Said goodbye to my nana today, she's in intensive care. DP also in hospital. Desperately need some support.

[mumblesmummy]

I've always been very close to my nana, so when she took ill a couple of weeks ago, I didn't want to go and see her because it always upsets me to see her ill. She knows this. So she just sort of laughed it off.

When she was feeling a little better, I went to see her, but since she seemed ok, I just chatted about normal things- my wedding arrangements, what was going on in my life, planning taking the baby to see her when he's born in a couple of weeks. She said 'you better remember to!' She was really excited about the baby.

So she began to deteriorate and was admitted to hospital. To be completely honest, I thought nothing of it more than 'when nana gets home I'll... such and such'. Mum kept saying she was getting worse but I didn't realise how bad. I went to see her and got quite a shock, but when I walked in she said 'iya bump' to my tummy. She couldn't speak apart from that though.

I was STILL adamant she'd get better. She's come through alsorts before, brain tumour, suspected cancer, and this is her FOURTH bout of pneumonia.

When she was taken to the high dependancy unit, my DP (who has lost close family members) said it was looking pretty bad. I still wasn't sad, and couldn't wait for her to get out.

Today mum rung me to say to come to the hospital as nana was in intensive care. I got a taxi to the hospital and was surprised to see that all nanas 6 kids were there, and my sister too. Everyone was pretty solemn and my mum kept nearly crying. I could see grandad was fighting back tears, but he doesn't do emotion.

They told us that they would have to knock her out and then put her on a ventilator so we would all have to go and see her before. Mum and grandad went first, and mum came out in pieces. I cried too because I can't stand to see mum upset. As more came out crying, my Uncle said to me that I needed to prepare myself because she doesn't look like my nana, but that she could understand what we were saying.

I went in with my sister and my other uncle. My sister stroked her hand, but I couldn't stop cring. She leaned over and whispered to my nana and then gave her a kiss. I tried to lean over too, but I couldn't because at 8 and a half months pregnant, my bump just pressed on the barrier at the side of the bed and I couldn't reach her. I stroked her hand and said 'I love you nana'. I swear her eyes filled up. She knew exactly what I'd said. I was crying a lot, and I said 'I'll come back and see you later nana'.

When I came out, I walked past everyone and grabbed my stuff and said 'I'll see you later'. Mum said 'don't go like this' and I said 'I can't stay. I want to go.' So she gave me a hug and we had a cry. Grandad was looking but I couldn't look at him. Then I left.

She'll have been sedated straight away after that.

Should I have stayed longer? Was I selfish to leave? I told her I loved her and that's all I needed to say.

My DP is at a hospital 80 miles away because he's had an accident at work last night and he has to have surgery. I'm worried sick about him too.

I just feel so helpless.

Thanks for the link podglet, I had no idea how to do it. DPs family don't drive apart from his step dad and he's in Japan with work at the mo.

I've just been to the midwife today and the baby's heartbeat was really fast so they sent me to fetal assesment but the baby's ok.

I'm going to see nana again shortly.

Thanks Pazza and Pina- and just a quick note, Pina the homeopathic tablets are called caulophyllum.

this is so sad, mumblesmummy. i can't imagine how hard this must be to deal with, especially being heavily pregnant at the same time.

it sounds like you have a very close, warm family - a wonderful thing - and i'm sure that your nana knows just what she means to you.

big virtual hugs...

you poor soul. I really understand how you feel.

Last May I got a call telling my my lovely gran had suddenly taken very sick after a routine procedure at hospital - the surgeon actually cocked up and caused her death. It still makes me so so upset.

I was living in Germany at the time and my dh was in America on a course. I made the spoit-second decision to fly home, via Stanstead, with my 2 dc's, then aged 3.4 and 4 months. It was nothing short of a nightmare and looking back I don't know how I did it, but I am so glad I did.

My gran hadn't met my dd. I mananged to get to her when she was still awake and she saw her, and grabbed on to her wee leg. I was in pieces. I'm welling up thinking about it.

Spend as much time as you possibly can I know how hard this is for you, truly. It is awful to be facing this so soon to giving birth too. Keep telling her how much you love her, how much she has meant to you in your life. She will know.

My thoughts are with you. Be strong. Lean on your family for support. There's plenty of support here too.

Take care x

Thinking of you mumblesmummy. Like someone else said, there really isn't a "should" in this situation - and you also have to think of your bump and your blood pressure and wellbeing. The last thing you, your Mum or anyone needs is you trying to do more than you can cope with and ending up poorly too. Your nana KNOWS how much you love her - she'd have probably been worrying about you if you'd stayed, too.

Glad your DP can be back with you tonight

Take good care of yourself,

Cx

Oh, sweetheart, what a terrible time for you. so sorry about all thats going on with you just now. really difficult time especially when about to have a baby.

