Do I want to leave?feeling really lonely when on a relationship

[MixedUp23]

I suppose if I am asking "do I want to leave" then maybe it says it all.

Back story me and oh been together over 15 years, 1 dd who is 12. OH has always suffered with his mental health 2 years ago he got sacked (not due to his mental health due to his attitude)and we decided due to his mental health he would work part time and study, weve limped by and it's been hard, now it feels like I'm being drowned by the lack of money, always just enough to get through the week...yes I do feel a little like I blame him, wrong I know but honest, sometimes like around dds birthday I've asked him to pick and extra shift up to make it a bit easier and he refuses, he works 1-2 timed a week whilst I work full time, deal with all the bills, shopping, cooking etc whilst constantly worrying about money.

Then it goes onto our relationship, I have no one to talk to this about but I am lonely, he hasn't touched me in around 3 months and before that it was around 2 months, I've tried and tried but it's just knocked my self-esteem that I can't anymore. I think I'm more upset about him not wanting to touch me than anything else.

I've had some health scares recently and whilst he collected me from the hospital, he drove my car and waited outside, I limped on my own to it. I feel like he just doesn't care, like I'm being taken for granted and it breaks my heart.

Now whist I won't be happy, I could cope a few more years and let dd have her teenage years with her parents under one roof (I didn't, dad ran away mum had a breakdown and always been a worry for me) but I don't know if i should talk to him knowing I have tried before and get no where or just keep plodding along.
I am sorry for the long post, I am at the point where I am not even sure I want to stay with him, we want different things now, have always done really but now it feels more apparent how much different we are and how our lives are changing.

God don't stay with him, leave, you'll be happier & it'll be cheaper!

Don't subject your DD to living with 2 depressed parents.

It sounds like he's abdicated responsibility for his own MH.

Definitely leave

It sounds so lonely and horrible for you OP. I hope you can make the right decision.

Thank you for your messages, your right dd doesn't need 2 parents miserable. I tried talking and showing a bit more interest today, OH was ok, a few snide comments about me saying I am taking a day to myself in the house (I've done housework and bits)but not actually gone anywhere, as we didn't "have" anywhere we needed to be, this caused dd to moan and want to visit her grandparents, I explained that I needed a day where I stayed in, caught up with jobs and I would take her in the week, she is not happy but she does have another parent who can take her.

I think ultimately I have spent the past 15+ years doing everything oh and then when dd came along, doing what they wanted rather than taking any time for myself or doing what I want. I have become more of a skivvy than a partner and mother. That is down to me for letting things get this way. Dd went in a strop but is okish now, but it's learnt behaviour from her dad. I am no martyr by any means and I am not sorry for myself but I just need to clear my head a little. I would do anything for dd but I don't want her seeing me as just the unpaid help or driver.

I am lonely and I spend a lot of my time sat quietly even with dd and oh there as when I talk they don't bother responding and tbh I dont think I have anything to offer anyone, I need to find a hobby, something for me, but what? It's been years since I had something for myself. I have taken to reading in the past few months and find so much enjoyment, are book clubs even a thing anymore? Maybe that's the way forward.
I am off to have a think about what I can do for me. Whilst I can afford to move anywhere(believe me I've looked at rental prices if I sold a kidney I still wouldn't be able to) despite my decent ish wage and I think dd would want to stay in our home with her dad and he would never move.
I think I've fell out of love with my life...but as my confidence is shot I think I need to focus on building myself up first before any major life changes.
Does that make me sound weak? Stupid? In denial? I just know what I can cope with and at the moment I think I need to sort myself out before uprooting dds whole life?

No, it makes you sound like you've been coping with too much, for too long, and you've finally accepted that something has to give.

Your oh is lazy, selfish and freeloading. He is not pulling his weight and you will be able to pull yourself back and your dd back to positive much more easily without his dead weight dragging you down.

Make your plans, build yourself up, create your running away fund, and then leave. Just taking the decision and having a plan will make you feel better. You and your dd deserve to be happy. Good luck.