New relationships and mobile phone use

[randomrainbows]

Been seeing someone for 6 months now.
He's amazing in so many ways, he's treats me well, always doing little things to make my life easier. Always sends little reminder texts so I don't forget things, for example I've been ill so he's text me to remind me to take my antibiotics etc. he never forgets anything, if I say I have a medical appointment for my son, he'll always remember and ask how it went etc. I'm having a really hard time at work and he always checks in and reminds me I'm amazing.
However, he's spending more and more time on his phone and it really annoys me. My ex was always on his phone, and I felt like I had to compete for attention it was such a huge issue in our relationship that ultimately ended it, amongst other major things.
I don't get to see him that often as my ex doesn't have the kids much so we tend to FaceTime a lot. I can tell when he's FaceTiming he always doom scrolling on his phone, sometimes he zones out and I'm just staring at a screen.
I've bought it up twice now, explained it bothers me, explained why and said I just don't want another relationship like that, he apologises and says he won't do it again, but does! I've said call less, make calls shorter etc but he insists he doesn't want to.
I've just put the phone down on him after we're mid conversation about something he chirps in with oh look this really boring football thing happened today, so clearly reading something else while I'm speaking.
He's great in so many ways, he really is and I know a part of this is my insecurity from my previous relationship but I'm sat here now thinking, do I just walk away.
Am I being needy expecting his full attention? Or is this just plain rude. I just think, if it's like this now how bad will it be after a few years.
He knows how I feel about screens and how I limit my own usage at home around my children as I want to be present with them and not all sat on screens.
I don't know if this is a deal breaker. I have absolutely nothing else negative to say about him, this is his only fault so far!
Am I over reacting? We've started to discuss plans to meet the kids in the next few months and the idea of introducing them to someone has rocked me a little. so I don't know if that's fuelling a part of this. I feel like I picked a shit dad who doesn't care less about them and barely sees them, I really don't want to pick someone else who lets them down.

It is definitely rude that he scrolls on his phone when you are FaceTiming him. I wouldn’t like that. I have had 2 boyfriends since separating. Both I could only see once or twice a week. With the first we didn’t used mobile phones hardly ever when we were together. With my current boyfriend, he does use his phone a little more but only if he needs to organise something re his kids. If you only get limited time together then it should be time just focussed on each other (unless your kids need you).

I'd find it rude, yeah. Why even bother calling if he can't stop scrolling and isn't going to listen?

You could either stop the FaceTiming all together, or you could hang up the instantly you realize that he's scrolling. Every time.

He isn't as bad in person, still uses his phone but not constant, still probably more than I'd like but doesn't annoy me as much.
How many times do I raise it before I just give up!

Phone calls wouldn't bother me. why are you bothered by phone calls? Not having a go but trying to understand. The scrolling does my head in when DH does it constantly he never used to be like this

Because, what is the point? In calling and then me just watching him scroll on a screen or be speaking and not really be listened to. Just makes me feel like I'm boring him, so I suggested stopping the calls but he doesn't want to. But then shows up and is half there, half somewhere else. Sometimes I have to repeat myself or just drop the conversations because he's moved on with something he's found scrolling and cut me dead mid sentence to speak about that.
It's so far from what he's like in person that I'd rather just not do it because it's starting to annoy me and make me question things, he knows it bothers me, but does it anyway. He wouldn't behave like this in person., I don't understand it.

You have tried talking to him and he's not paid any attention to how his actions are making you feel (to me it is disrespectful and lazy). Well, actions have consequences and maybe it's time to demonstrate that. Tell him that what he does makes you feel XXX, you don't want to feel XXX and so if he starts doing any of that nonsense when you're on the phone with him or in person, you will end the call or go home/ask him to go home. You MUST follow through and not allow him to change your mind.

I had to resort to this when dealing with my ex-partner's moods. I'd arrive all happy to see him, I could tell immediately that he was in a strop and he'd ruin my evening. I went to a counsellor and the above is what he advised. For me at least, it really did help because it established what I would and would not put up with and his choice was to be moody or spend a nice time with me - he couldn't have both.

I think stop having these lengthy facetime calls. They're actually damaging your relationship instead of building it.

I would be worried that he has a screen addiction that will become bothersome if you moved in together, however. We often somehow end up with people with the same problems as prior partners.