How would you do it?

[Coolcleanse]

If you were unhappy in your relationship, it wasn’t very healthy and you lived together - what would you do to leave ?

Especially if your partner was in a very low mood / insecure / controlling / coercive and you had to be the one to move out. I have nowhere to go at present so I’m loathe to bring it up yet as I know it would be like WW3, but things are getting even worse at home.

Please help me mums of the internet !

• English isn’t my first language, so please let me know if something doesn’t make any sense :)

Partner so assuming not married?, save up and be able to rent a place and have some money left over, then bring it up the day before that it’s not working and you want to split up. Move my precious possessions into the car first before telling him if he is that kind of character but to be honest it’s fine, you can leave for any reason or no reason at all, he doesn’t own you and you should out yourself first in your life, no one else will.

More information needed. Are there children? Do you have an income?

My mother rented a new place, hired movers, then waited until he was at work and moved out. Then she called him and let him know she was leaving.

if your partner might be violent, this is what I would do. Don’t provide any advance notice, make your plans, and move out. Then do the actual conversation.

Sorry yes I have a child (not my partners and he doesn’t have any child). My partner owns the house and I do work, only 16 hour.

They are 10 years old. Sadly not, plus partner controls all finances so I wouldn’t see any of it

So if he controls all the finances and you have no access to your own money then you are in an abusive relationship OP. First step, contact Womens Aid for advice,and support on how to leave him.

If there's coercive and financial control/abuse, then I think your best move is to contact Women's Aid / local domestic abuse services and potentially go into refuge. From there you can get on your feet and find more permanent housing.

Can you talk to your work about increasing your hours once you've left home and your salary is your own?

Have you looked at the calculator on the Entitled To website to see what help you'd get with rent etc?

Please contact Women's Aid.

Does your work have an employee assistance helpline that you can call for advice?

If you don't have access to your own money you're going to need help to leave OP, please contact Women's Aid or your local DV service for support. In the meantime if you can safely collect any evidence of him withholding money or being abusive (messages etc) then do so, just don't put yourself at risk to do it.

First off, open your own bank account and make sure your money goes into that.

Secondly, is there anything you don't need that you can sell to build up your savings? Old games consoles sell well for example.

Stop paying anything towards the home.

If your current job has fixed hours, take on a side job.

Rent a small storage locker for your important documents and valuables before giving any indication of leaving him.

Then I'd look for rooms to rent on spareroom. In women's only flats. Get out to one of those as soon as possible. Do your due diligence when room hunting.

Send your child to stay primarily with their dad if possible. Until you've saved up enough to rent a flat instead of just a room.

Speak with womensaid for advice.
Look into benefits you are entitled to.

Ideally do not tell him you are leaving. Get out and then tell him it's over. Do not inform him of your new location. Then block him once you've ended it.

With a 10 year old there is no reason not to work more hours. You'll never manage on your own otherwise

No point her working more hours if she never sees any of the money.

Follow these steps.

1. Contact women’s aid for help and support to make an exit plan.
2. Get all important documents together for you and your child. For example, passports, birth certificates, driving license, bank statements/details. Put them together somewhere safe where your partner won’t find them.
3. Contact all local housing associations and council housing departments. Apply for housing detailing that you need to flee domestic abuse with your child. You will be housed as a priority case.
4. See what benefits you are entitled to via this link https://benefits-calculator.turn2us.org.uk/survey/1/1e2a7c18-7512-474b-9b57-c04f7f1fe1ee
5. Tell your child’s school what is going on so they can support you and your child.
6. DO NOT tell your partner any of this. Abuse tends to escalate when the relationship ends.
7. Once you’re safe, text him and tell him the relationship is over and not to contact you again. Then block him on your phone, social media, email, everywhere.
8. Check your workplace policy on supporting staff experiencing domestic abuse and find out what they can do for you. Speak to them about transferring your wages into your own bank account. If you don’t have one, open one asap. Make sure you set up paperless statements so nothing gets sent to your current address. Change address once you leave.

Good luck! You’re doing the right thing. Stay safe.