Dating

[Maisie2930]

Currently seeing a guy who is 10 years older . I'm 34 he is 44 ... claims he wants the family happy ending . Both have one child from different relationships.
He claims he isn't a massive texter communication wise ... fair and valid as we all have busy lives ... but surely at the big age of 44 you naturally will send a morning txt or a day time txt to see how you are ?

I'm by no means clingy. I have a 9/5 job Monday to Friday as a activity manager in a care home and also have a 4 year old girl . He is a dad to a 14 year old he has every other weekend and is an electrician Monday to Friday .

I'm sure a lot of us ladies in here can relate to checking if a guy has been on social media/active online to make sure that they aren't being unreasonable and can confirm that they are just actively ignoring us 🙈😂

Iv been single two years now and although it's a while out of the dating game , i know that communication is key . Wether it's a txt to say good morning but I'm busy or a txt to reassure you that your not purposely being quiet but just busy .... men have a habit of making you feel unwanted by ignoring you but updating there Facebook picture and CV on indeed before txting you 😂😂

I'm a firm believer that if your into someone and are serious about pursuing them that they should be the first person to txt or reach out to to say good morning ect ?

Let's be real , most of us wake up and have ten mins or more on their phone before getting up to start their day ....

I'm probably answering my own question which I feel I man as I'm writing thing , but should I just move on because a guy I like doesn't txt me until the late afternoon or not at all until I txt or am I being realistic and seeing red flags because the communication isn't there ?

When iv txt him and said "are you not speaking to me today " he replied yea just been so busy but he has had time to post multiple memes on Facebook.... if i addressed this to him he would probably make it out im clingy and it's not a big deal .

Like I said Iv been single two years and am not a clingy insecure person at all . But just need some opinions as I know every man is different but there is being different and then just being plain immature and emotionally unavailable..... what should I do ... he txt me this morning but iv not replied. Not because I want to be like you don't txt me I won't txt you but more haven't txt back because I want to express how I feel without sounding crazy ... 🙈🙈🙈 I hope this reaches the right audience 🩷

Why does he have to text you good morning? Why don’t you text him first? Instead of the nonsense “are you not speaking to me” text. Honestly…if you think it was appropriate to send that then you shouldn’t be dating.

And now that he has text you; you’ve ignored him? Yeah; you shouldn’t be dating. You’re not mature enough/stable enough.

he txt me this morning but iv not replied. Not because I want to be like you don't txt me I won't txt you but more haven't txt back because I want to express how I feel without sounding crazy ...

Oh my goodness.

It's fine to text a lot or a little. It's fine to text every day or not. It's fine to be on social media without texting.

What's not fine is not being able to have an adult conversation about communication and seeing if you are compatible. Checking up on him and not being able to text without 'sounding crazy' is a problem. If 'sounding crazy' is just asking for what you want, then rethink that. I ask for what I want and some men don't like that.

I do think you need to be a more lenient and not expect an immediate reply, that is controlling behaviour, you are having daily contact but it may not always be when you want it. Go with how you feel overall, if you always feel you're an after thought and hes always difficult to contact then end it but if you make the effort at at least you can say you tried and it was him, if you ignore him on purpose then that's silly, how do expect this to work out.

This is either about different communication styles, or he's just not that into you. I would work on the basis that it's the former until there's evidence of the latter. Texting "are you not speaking to me today?" is a bit passive aggressive and would be likely to get my back up if someone texted me that. Instead, why not bring it up with him at a calm moment, just ask about his expectations and needs regarding communication. You can say you like to keep in touch regularly as this helps you feel connected to the person you're dating. See what he says. It would be a shame to let a good connection wither through behaviour the other person might well perceive as clingy/needy.

How long have you been seeing him?

For me these thing happen gradually over time. In a serious relationship I'd agree and like a text in the morning etc but after a few weeks I wouldn't be too caught up on it

You sound very immature yourself. Just have an honest conversation with him about how you feel and what your needs are regarding communication. The whole point of dating is to see if you're compatible and can get on well in relationship.

Find someone your own age.

Why? I’m with someone 9 years older than me. Best relationship I’ve ever had. Most in love I’ve ever been.

I can’t see a problem with not contacting each other until later in the day, when you actually have something to talk about. Don’t endless “good morning, how are you today?” texts get tedious for anyone? Nothing’s happened yet at 7am, you’ve nothing interesting or new to say, you’re mostly thinking of the day ahead. What value does the text actually add to the day, particularly if it’s only being sent because it’s an expectation or coerced?

Just communicate like an adult, agree to have a call in the evenings on days you don’t see each other, stop playing games which the other person doesn’t know they’re supposed to be playing along with.

I read before that there's often a mismatch in expectations because (and I appreciate this a sweeping generalisation as not all men/women are the same):

Women often see regular texts from their DPs as 'evidence' they are thinking of them first thing in the morning and/or throughout the day. Therefore this gives them reassurance and makes them feel loved or wanted.

Men don't equate text messages as a sign they are thinking of their DP. They can think about them constantly without feeling the need to text. They see texts as more practical/functional things.

My exDP used to be a really bad texter but then said i had been on his mind all day (and I believe him). On the other hand I've dated men who'd send morning/how's your day/goodnight texts like clock work. However, it often seemed like a habit thing to them so they could tick a box and say it had been done as they felt it was what was expected

Sorry but you do sound a bit clingy, maybe have a chat with him about your communication expectations rather than sending pissy texts. I did something similar to you when I was about 17. It’s best to discuss things then sit stewing

I’ve worked with people in the construction industry. Memes etc were work banter. (Obviously not when they’re holding tools, on a ladder etc.). It was similar to office workers having a chat while making coffee.

Maybe he wants to text you after work when he is relaxed. The good morning thing is personal preference. I’d hate it. Unless there’s a greater than average chance of you dying in your sleep, why would he need to check on you first thing? If it’s because he is the first thing you think of each day and you can’t wait to hear from him it is a bit clingy. Chill a bit.

He is working with electricity in a hazardous environment and focussing on that. For some reason.