Is trying to get our relationship back a waste of time

[Petal2280]

Hey, I'm 28 female
Ex boyfriend is 30
We have a 9 month old baby together

The begining of our relationship was lovely, we were both very much loved up and showed eachother respect.

Once I got pregnant the first few months were still perfect but then became abit rocky.. I put this down to hormones which I do think played a big part in it.

Once baby was here again first few weeks were lovely then started to go rocky again.

Anyways fast forward we haven't actually been in a relationship for a good few months now (since baby was about 3 months old)

We've been trying to work on the relationship by having family days out etc. We recently went out a holiday for 8 days. And ex did nothing but have a go at me for not touching him once or being physically affectionate. He kept pointing out all the couples that were being lovey dovey and telling me I wasn't

What he's not understanding is we hadn't gone away as a couple we had gone away as co parents that are trying to get their relationship back. I'm not at the stage where I want to touch him at the minuite

He keeps saying he won't be waiting for me forever

But then when hes in a good mood he tells me he will wait a life time

Am I being cruel or is he being pushy!
I feel like the more push he is being it's going to do the opposite of what he wants to happen and make me run a mile

Honestly I think it’s a really tricky situation. I think getting any relationship back on track at any time can be really difficult and requires a lot of effort, patience, compromise etc on both sides, but doing that alongside being new parents to a young baby is even harder because you just simply don’t have the time and the head space to dedicate to rebuilding a relationship. I mean even a happy couple struggle during the first few years of having children because your children take up so much of your time, your energy, your mental space. My husband and I have a 6 month old and thankfully we are blissfully happy and very much in love, but our relationship does look very different now as we have another person who needs us and takes up so much of that time. That’s okay because we have a strong foundation and a lot of love for each other, we both understand that this won’t be forever and we’ll get our time back one day etc but I think if you haven’t got that it would be difficult to get back to a really good place.

I suppose it depends what you actually want. It sounds like he wants to build back a romantic relationship, whereas you seem to be more focused on building a good co-parenting relationship at least right now. Neither of you are necessarily wrong but if you’re not on the same page then you’re both measuring progress and effort differently because you’re not working towards the same goal.

Sounds tough OP but you also sound confused yourself. Did you go away as co-parents? Or as a couple trying to reunite?

I think men like to show they love you through physical closeness and touch and obviously sex. Did you want 8 days of talking? I think it sounds like he was confused and didn’t know what he should be doing and got cross.

I can’t imagine not wanting to touch someone I want to be with. This makes me think you don’t want to get back together. Maybe the idea of it is better than the reality? Do you know if you want him back? Are you hoping you’ll wake up one day and all the feelings will be back? Do you know what he needs to do to make it work? If so tell him. If not, maybe you are wasting his time?

💐

I'm confused tbf I don't balme him in this instance. If you don't want to touch someone that's pretty hard to come back from and frustrating for the other party... rejection and hope cycle

I still don't know what I want to be honest, I understand he can't wait around forever for me, I really do. But at the same time I'm not ready to be intimate or touchy feely and I really don't know if I will be at all

He's jealous of the baby. He wants you and your body all to himself, and resents the way you feel about it. It is really common to be all touched out and not want attention from your partner after you've had a baby, and he doesn't understand that. Basically he is telling you that if you don't shag him then he will find someone else who will.