Do you date? Do you spend time together without the children? Do you focus on the things that irritate you and ignore all your husbands good points? Do you put in any effort to enjoy each other? Do you take care of yourself sexually since you don’t have sex with your husband? Does he? Why did you stop being intimate? Marriage is hard and it takes work. I don’t think the answer is to just give up. There’s no abuse in the marriage according to you, so it’s worth trying again before making the final decision to split.
Have you considered marriage counselling? Have you considered making an effort to have date nights again? To fall in love with your husband again? To notice the things about him again that you used to find physically attractive. Have to looked at yourself and reflected upon what your role has been in the decline of your intimacy both physically and in general? How could you make changes to that? Do you go to you husband when you feel sexually aroused or do you self pleasure? If so, why? Next time, try going to him instead.
Sit down and write a list of all the things you used to love and admire about your husband in the early days of your relationship. Then list all of his good qualities you still appreciate now. Read this every day and add in any more that come up.
When you feel irritated by his presence, read your list and let it go. If it’s not something that needs to be addressed because it’s abusive, dangerous, upsetting, just mildly irritating, read the list and let it go.
Speak to your parents about having the children overnight. Arrange a date night that you know your husband will engage with and enjoy. Give him advanced notice by saying you have something planned but don’t tell him what. Get dolled up and smelling good. Go out, have some fun together. Hold his hand. Give him a kiss. It might feel weird because it’s been so long but he’s your husband and you need to put in some work to connect with him. You don’t have to have sex unless you feel the desire to but try and relax and be open to it if he initiates. Sometimes we have to get the juices flowing and then get into it.
As PP suggested, give it some time before committing to separating. Say 6 months to a year of actively trying to turn things around. If it still isn’t working then you can decide how to move forward from there but at least you’ll know you really tried and gave it your absolute best shot.