I just wanted to say something from a nursing point of view. Obviously I don't know all the details at all, but, if we have a patient, such as your nana, who is very poorly, lots and lots of things are taken into account. This will probably sound ridiculous, but, the fact that they have ventilated her, and have her in ITU is not such a bad sign. I'll qualify that for you more; If the Drs and medical team don't feel there is any likely hood, or chance that a patient is going to improve or get better, they do not ventilate, or give intensive care, at all. THey would have made her comfortable, given her other medical support, cared for her and nursed her on a ward hoping that she may get better, but realising that she may not, and that more intensive medicine would be unfair if there was no fair chance of her getting over her pneumonia. What i'm trying to say ( badly, i think ) is that it means they haven't 'given up' on your nana, that they felt/feel that intensive care and therapy will really help her and treat her infection and that she has more possibilty of coming through it than not.

I don't want to give you false hope at all, really I don't. I just wanted to say, that they would have had reason to feel she could improve. I'm afraid, that doesn't of course mean that she will. sadly, this may not be the case, just that she could. They would have felt it more likely she would than wouldn't at the time of ventilation.

LIke i say, i'm not intending to give you false hope, and you must listen to what her medical team are saying now.

As for what you did when you saw her, it was perfect. It was what you felt you could do. There is no right or wrong way to feel, or way to do things. Your nana will have been able to hear you, and just having you there, even if you'd have said nothing would have been so special for her. I wish I could give you a big hug. I hope what i've written here, doesn't come across the wrong way at all. I was just wanting to show you that the Dr's must see your nana's strength to keep supporting her i this way. I'm hope it wasn't good bye for you yesterday. If it was, sadly, then you have done the best thing you could have done, you told her you loved her, and that she is not alone, in you mind, and heart, you are with her always, and she is with you also, thats a very special thing that you will always know and nothing can take that from you.

lots of love and my thoughts really are with you.

don't know what to say but hugs mumbles xxx

Thinking of you mumbles xx

oh God, I cried, sorry....

I'm so sad that you're going through so much!

My grandfather got ill really, really suddenly and I didn't go to see him (he was down in Somerset - I was near London) and tbh I regret it.

I didn't think it'd affect me so much but at his funeral I just broke down - even now, 8 yrs on, I can't go to his memorial bush (he was cremated) without breaking down.

I think you did the right thing - she knows you were there and how much you mean to her/she means to you.

Don't be ashamed about rushing off - sometimes we just need to be alone... sometimes being with others is just too much to cope with.

I hope she improves some more

Thank you for ther updat mumbles. I have been checking often to see if there was any news.

Take care and I hope you manage to visit your Nana today and she is stable.

Look after yourself.

Susie- Thank you so much for making me see it this way. I know the chances are it's pretty bloody bad, but it's good to know, as you explained, that they think it's worth putting her in ICU and on the monitors.

Last night she stayed stable (but sedated), so today they have reduced her ventilation and stopped the sedative and she's still staying stable so far!!! I can't believe it, I thought the other day was the last time I'd ever see her. I'm going to call in today, but not stay long as I don't want to end up in a state again, and I'm going to try really hard not to cry infront of her. Mum said they'll lower the barrier for me so I can give her a kiss.

Lewis- I think grandparents just know how much us grandkids love them so I'm sure your grandad knew too.

Pregnabrain- we bicker, argue, and get on each others nerves, but when push comes to shove we are a very close family and we all pull together straight away at anything like this.

Thanks everyone for being so lovely. I'm so glad I can come here for support!

They didn't have time to do DPs op yesterday, so they're doing it today, so I'm really, really hoping he'll be home by tonight.

Hi Hun
Just wanted to send you loads of love and support !!

and Ive got everything crossed that your DH will be home with you tonight !!!

Thinking of you and sending lots of love xxxx

MM - I just wanted to say I'm so glad things are looking up for your Nana today.

You may find that if it is just you at the bedside it won't be quite so stressful. You will be able to sit with your Nana, hold her, stroke her and talk to her. Once you get used the strange environment (and understand what the machines are for) you will find it is not such a scary place, you may also enjoy the quiet and special time you are spending with your Nana. Also, talk to your Nana's nurse. They will be able to tell you so much about how your Nana's been/doing (they are angels in scrubs).

Even if yourr Nana is coming in and out of sedation, she will know you are there if you talk to her. When under sedation you still have awake and asleep time, so if she is awake while you are there, she will hear you. And your voice will be a comfort and something familiar.

Weaning of the ventilation and sedation is a good sign, and all of those machines and nurses are there to help your Nana.

