It's got to the point where I feel I need to ask for some adivce because it's making my entire family fall out and argue and I'm not sure how much longer I can be around it all.
Adult male family member with ASD..
He has never budgeted his money and never will. This is how a 'normal' week will go..
He gets paid. He will then go out that same day and spend literally every penny. THEN he realises he needs food for the week, then he realises he's not paid any of his bills again, then realises he hasn't topped his phone up, then realises he has no tobacco, basically everything you can think or from toilet rolls to cat food, He will then go into a panic and will then spend every single day going around various family members asking for money. I'm talking about say asking me for £20 for some food, then once he spends that he will be back at my house within the hour asking for another £20 because even though he bought some food he still needs the other things, if I say no i get called a selfish bitch etc
He then gets paid again and does it all again.
He has started showing up everywhere my family goes, stopping us in the street demanding money then calling us selfish and we are letting him starve etc
Instead of paying bills and buying food and other things he needs he will instead buy a guitar (he can't play the guitar) and other things he doesn't need or can't use. Imagine having no garden and going out buying a ride on lawn mower.. thats what he does. Every single day of our lives is filled with the stress of him not having a penny to his name.
we have tried helping him budget, we have tried me paying his bills and him paying me back until he refused to pay me back.. we have tried him givng me all his money and me transfering him £30 per day, that lasted two days until he told me he would go to the police to tell them I stole his money unless i give it him all back in one day.
Honestly? i'm tired of trying, I'm tired of being called selfish, I'm tired of him constantly guilt tripping everyone etc It's almost been a decade of this with zero improvement. He stuggles processing things a lot so nothing gets through at all.
One half of the family feels like me, the other half keep giving in to him every single time telling us we can't just abandon him and let him starve.
I know he has asd, I get it, but i literally can't afford to fund another adult, If it gives you an idea of what its like.. my nan was on her literal deathbed (days to live) and he asked her to give him some money because he was hungry.
He refuses to go into residential care, he lives alone in a flat but lives in absolute filth, he is currently £2400 in debt with british gas for the second time (we set up a payment plan, he cleared it over a year or so then was supposed to set up a new one but didn't) and he hasn't payed his council tax for months, i did step in and made a call to let them know and they said he could pay it months ago and he still hasn't.
nothing helps, nothing works.. To give a small glimpse into what its like.. I sat him down and told him if he didn't start paying british gas they would cut his electricity off and he would be sat in the dark.. he replied its ok, i will live in a field in a tent with a generator..
Any advice please?