Don't even know where to start really!!
Married 10 years with 3 kids. Husband told me 2 years ago he didn't love me, didn't find me attractive anymore since putting on weight.(I'm 12 stone) He told me he needed to be drunk anytime we were intimate, which explained the lack of usual bedroom activity.
I stupidly asked him not leave to as our son was transitioning to high school and I was afraid for how he would cope with it alongside the already massive change. He said he needed time to think so went to stay with a friend for around a week, but came back and agreed to stay/to try to make it work. I feel he probably used that time as a hall pass to do what he wanted, ?cheat, but that's not something he has or will ever admit to.
I went through absolute turmoil within my own head feeling not good enough, fat, ugly, you name it I felt it. I stopped finishing my meals as every time I lifted my fork I heard all the negative things he'd said about how I'd let myself go. I lost around 30lbs and felt good again for a time.
Things were "ok" for a wile and now everything has just slipped back into the same pattern. I'm feeling silly for not just letting him leave at the time as I'm sure he still doesn't love me. Prior to two years ago we used to tell each other we loved each other alot, he hasn't said it to me even once since and I've been afraid to ask as deep down I already know the answer.
He makes zero effort within our marriage. Complains from the second he wakes in the morning, moaning at the boys for stupid stuff instead of trying to start their day on a positive note.
There is zero day to day affection and I just feel lost. When I try to think logically about it all I get a massive wave of emotion like my stomach is dragging on the ground below.
I feel like I already know that this is doomed which hurts like hell. I just don't know how to move forward.