Much love to you, your Nana and your DH xx

hiya honey

just wanted to quickly check in and give you my love

fingers, toes and everything else crossed that you get DP home tonight and that your nana pulls through. as ILikeToMoveItMoveIt said she is in the right place to get better and she will know that you're there.
xxx

THINGS HAVE GOTTEN MUCH WORSE NOW. Desperately need support.

My sister and I argue all the time, but when push comes to shove we actually love each other to bits and this has been obvious whilst nanas been ill because we've looked after each other.

Today she went for a routine scan of her twins (27 weeks), and it showed that one baby has stopped growing because it's not getting oxygen through the placenta. Therfore, she has to have both babies right away by c section in a hospital on the other side of the country. I'm absolutely terrified for her and just can't stop crying. She's told me to stop panicking incase I go into labour, but the babies are too young to be born and they've been told that it could go either way.

Nanas still critical but I was so happy to see her this morning because she could say yes to my questions, and she squeezed my hand. I still couldn't reach to give her a kiss so I kissed her arm and she puckered up to give me a kiss, so I just laughed and said I was sorry I couldn't reach her. I promised I'd come back tonight or tomorrow. I'm hoping she's getting better but we've been warned sometimes people get better before the worst. I hope so much all goes well.

DP has been taken down to surgery now. My dad's there so he rang to tell me. We don't know how long the op will take, or how long he'll take to recover, but we're hoping he can come home tonight. Otherwise it'll be tomorrow. I'm really missing him now. He's got patientline so I had a good cry on the phone to him today. I also rang and asked that they bump him to the front of the queue and explained the situation.

Im so sorry - you have so much on yor plate. Keep strong xxxxx

Oh darling you are having such a rough time of it arent you?

Try and see your Nana as much as you can and stay calm for your lovely baby and DP xxx

Hi love, you are having such a shitty time of it aren't you?

Jeez, just one of these things would be stressful enough, but all at once? You are doing amazingly well you know. You are coping, despite what you might think. Your dear nana will appreciate you being there, with your lovely big bump getting in the way.

Your sisters babies are very premature, however, babies born at 27 weeks have huge chances of good outcomes now, many go on to have perfectly full and healthy lives. Those who are not so healthy, often have problems in early childhood, and continue to grow and gain strenght and also live normal and happy lives. Obviously with twins, thigs do alter slightly, as they will be smaller than the average singleton prem baby of 27 weeks. However, they still stand good chance of survival, with or without other health complications. The baby that has not been getting enough O2 via the placenta, may well need more support than the other baby, but still, at 27 weeks, things these days are far better and more positive than even they were 10 years ago. Babies survive being born at as little as 24 weeks. All beit with a larger range of problems, it still does happen, and a fair amount too, these days.

Neo-natal medicine has come so far. The support and treatment we are ale to give to really premature babies is utterly amazing. even the smallest of babies can survive. I know, i'm repeating my self, but just trying to re-assure you that things may be ok. Of course you have to have in mind, and be prepared should things not go as hoped, however it is also so important to be positive.

You are carryig a little one yourself just now, and that little one has to be your priority at the moment. Of course you want to be with nana, of course you want to give your sister support, but first and foremost, you simply must make sure you are eating properly, and resting plenty at this stage in your pregnancy. You are about to give birth, and your body needs a chance to be ready for it.

Of course you love your Dsis, and Nana, but I'd put money on them not being too happy with you, if you don't look after yourself and your bump, over worrying for them. Testament to who you are in a way, you are clearly a really kind, caring, and considerate woman, with more strength than you realise. However, you must make sure your needs and your babies' needs are put first, for the next few weeks.

hiya mumbles - so sorry that your having such a shitty time at the moment... just to reiterate what susie says - 27 weeks is preature but much more positive than in that past, and your sister and her babies are in the right place to get the best care they possibly can.

Your sister is right in that you need to concentrate on keeping yourself as calm as possible. hopefully your DP will be out of hospital now so that will at least be a weight off your mind, and your nana will probably be worrying about you just as much as you are about her!! whatever happens she loves you and knows that you love her, and that will be worth more that anything else.

I hope you're having a better day. Big hugs xx

Hi MM

Just popping back in to give you lots of love and support i hope that everything will be fine and that you will soon have the support of your DH to help you throw xxx

Mumbles - sending lots of prayers your way. Take care of yourself and your precious baby xx

Mumbles - There's nothing I can say to make things easier but please know that all around the country lots of people are thinking of you and sending you lots of hugs and positive thoughts. You're doing amazingly and being ever so strong. You take care. Big hugs xxxxxx

Thinking of you mm. You'll get through this. Stay strong. xx

A quick message on this thread too to see how you are? So sorry to hear about your Sister. You really are being put through it ATM aren't you? If you need a moan or a cry - or advice on the DH/Work thing please give me a shout.
X

Just checking in to see how are you are MM. I hope things have improved for you all xx