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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Three years on

12 replies

Kbroughton · 04/10/2024 14:21

This may seem a pointless thread but I just wanted to share some hope to anyone who may need it. I have just seen a notification from Linked in (which I missed) that I have celebrated my three year anniversary with my work on 1st October. The reason that is significant is that three years and one day before that, I found out my exH had been having an affair and was leaving me. Yep the day before I started my new job. I was DEVASTATED at the time. He was horrendous to me for 4 weeks I lived at home. Seeing his new partner, having phone sex loudly when I was in the house etc. Ended up leaving and just packing a car up and staying with my parents for three months. Felt like i had lost everything. Rented a small 2 bed flat and fought him for 18 months with solicitors as he was so difficult. Anyway, fast forward three years, I have a new partner, I lovely new home that I bought myself, child is happy. Things are stable and so much better than before. And the three year anniversary of the worst months of my life went by unnoticed until Linkedin told me! So for anyone going through this now, and I know there are many from posts on Mumsnet, please know it will pass. Stay positive and one day you will look back and realise what bothered you so much then no longer does! It doesn't feel like it at the time but happy times are always just around the corner. XXXX

OP posts:
Whereoneartharewe · 04/10/2024 14:25

I'm so pleased for you OP.

Really good to hear a positive outcome after such a traumatic episode in your life.

bloodydone · 04/10/2024 14:26

So pleased for you. Enjoy your life now and don't look at these pathetic losers.

Kelli92 · 04/10/2024 16:42

A lovely story of hope through so much pain, thanks for sharing op!

TheHistorian · 04/10/2024 16:53

That's lovely to hear, a good example of 'this too shall pass".

BirthdayRainbow · 04/10/2024 16:58

How lovely for you@Kbroughton and how thoughtful to post to give fellow broken hearted wives hope.

I am just over two months on from being divorced and still live in the marital home. I am in the process of moving having sold and bought but no idea when. I'll be living hours away from him and can not wait!

He's been awful to me and I don't know why since he's the one who behaved unforgivably badly more than once. I wish I could ask and get an answer. He's been a useless father since we split but wouldn't admit it. I expect it will get worse now he has a fancy new girlfriend.

The kids are doing fabulously but they are at uni or working so don't live with me. I miss them so much but I'll be near to one of them when I move.

Original poster
Kbroughton · 04/10/2024 17:05

BirthdayRainbow · 04/10/2024 16:58

How lovely for you@Kbroughton and how thoughtful to post to give fellow broken hearted wives hope.

I am just over two months on from being divorced and still live in the marital home. I am in the process of moving having sold and bought but no idea when. I'll be living hours away from him and can not wait!

He's been awful to me and I don't know why since he's the one who behaved unforgivably badly more than once. I wish I could ask and get an answer. He's been a useless father since we split but wouldn't admit it. I expect it will get worse now he has a fancy new girlfriend.

The kids are doing fabulously but they are at uni or working so don't live with me. I miss them so much but I'll be near to one of them when I move.

Awww. He is being awful to you to make himself feel better for what he has done. The only advice I can give you is at some point, let go of the anger and hurt. I got into a bit of a habit at one point in checking his social media and comparing my life etc. I kept waiting for Karma to catch up with him. In the end I was only hurting myself and keeping myself in a prison tying my happiness to him. The day I let go of my anger was the day I was finally free. Now I couldnt care less what he does and am happy and content in my own life. One more tip! The first day I moved into my house I bough 12 scatter cushions because he hated them and I could do exactly what I wanted for the first time. Little victories! Much love you you, you will be fine xxx

OP posts:
Hatty65 · 04/10/2024 17:15

Excellent - really pleased to hear your positive story.

I realised one day last June that it was my 35th 'wedding anniversary' to my arsehole of an ex - and I was SO grateful that I've spent the last 24 years without him and with a far nicer DH than the first one was! The thought of having spent the last 35 years trapped with the dickhead I married in my early 20s made me shudder.

BirthdayRainbow · 04/10/2024 17:42

Thank you @Kbroughton , what a really lovely personal message to me and I will take all your advice on board. I feel I am taking two steps forward and one step back at times which is hard. A massive positive and consolation is that I have no feelings for him at all. It would be awful if I did. I can't wait to move to have the house as I would want and little acts of rebellion have already kicked in. They really help..

LostittoBostik · 04/10/2024 18:00

I love this OP! What a wonderful thing to hear. I'm so glad that you came through that difficult chapter to a much happier time.

Daisys24 · 04/10/2024 21:04

Thank you I really needed to hear something like this right now 💘

Ivegotaboneinmyleg · 04/10/2024 21:22

Awww, that is so lovely of you to extend hope to others. I am glad that you have moved on and are happy. 🏵

Heavier · 05/10/2024 12:43

Pleased for you OP.

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