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Original poster

Meeting his friend. Am I being OTT?

45 replies

Uncertain007 · 06/10/2024 21:41

Hello
Tonight I had a date night with a guy I'm seeing. Ultimately he asked if his bestie could join us so of course that was fine.
My date didn't offer to buy me a drink though he bought for him and his friend and while I wasn't excluded, they were talking about their old uni days, mutual friends and so on. As I've known the guy for about 2 months I did feel left out. Should I mention something or do I need to get over myself?

I did get a few hugs and kiss as we left the bar. Count my blessings? Haha

OP posts:
Foxlovesfruit · 06/10/2024 22:48

QueenMegan · 06/10/2024 21:55

Jesus wept what's wrong with blokes these days. I think I'd have gone home.

Same!

QueenCamilla · 06/10/2024 23:00

Sorry, but not-that-into-you is the answer.
2 months and 10 dates in and he's already looking to dilute your company?

You were out on a date but without staying over afterwards, I gather? What's the point of romancing you if there's no sex on offer? And so he totally let it slide.

honeylulu · 06/10/2024 23:17

It doesn't bode well to be honest. The buying your own drink when you arrived was fine but after that you should have been welcomed into the round. It sounds like friend twigged that but your date didn't.

My dating days were many years ago now but had a few experiences of boyfriends who seemed lovely when it was just us, then introduced to and spent the evening with his best mate and was suddenly treated dismissively. Not explicitly "bros before hos" (sorry) but an undercurrent of that. Ghastly.

Mls1984btc · 06/10/2024 23:25

Not that you need to be looked after but he should have stood up and offered to buy you a drink when you arrived, regardless of whether his own glass is full.

Please tell me I'm not expecting too much? Even if I am not dating you, surely this is just manners?

SoNiceToComeHomeTo · 06/10/2024 23:36

I wouldn’t say anything this time but if he suggests doing it again you could say you felt left out last time

MaxTalk · 06/10/2024 23:38

Maybe he prefers men?

BlastedPimples · 06/10/2024 23:39

Sounds awful.

I would date other people so you start to understand what dates should be like.

I think you have low standards

Opentooffers · 06/10/2024 23:46

Is his fried single and perhaps more appealing? At least he bought you a drink. I'd of returned the favour and missed the guy you're dating out, to hammer home the point.
However, now he's said his mate likes you, either consider if you're interested in his mate or if this has been a tactical ploy to set you up with his mate all along- either that or trying to set up a threesome with his mate (creepy, if so).

sandyhappypeople · 06/10/2024 23:53

Uncertain007 · 06/10/2024 22:17

Well I arrived and bought myself a drink as their glasses were full. Once they'd finished I'd almost finished mine but he just bought his friend and himself a drink (must have been his round).
But yeah, still rude

How did this happen OP, it sounds like they met up first before you arrived?

Was it a case of you two had a date planned, but then there a chance for him to meet up with his mate and he didn't want to cancel your date and thought it would be okay (or asked you if it would be okay)?

Can he meet up with his mate any time or are there constraints to how often they can meet up and when etc?

healthybychristmas · 07/10/2024 00:24

I don't like the sound of him at all. I don't know why you're seeing him again tomorrow for more of the same.

pikkumyy77 · 07/10/2024 02:45

SunflowerTed · 06/10/2024 22:11

youre probably single with this outlook

Show quote history

Well—no? I am very happily married to a guy I met through the then OLD scene 34 years ago. I had to sort through 88 responses to my advert. Dated 12 seriously. He was number 6. We have been married for 29 years. My theory was quite good.

autienotnaughty · 07/10/2024 04:51

So it sounds like his friend was around and he wanted to see him but didn't want to break plans with you (all good so far)

You agreed to meet both but he didn't try to include you in the conversation and didn't offer to get you a drink. I'd say either he's one of those people who feels the need to put on an act with friends or he was genuinely excited to see his friend and you got lost in the mix or he just has poor social skills.

Something to be aware of.

MsDogLady · 07/10/2024 05:18

He asked if his friend could join and you kindly agreed, but at the venue you were excluded from his generosity and a large part of the conversation.

I wouldn’t be meeting up tomorrow.

NotAgainWilson · 07/10/2024 06:16

Uncertain007 · 06/10/2024 22:11

Date and I are meeting tomorrow (as planned). I'll see how it goes. Luckily I was s**t upon before and now realise my full worth and so I'll update you guys.

Advice: a guy can seem completely different when with his friends. Observe!

Some change, but if they do to behave like this… you run.

What this guy was doing was making clear to his friend that you are the woman he is having fun with but not a serious prospect, just some fun on the side.The fact you allowed him to behave like just confirms your low standards to him.

You don’t need to be asking yourself whether you should say something, you should be quietly but swiftly releasing this man back into the wild if you want a long term relationship.

Toopies · 07/10/2024 08:28

He's not that into you and that is why his complete lack of basic manners and meanness are on show.

You are wasting your time.
Dump him.

Spinet · 07/10/2024 08:33

Not wanting to make a mountain out of a molehill is a mistake at this stage. You are basically training him to stomp all over you. If you feel something is true and you're upset by it - that's a mountain right there. If he doesn't think so, you need to ditch him.

OhDearMuriel · 07/10/2024 08:57

Why are you even bothering with someone who won't offer to buy you a drink??

What a horrible 'boy.'

You're too nice, so find someone else who treats you properly.

(Sorry to sound like your mum). X

pikkumyy77 · 07/10/2024 12:37

If he “is different “ with his buddies and that means he is indifferent/rude to you then you should dump him immigrants. He isn’t going to treat you any better over the long haul—if there is one.

FinallyHere · 07/10/2024 12:45

Spinet · 07/10/2024 08:33

Not wanting to make a mountain out of a molehill is a mistake at this stage. You are basically training him to stomp all over you. If you feel something is true and you're upset by it - that's a mountain right there. If he doesn't think so, you need to ditch him.

This

He's really not that into you. Is this how you would be happy for the rest of your relationship with him to play out? .

What are his redeeming features ?

TwistedWonder · 07/10/2024 12:52

Uncertain007 · 06/10/2024 22:22

Should I say something? I'm meant to be meeting tomorrow and don't want to make a mountain out of a molehill

This is where women are conditioned to be kind and not cause drama and that means letting men get away with crappy behaviour and setting a precedent for what we’re willing to accept.

He was rude as fuck not even offering you a drink. It’s not about expecting the man to pay - it’s basic good manners that if someone joins you for a drink, most decent people would jump up on your arrival and get you a drink. And certainly include you in the next round.

It’s not a mountain out of a molehill, its letting him know he behaved badly and you’re not prepared to tolerate it going forward.

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