A bit of background. I reunited with my first love from university days a few years ago. We are both fast approaching 60. Both of us have been through the mill, he lost close relatives a couple of years back and I lost a parent only recently, as well as suffering some health problems myself.
We are also long distance. We met in Paris in the eighties and that's where I did my year abroad at art college and he has lived there for over 30 years now, he's originally from Algeria. He has property in Spain and we would often spend a few weeks together there, several times a year, as most of his close family live there. We have had some fairly hefty disagreements in the past (not due to language as we both speak fluent French and Spanish), and at one point I ended it and we didn't speak to each other for almost one year.
I realise this doesn't sound ideal. There was always a view to him coming to the UK at some point and settling here, with us spending extended periods in Spain. Personal circumstances, illness, deaths in the family etc. etc. have all happened. He was very supportive towards me when my father was ill, and when he passed away. Although he did not come here, I was able to take a break in Spain and recharge my batteries. We would keep in touch via Whatsapp every day, usually without fail.
What has really upset me, and this actually happened last year, is that the last time I spent any lengthy period of time with him, which was last May, before I travelled out to see him, he made an odd comment that "even if I get married, my wife would have to understand that I will always be there for you and she would need to accept that you would come to stay, to have a rest". We had been arguing over the phone and didn't speak for a while. At one point he said he wanted to get married, as that was "expected" of him, to a certain extent, but I have never wanted to be married and said it was unnecessary, that love keeps people together, not a piece of paper.
Anyway, off I went and while I was out in Spain with him, I discovered that his sister-in-law had arranged for him to meet a friend of his, with a view to marriage. Yep, tis a cultural thing. He had told her that her friend was beautiful but would probably not want anything to do with him. He told her to try to arrange the meeting nevertheless and send his photo and then this woman said she didn't want to meet him. At the time, we were together. He was telling me he loved me and "never even thought about another woman".
Now I feel like the second choice. It has been festering and festering and when I finally challenged him about it on Whatsapp, he didn't answer me at all, nor did he attempt to whitewash it or excuse it, nor reassure me. So I've angrily told him to get lost.
Would you all feel the same??