OLD advice..

[Clumsy12345]

I know a lot of people on here have said they don’t have any friends, that’s the same for me but has anyone OLD and not had any friends? How do you explain it to people? It’s kind of embarrassing. It’s putting me off as I don’t know how I will explain it to people, my ex knew I had no friends and use to make fun of me because of it.

(Not asking how to make friends this is purely about OLD when you have no friends)

Why don’t you have friends, OP? That’ll help us to help you to explain it….

Well, is there a reason that explains it in an easily understandable way such as you've moved around a lot and not stayed in touch with people, you're very introverted, just don't feel you've found your tribe yet but get on with people as and when you meet them? Also are you looking to meet someone to be a ready made social life (a life and soul type), or someone more self contained who may understand already?

Perhaps if you let us know why you feel you have no friends at the minute we could beat help with the explanation if you need to give one. You're far from alone though, nothing to feel embarrassed about.

Just never really been good at making friends but don’t want advice on how to make any I know ways to try to make friends but I’ve never been good at making friends and I’m ok with that. I’m looking to date not make friends basically.

No, it's fine, I get that. Just asking so we help with the best way to present it. When asked, what about just 'i tend to get on with most people but I've always preferred my own company, friendship wise'. If you see family, you could add 'im quite family orientated '.

I'd say generally keep things positive. You're happy as you are, that's great. Not everyone wants a big circle.

Go on POF

Dating but nothing serious.

I’m definitely not looking for fun. I want a relationship

This is good advice thanks, I’ve given up on trying to make friendships I find it difficult as an adult but would still like to find a partner I guess if I was only looking for something causal it wouldn’t be an issue as I’ve had causal situations where we’ve never spoken about friends or met each other friends but I would like a long term relationship so the subject will come up eventually

I met my wife on OLD many years ago when it wasn't quite so mainstream and I don't have any friends so I always suspected it might be an issue. I know I'm perfectly normal, educated with a professional career, but not everyone does so I was just honest and explained I can't really be bothered with making friends don't feel the need to put the effort in to develop them - am close to my family and am happy with my own company. It obviously worked as we have been married 17 years - I guess I would just say don't try and overcompensate and be yourself and be as 'normal' as possible (whatever that is) !

Just another suggestion, I don't know if you do already but if not you could always pick up one or two social hobbies or groups while dating.

Not to make friends in itself (I hear what you're saying) but so you have some social activity to talk about if it makes you feel more comfortable about that side when meeting new dates.

Not saying pretend to be someone you're not or talk about those groups as though you're close friends but just to casually tick the social 'box' on dates if you feel that's the easiest approach. You can then of course say who you are in terms of preferring your own company.

Maybe something you can dip in and out of like walking group, or book club rather than fixed commitment like a netball team.

It's another option.

If you’re genuinely not interested in having friends and don’t plan to try to make any then surely that’s something you want to be honest with dates about? In which case it’s perfectly fine to own how you feel and say that you don’t have friends because you prefer your own company. Being open about it means you're more likely to attract men who also don’t place a lot of importance in friendship or have many friends and who aren’t going to find it weird or try to encourage you to become part of their own large social group when you’d rather not.

If you have family you spend time with, definitely go with the family oriented approach. But if you don’t and are actually quite isolated please be very cautious of letting anyone know that until you know them really well.

I don’t want to put a damper on your plan it’s just that abusive controlling men often go to great lengths to isolate women from their friends and family. They do that gradually so it takes some time for women to realise. If you have the misfortune of meeting a man like that and tell him your situation early on, he will see you as a very easy target.

Great advice from Lurkingandlearning