore, it's like having 3 children. His solution to this is now 'not to buy him anything on the food shopping as he will be getting himself ready meals moving forward as he wouldn't want to be 'such a burden on me'.
I have just ordered the food shopping and bought meals for the girls only. Nothing for him, or myself. As I can't deal with the pettiness of it. He hasn't heard a word I've said and is now trying to punish me. I just can't take it anymore. But I've nowhere else to go and cannot get help to move elsewhere because I have a mortgage on our house (which won't sell as he dug a crater next to it 3 years ago claiming he would build an extension, and never did). I feel so low I truly just want to disappear from the face of the earth, but that isn't happening. So where do I go? What do I do 